mama mia

i love things that come in glass jars because once its over the glass jar is mine

im gonna kill myself [remembers that suicide jokes make people uncomfortable] uhh [in valley girl voice] im like soooo totally gonna blow my brains out... [waiting for polite laughter that never comes] sorry [remembering that i apologise too much and i need to work on that] No im not

this is the only completely ordinary household object that doesnt need internet access that i support having internet access

“imagine a borzoi with husky eyes. that’s jeff the killer, right?” -my boyfriend

15 minutes used to be a long time you know. now its barely 15 minutes

this is the kind of thing hobbits talk about on their front lawns

did you cum?

Not even once.