I usually express what's going on in my life on here through art, photos, quotes, etc. A good portion of it is about optimism and mental alchemy.
HOWEVER, my oncology breast surgeon told me, yesterday, she can't save my nipple and I am super fucking bummed rn. So, I'm just going to journal this directly.
I can keep the other nipple, but she's going to sever the nerves anyways so it'd be for aesthetic reasons only.
It's harder for the plastic surgeon to match the fake nipple to a real one. Plus, they will age differently, so I might not even do that.
I keep trying to think of mythology to help me reframe the whole breast cancer double mastectomy situation.
Amazon women - who cut off a breast to improve their archery. Saint Agatha - whose breasts were cut off and then miraculously healed. Inanna - who had to give up everything in order to journey through the underworld and come out the other side a queen.
I guess the way I'm trying to think of it now is that I'm going through a battle and, at the end, master craftsmen will rebuild me like armor.
I don't know. And I don't know what to do. I'm feeling very sorry for myself and it could be so much worse.
I guess I'll make reconstruction decisions after I meet with my plastic surgeon in a couple weeks.
I'll figure this shit out later. I'll try to change my attitude. But for now I'm just feeling the loss and not having a good attitude about it.
