Aria Mikado

Okay, so, it's been a very long time since I've posted anything here. Will it be a more regular occurrence? I don't know -- we'll have to see.

However, I know what I'm going to post about. Or rather, who.

Aoi/Blue Okami is her name. I met her nearly 4 years ago. We've been together since then.

I don't typically go posting about relationship business -- I'm the sort to keep my business very close to my chest, because I've learned that things can always go sideways when you're too public all the time about things, for a number of reasons.

However, I need to talk -- gush -- about Aoi.

I think she's amazing.

I've never really felt confident in relationship prospects. Knives in my back, being lied to, betrayed, cheated on, those sorts of things...I can easily talk to and admit the fact that it all could have made me a very bitter woman, and I'm sure no one could disagree on it if I was.

And sure, things between Aoi and myself have never been perfect -- we've both made our mistakes in the near 4 years we've been together so far, but through everything, we've pulled things back together and gotten our relationship stronger for it.

It's resulted in me becoming very protective of her, and extremely happy to be in her company, and grateful for it when she can give it.

We've watched lots of things together, play things together all the time, share our issues and complaints with each other and then some.

She's given me confidence and courage to do things that I wouldn't have had the will to do in the past. I own more cosplay outfits now than I did before, for example, and I plan to get more.

I've shown her through loads of nonsense that's happened that NO ONE, be they acquaintance or friend, is going to mean so much to me that they risk coming between us and our relationship.

My hopes are that in all our efforts, she feels the same, that she loves me as unconditionally as I love her, and that every bit of my affection for her is returned in kind.

Well, here goes. May as well vent a little.

I’m currently sitting in my room, trying to pull myself together after crying my eyes out. See, I’m bisexual and transgender. For so, SO long in my life, I’ve had all kinds of uncertainties, not the least of which were the matters of acceptance from the people I care about, and with good reason.

I was raised by and around a parent and family members, respectively, with a hardlined “standard” mindset where they believe that if you’re anything BUT straight, there’s something wrong with you, that you’re “sick”, and that you “need help”.

So many times, I heard my mom rattle off to friends how there had to be “something in the water” whenever the conversation fall to someone who had come out, and it bothered me to no end.

I got away from that family situation years back, when things went south after things happened and I had to tell my mom what was up, but knowing how she’d react, and being afraid as a whole regardless, I only told her about my bisexuality.

Even with a half-truth, I still got kicked out, and essentially disowned. Been living with one of my best friends that I met online and his family, who have treated me as like their own for the past 2 years, and I’ve largely been happy.

I still have my stresses beyond all that. A friend of mine recently passed, family members I still care about are sick, things like that, and I’m trying to get through things a step at a time. Every time I meet someone else, though, or I feel like I’m starting to bond with someone, I worry about how they’d feel if they knew the things that were so “wrong” to members of my blood family.

Today, I took a step and told one of my best friends (my friends and I just call him “Zero”) of several years about everything.

His exact response was to tell me that nothing had changed, that he still saw me as me, and that it didn’t alter how he saw me, not one little bit. He even offered to chat with me later when he wasn’t busy in order to sort out things like how he should address me and the like.

I was so relieved after he told me that. It was all I could do to just sit and smile, before I just...broke down.

Now, I’m sorting myself out so I can get in some gaming. I think, so long as I have those people in my life that accept me, I’ll be that much more okay with the choices I’ve made and the things I’ve had to take so long to come to grips with.