with my family.

“Yeah, yeah, Captain America,” Mae teased. 

She contemplated bribery, but Captain America was definitely not just about his physique and apparent invincibility. 

“And I have my own. But I’m not going to lug it all over the world just to ride it. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to ride.”

she hopes he’ll brush it off, but it wouldn’t be matt if he had. still, she’s not annoyed. honestly, her expression softens when she hears him speak. that he’s had help. it’s something she finds herself WORKING ON. something she doesn’t really talk about. she had been okay dealing with all of it on her own, but sometimes that wasn’t enough, especially with the kind of work they did. she simply nods in response as he follows suit, if only to not drop the subject at hand. she knows it’s better to NOT avoid talking about it rather than bottling up to herself. the last time she did that things didn’t exactly go so well for her.

“ god. yeah, it makes you feel so — HELPLESS. i guess we just have to celebrate the little victories, huh? if we focus on all the things we couldn’t do, ways we couldn’t help. well, i don’t think it’d make our jobs any easier.”

               a half-hearted chuckle.    “  no, i don’t think it would.  ”    as hard as it is to remember sometimes. it’s not linear, and that’s what makes it hard to grasp;  it’d be easy if it were just a tolerance you could build like any other. gore and guilt alike—matt has seen enough death and injury to last a lifetime, and still there’s so often that flinch, sharp intake of breath, need to look away that his teammates have long learnt out of.  ( the cases are more gruesome now, he’s noticed, than with the irt. maybe he’ll build a tolerance for that all one day, too. )  the mental side is no less simple, the weight of knowing what the world carries on its soil, being more aware of what people can do to one another, and how little you sometimes can do to stop it—it’s hard to tell which follows into his more restless nights more.

“how do you close you eyes and fall asleep with all the things that we see on this job?” it’s not a question meant for the other’s ears. just a thought. though, not meant one that was meant to be said aloud, and only realizing she’d it. eyes widen and her brows furrow as she shakes her head gesturing towards matt. “sorry, i was RAMBLING, just ignore what i said. i think i might just need ANOTHER CUP of coffee.” she manages a laugh as she grabs her empty cup and tossing it into the garbage bin beside her. “need another one?” she asks as she gets up to get herself one.

《 file : @armyprofile​ ​ // ♡ 》

               before she even apologises, excuses herself, he knows it’s not meant for him to hear;  all the more concerning. she looks tired, and it’s hard to tell if it’s lack of sleep or the kind of tiredness settled in more deeply—the last few cases they’ve had have cut deep in a way they usually don’t have to deal that many times in a row. it could be either. it could be both.  ( it’s probably both. )     “  i’ve had help.  ”     over the years, through different people, volunteers and professionals alike—the horror still hits as hard, but he’s learnt to how to receive it now, much better than he used to.     “  i’ll join you.  ”    his mug is not empty, visibly so;  there’s no mistaking he’s doing it to continue the conversation as he rises.