just a creep in a t-shirt

Jlaw:"and that's when I said 'WHERES THE PIZZA!?!?'"

Dinner guests: *forced laughter as they eat their dinner consisting of only bread*

Bradley cooper to me: "can I offer you some bread"

Me: "oh um....I don't eat bread"

Dinner guests: *complete silence*

jlaw with mouth full of bread: "wait....what do you mean you don't eat bread™"

Me: "oh um well I can't-"

Jlaw: *makes wacky faces* "FUCK YOU!! you ASSHOLE!!!" *crying*

Me: "uh well...sorry it's just that I-"

Jlaw crawling across the table towards me: "YOU WILL EAT THIS BREAD"

Me: "please no"

Bradley cooper: "please Jen it's fine...."

Jlaw: *ugly crying* "SHUT UP!!! S H U T U P"

Jlaw: *takes a fist full of bread and shoves it in my mouth*

Me: *muffled crying* "please I have celiac disease I can't eat gluten"

Jlaw:"DONT GIVE IN TO SOCIETIES LIES!! EAT THIS BREAD"

Dinner guests: *still watching in silent horror*

Amy schumer:*thin lipped Amy schumer

smile*