💉

seems like my abandonment issues are just gonna follow me throughout my lfie. whyd my brother have to kill himself so suddenly, i cant handle losing anyone else so unexpectedly again i feel like ill crumble and completely lose it

I think I should kill myself. I hate to say this but it feels like everything in my life has pointed me to this. I’m an awful person. I’m manipulative im chaotic im too fucked up and its starting to hurt other people too. Maybe it’s not just mental illness pushing me to this maybe its just destiny. this life is too painful for me. im not happy and nothing gets better with time. getting older has pushed me to more freedom but with that I only have more opportunities to let myself waste away. im not happy. never was and I never will be. Im tired of working so hard and trying to hard to put on a happy face to the world and stay afloat so people dont realize how much of an utter mess I am. sure im smart sure my brain is valuable but whats the use when im suffering? I want to be with my dead family, the tiny alive one I have left doesn’t even like me and I don’t know if I even like them. I convince myself that im better and making progress but its all a lie. my lowest point is just a reflection of my entire life.

lets play that game where i get attached to a wheel and spun around and people throw knives at me :^)

this all fucking sucks and I wanna die. shit doesn't get better huh felt like this since I was 11 and its gonna stay forever 

havent felt this bad in a while

the universe is basically screaming at me to kill myself sooooo imma listen

this hurts