THALIA

-Are You Sure This Isn’t A Cult?

-This Chapter Is Sponsored By Raid Shadow Legends 

-I’m Failing French, Oui Oui

- Your Death Threats Are Oddly Poetic

-1-800-FUCK-THIS

-As Seen On TV!

-I Can’t Tell If You’re Crying Or Laughing

-Shut The Fuck Up, I’m No UwU Smol Bean!

-I Attacked A Bear Just To Prove My Masculinity

- I’m Not A Loser, Just A Boy Scout

-Pixar Movies Make Me Cry

-Ew, Feelings

-I’m Gonna Tell A Trusted Adult

-Phones Keep Getting Smaller, But I Keep Getting Bigger

-How Do You Spell Icup Again?

-I Trust Wikipedia Wholeheartedly 

-My Mind Lives In The Gutter

-Don’t Disturb Me, I’m Trying To Get Drunk On Bath Water 

- I Never Said I Had My License

- Healthy Ways To Solve My Anger? Never, Now Be My Human Punching Bag

- I’m Sorry For Throwing (Insert Prized Possession) Out The Window, But You Kinda Deserved It

-I’m Not Mad, Just Disappointed 

-No, You Can’t Eat The Gum You Find Under Tables

- You’re Grounded For Forever

-Local Man Drinks Bug Spray, The Details Will Surprise You! 

-You Can’t Drown In A Kiddie Pool, Yet Here You Are

-Watch Your Language, Motherfucker

-I Quit My Role As The Parent Friend, I’m Leaving You All To Die

-This Buzzfeed Quiz Made Me Rethink My Entire Personality 

-I’m Sorry, What Is A Mee-Mee?

-Please Don’t Test If You’re Flammable

-Ice Skating In Crocs

P A T R O C L U S   “He is half my soul, as the poets say.”