girlfriend looks over my shoulder and sees that im on a twitter account named "The Toy That Plays Back" and my profile pic is a a jack in the box with angry eyebrows posting stuff like "How about we play with YOU for a change" and "Us Toys hate being played with"

inside my egg .

Me when i want to fucking watch blue but that stupid bitch wants to watch red

Posting "dick from a stupid girl" on Tumblr dot com and then waking up to find out, in a great deal of relief, that I'm a young centipede on the forest floor hiding under leaf litter. my cannibalistic mother, a much larger, red, chitinous centipede, has stopped pursuing me. I am comfortable and my goal is now to grow big enough to eat mice

i want to masturbate but i cant afford the name brand stuff so im always jakeing off and busting a rut and shit