Iâve been MIA from Tumblr for the past week and just wanted to post let you know that Iâm ok. I wanted to thank everyone who has checked in with me and checked up on me and my family and has continued to do so over the past week. It has meant everything and has reminded me that there are a lot of wonderful humans out there and that a lot of themâ weâre luckyâ are in our fandom.
For those of you who donât know, I live in Beirut, and just one a week ago we lived through one of the worst events anyone could ever imagined. A huge explosion rocked the cityâ reaching a far beyond the cityâ and it has left our already struggling capital in absolute ruins.
Iâve lived through several wars, bombings, missiles, assassinations, all of it, but I have never lived through anything like this.
I was sure I was going die.
I ran into the family just so I can see my family for what I was sure was the last time. I knew nothing in that moment except that there was no way death wasnât a few moments away.
Luckily I was wrong. By some miracle, we survived. but so many others didnât. Thousands are injured. Hundreds were killed. Almost a hundred people are still missing.
And I cannot even begin to recount the economic damage and the physical damage to the city.
Iâm still in shock. I am heartbroken. I am sad. I am scared. I am angry.
I have nightmares every time I close my eyes.
Every day at 6:07pm I have a panic attack.
I break down and cry randomly every single day.
And I am so fucking angry.
This explosion was caused by our government. This explosion was caused by our politicians. By their greed. By their corruption. By their treachery. By their bloodthirst. By their depravity. By their vileness. By their barbarity.
My own government destroyed my city and killed my people.
And not a single one has shed a single tear, or offered a single word of empathy, or paid a single dollar to help us, or taken an ounce of responsibility.
The citizens are the one on the streets lifting the debris and rubble, cleaning the homes, offering shelter to the 300,000 left homeless, rebuilding homes, helping the injured and trying to salvage whatever is left of this once beautiful place.
It has taken me some time to come and talk about it hereâ I have been more active on twitter and IGâ but Tumblr has always felt more personal and I had found the words or the strength to post about it until now.