Night from a railroad car window

(and if you don't know me, hi I'm reyah and I'm a disabled queer in florida and I make art over on ⤿patreon⤾ when the spoons allow)

For June, I still have $400 in bills to clear before I'm pushing the rock back up the same hill in August. More than half of that is for medical care -- prescriptions are coming back around to need renewal, and I need to see my doctor for updates on medication changes.

Urgently, however, I need to come up with $40 to renew my car's registration which is now officially expired.

direct donations are incredibly appreciated, but only if you can, only if you’re willing <3

The registration has been renewed, thanks to y'all, and that is a relief cuz that was stressing me tf out. *phew*

June's remaining need: $295

July's remaining need: $290

But! It's been a while, months and months, since it was last this bad. We as a community did this thing before where we supported this disabled artist and paid their bills and made sure it had enough to survive and... ey stopped having to beg all the time. Ey only needed to beg like two weeks out of every four for a little bit in there.

read on: ao3

rating: e

chapters: 1/4

emma nolan x brendon "the shark" park

Emma Nolan is convinced Dr. Brendon Park hates her. Brendon is convinced Emma Nolan is the most irritating person he’s ever met. One rainstorm, one power outage, and one spectacularly bad decision later, Brendon insists he’s in love with her. Emma insists he’s confused—and now she has to survive working with the most stubborn orthopedic surgeon alive while he makes proving her wrong his newest favorite pastime.

many jews experience debates about israel as directly affecting jewish life because other people often collapse the distinction for us. take the woman who was assaulted on a NYC subway while her attacker said "jews are eating kids," or Dan Goldman the rep of the 10th district in NYC who was publicly lambasted by a local coffee shop for getting coffee there, or Scott Wiener a California state legislator who was harassed by masked people at a pride march. the woman on the subway wasn't attacked because of anything she had personally said or done regarding israel. goldman had only gone into the coffee shop because his daughter needed to use the restroom and bought a coffee as a thank you. wiener is a gay jewish legislator with a solid track record of defending trans rights who had the gall to appear at a trans rights event.

the woman was attacked because she was jewish in public, goldman was harangued for being being jewish with a public platform, and wiener was chased out of the event for being jewish. and people projected the actions of the israeli government onto them. (and before people start saying 'well goldman and wiener are pro-israel politicians!' i implore you to take a look at their voting record and see just how run of the mill democrat they actually are on the topic)

incidents like these make it difficult for many jews to treat israel as merely a foreign policy issue, because public attitudes toward Israel often become attitudes toward jews in practice.

Like. This is a fucking game. Two boxers fighting one another in a ring are two gamers playing a game together. I cannot stress the extent to which boxing, MMA, et al are games created and pursued primarily for idle amusement. Just because the game is happening in a ring as opposed to on a pitch doesn't make it less of a game. We are Playing Toys when we glove up and clobber each other. It is For Fun. They're dangerous games, to be sure, but the danger is the chief source of amusement for the participants and the audience. The boxers wouldn't be boxing if they hated boxing.

"If we did co-ed boxing there would be Men Beating Up Women 😡" Last time I checked a fight requires at least 2 active participants unless you're just beating up on yourself alone like Edward Norton in that movie. And as I said above, I presume nobody would pursue a career in boxing if they didn't like doing the boxing.

(and if you don't know me, hi I'm reyah and I'm a disabled queer in florida and I make art over on ⤿patreon⤾ when the spoons allow)

For June, I still have $400 in bills to clear before I'm pushing the rock back up the same hill in August. More than half of that is for medical care -- prescriptions are coming back around to need renewal, and I need to see my doctor for updates on medication changes.

Urgently, however, I need to come up with $40 to renew my car's registration which is now officially expired.

direct donations are incredibly appreciated, but only if you can, only if you’re willing <3

The registration has been renewed, thanks to y'all, and that is a relief cuz that was stressing me tf out. *phew*

https://throne.com/joydemorra

It's mostly things we need for storage while we get the basement fixed.

Every now and then a difficult period like this comes along: so it's time to request some assistance.

I've kind of been neglecting my vision for the past year or so, aware that I needed new glasses (and to go have a consult for possible eye-related surgery), but putting it off... and now the situation has, as it were, come home to roost.

