nobody gives a fuck

Anya: Angel, Protector, The ‘Fun One’

It’s unexpectedly weird. I thought it would be… happier? Than this. But she hasn’t wanted to interact with anyone outside the system. And she’s only sort of talking to me. Mostly just snarky comments.

I think she’s mad at me for going on the meds in the first place. Which I get I guess. I know Boo was upset about it.

Last night was really bad. Like really bad. I’ve heard people talk about urges being so bad they give in in front of people. Last night I understood. After the trump bullshit I was paralyzed in fear. I literally thought I was going to throw up. It was so hard not to grab anything and hurt myself. Anything to kill me. I had to drug myself to get to sleep.

I’m just fucking terrified. I saw a video recently of a politician talking about deporting criminals and Hispanic immigrants when T becomes president. I was born here, but my birth father was an immigrant. His whole family, that of course I care about even if I’m not in contact with them, are all immigrants. I was adopted by a white man so that probably helps with all of this. But all of my government paperwork says Hispanic. And they aren’t going to care that I was born here.