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@arsonistired
arson
fuck around/find out they/he
dragon hybrid, please donât kill endermen around me i will deck you
fluent in end, enchanting, common
living in snowchester, 5 cabins in the forest whose locations will remain a secret so i have some place to live when this eventually gets blown up
working at the smp museum, i know a lot of weird facts about the history of this hellhole that I wish i could forget
pro omlette
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Hey @arsonistired I heard you know a lot about the history of this place and I was wondering if you could answer a question for me about the first presidential family of LâManberg?
why would you ask me this. itâs better to be ignorant.
but fine suffer i guess HERE
the first president of LâManberg was Wilbur Soot, whose parents are Philza Minecraft and a fucking Samsung smart fridge. Soot has a fox son named Fundy, whose mother is a fucking salmon named Sally. Soots unclear family (?) includes Tommy Innit (little brother figure?), Tubbo_ (Tommyâs brother figure so also his? they all seems to disagree on whether theyâre all family), and Technoblade (old friend of Philza, possible brother figure to the others? again very unclear).
if we want to go further, Tubbo now leads his own country called Snowchester, and is married to Ranboo M Beloved. They have a zombie piglin son named Michael. Fundy was (according to rumor) almost married to Dream (you know, the guy in prison), and possibly got him pregnant, but George Notfound crashed the wedding and ran off with Dream.
and donât get me started on Dreams fucked up family. please.
hope this helps, please never make me talk about it again
DSMP Citizen Memes, OC Edition, (Pt. 3!)
lmao welcome to the museum it might pay well but it is ~hell~
i was on my nightly stroll and i heard Ghostbur and Mr. Boo speak about beginning a business !!
how lovely this sounds !! Ghostburâs seemed down lately , so itâs refreshing to hear that heâs taken up cooking :D
as someone who knows a bit too much about what goes on here especially concerning ex-president wilbur soot
bestie i donât know how to tell you this
donât you worry a single follicle, arson , iâm sure this new lil business will be dandy !!
sure , my friend did say they saw the casino-guy yelled at Ghostbur , but maybe this is his way of getting on his good side ?
what could possibly go wrong !!
please someone else tell them i canât do this
i was on my nightly stroll and i heard Ghostbur and Mr. Boo speak about beginning a business !!
how lovely this sounds !! Ghostburâs seemed down lately , so itâs refreshing to hear that heâs taken up cooking :D
as someone who knows a bit too much about what goes on here especially concerning ex-president wilbur soot
bestie i donât know how to tell you this
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of fuck oh fuck oh no new coworker is really cute
how the fuck did the blade start a fucking podcast
he did wh a t
thetta please tell me this is a fever dream, theres a whole podcast on spotify called the prison podcast and its run by fuckign Techno Blade and it deadass sounds genuine and real hwhat the fuck
yeah dude thereâs a dream impersonator too itâs probably fake but with the rest of the shit going on i canât tell
podcast rec post bc thatâs the only thing i do in my free time now
- boom goes the burg (funny history podcast, 2 dumbasses recount the history of lmanburg)
- what happened this time (monthly recap of shit that goes down)
- stop using tnt to solve your problems (advice podcast, send in your questions here theyre funny as shit)
- the prison podcast (some technoblade and dream impersonators mess around?? got no clue how they sound so accurate and Why theyâre doing it but itâs funny)
- callout (exactly what it sounds like, some dude who knows way too much calls you out weirdly accurately based on stuff like your favorite color or song or something like that)
*rolls up to new visitor in my swag ranboo heelys, sunglasses on* welcome to the dream smp history museum how can i help you
@chaseisfreakingdumb *heelys away* yes but we donât talk about it fuck off please
*rolls up to new visitor in my swag ranboo heelys, sunglasses on* welcome to the dream smp history museum how can i help you
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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update: we are out of war criminal heelys. my coworker who i hope does not have a tumblr bought all of them. that said if you give him gummy bears heâll probably give you a pair
on an unrelated note work has gotten a lot more fun since i got these ranboo heelys itâs a good thing i donât like gummy candy
ok, asked around, and no! eret did not ask for the heelys! they have no fucking clue why theyâre here either! we are all still trying to decide whether this is horribly offensive or Humor Coping!
but hey, in the meantime, come on down to the smp museum we have heelys themed around all your favorite dictators, war criminals, and traumatized children i fucking hate it here
was stocking the gift shop. yknow, like i do. normal day.
quick question though why the FUCK are we now selling HEELYS based on various WAR CRIMINALS (and first gentleman ranboo m beloved hes cool but everyone else??)
I DID NOT NEED TO SEE EX PRESIDENT S C H L A T T THEMED HEELYS
things Iâve experienced working at the smp museum
Tommy innit (the kid who was exiled) put himself through recreations of traumatic experiences in some twisted version of exposure therapy
someone asked what the camarvan was and i had to explain that it was the catalyst for the creation of lâmanburg and also a drug van
some kids tried to recreate the final control room betrayal for a school project but the kid playing eret (the traitor in the lmanburg war for independence and also my boss) stood on top of the chest for the infamous line and fucking fell off and broke their nose
someone tried to steal the camarvan
some kid doing a project on heredity said they had to pick one famous figure and for some goddamn reason they picked Wilbur soot so i had to explain the bastards fucked up family tree and i have never seen someone so confused (kid if youâre out there good luck on your project)
someone who knew Far too much about soot came and demanded we add an exhibit dedicated to his sand-eating habits
someone tried to defend dream and i just left bc what the Fuck
one day my boss said they were going to some cult banquet (i donât handle the egg shit thatâs my coworkers domain) and i got to spin in their office chair
heard later the cult banquet ended with multiple murders. not surprised.
got an assignment to hang up a âhistorically significant paintingâ but it was just a picture of first gentleman ranboo my beloved in a locket with his name??? but yknow his husband has nukes so Iâm not gonna protest
some kid called the front desk at like midnight and asked if being straight was ok. first of all why the fuck are you calling a history museum second of all i was really confused and panicked and said âwhatâs a straightâ and hung up so uh sorry kidďżź
had to witness 3 kids try to recreate the lmanburg independence war in the form of interpretive dance. im all for creative schooling but what the fuck
YOU
top ten people who have come into the museum while Iâm working:
10. you
9. canât
8. rank
7. them
6. theyre
5. all
4. so
3. fucking
2. weird
1. the interpretive dance kids, who, yes, are recounting everything up to doomsday.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
i keep having to clear my shop of the red vines )):
iâm very tired, and i hate touching them,,,seriously, whyâs the egg still âin powerâ of sorts ?? itâs an egg, how did it get here ??
the fact itâs constantly on my shop is weird, every day i get rid of it and then next morning itâs there all over again .
iâm gonna go bogus ! i did not fight numerous wars and get my shop and home blown up time and time again for some stupid undercooked chicken coop to grow vines over my shop .
solution:
fun tip for anyone else dealing with a weird job
1. pick a corner
2. imagine a camera
3. anytime you think what the fuck stare into the imaginary camera (or if you actually have camera first of all how but also disregard the other steps ig)
4. congrats youâre now a character in a mockumentary and not an underpaid working class citizen