The other day, when I was typing something and then (to check it before posting) had to pick up the Mac and hold it up to my nose to see what I'd typed... I realized that if this went on much longer, even with dictation (because after you dictate, you still have to edit...), I wouldn't be able to write.

That would be bad.

I need to go see my Eye Lady, get examined, and get both sets of glasses re-fitted with new prescriptions. This—as usual, each time it needs to be done every year and a half or two years, due to Weird Eyes—is going to run into a low-four-figure-ish kind of money. And due to other recent unexpected medical expenses, right now there's not enough dosh around (or spondoolicks or whatever term you prefer...) to get things sorted.

Therefore: can I get people interested in keeping a writer, you know, writing (as I've got three novels working at once at the moment...), to consider doing one of these things?

(a) Go over to Ebooks Direct and buy a book. (Or a bundle. Or a gift card for somebody else who might like my work.) And if you do: thanks so much!

(b) Stop by my Ko-Fi and drop a little something in the pot. It'll be most appreciated.

And if you can't do either of the above:

(c) Reblog this and let other people see it?

And it's that thing where you mentally place yourself as the second, auxiliary party to someone else that you consider to be "In Charge" of whatever space or occupation or responsibility you are assigned to

And when you are IN that mindset, it *feels* like you're being responsible. It *feels* like you're being respectful, and helpful, and contributing to the load.

But what you don't SEE- because it *feels* like deference- is that the other person who you're seeing as The Authority you report to- by being assigned that role, has also been assigned the invisible load of BEING YOUR MANAGER.

This is by FAR most commonly seen in husband-and-wife relationships, where the man says, "just tell me what I can do to HELP- you don't have to do it all by yourself, but it's like you won't even tell me when you NEED help. You just do everything and then get mad at me for not doing it first. I can help clean. I can help with the kids. I can help"

But I also see it- and am guilty myself of doing it- at work, at school, in public- that mental, "this is THEIR space, and i will be respectful and helpful to THEM"- without realizing that subservience in this manner isn't actually a good thing. That it actually shifts the burden of responsibility to the other person. That aspect was totally invisible to me.

I didn't understand that when I was told, "if you see something that needs to be done, just DO it", or, "take the initiative", what they ACTUALLY meant was, "I am not above you", or "you have equal say in what kind of environment you want to live or work in", or "I do not want full control over what happens here, I do not want to order you around, I do not want to be in charge, what I WANT is to co-command WITH you"

Being in The Assigned Authority position NOW, that is all so much clearer.

I am the senior member of my team at work, and now, every time I train a newbie, every time I finish catching them up to speed and giving them a list of everything that needs to be done, my next big hurdle seems to always be, "now take pride in the space when I'm not around". "Now don't assume I'll tell you when something is due or what orders to plan things in".

Now, having been on both sides of the struggle, I can appreciate the sticking points here

TO THE PERSON "IN CHARGE": The person deferring to you doesn't understand the invisible labor you're doing. They genuinely believe you know more, you WANT more, you see things they don't, and that they are being respectful and good by staying out of your way and waiting on your orders. THAT is the bit that's not clicking.

TO THE PERSON "WANTING TO HELP": "Help" implies that you are providing assistance to a problem that belongs to somebody else. Stop thinking like that. Understand that the problem belongs to BOTH of you equally, and consider what kind of shared space you BOTH want. What is your SHARED GOAL? Not THEIR goal, but a goal that belongs to you too. Own your space.

This is not a Commander-Lieutenant problem. This is a Partnership problem.

Typically Officers, Managers, and Team Leads get *paid* a whole lot more to specifically take ownership of their space. The buck ($$$) stops there, at the top, with the people who get paid to command the ship.

I use to get paid to be the Captain. Sure I wanted things to be equitable in my office, under my command, and I treated my Soldiers as equals.

Which in hind sight I realized was a fucked up thing to do. Since it wasn't their job, they didn't get paid to do it, and it wasn't their responsibility. It was mine.

You can't just subvert a hierarchy by pretending its not there. That just makes you a shitty abusive boss. But you're still the boss.

Fortunately I eventually realized that no one was making me be the boss but myself. So I quit.

Now I make minimum wage and I have a manager that tells me what to do. I don't really need her to, I'm smart enough to figure it out without her direction. But I don't get paid to think.

I didn't think to mention this because I'm *not* anybody boss- when I train new people, it's to work WITH me. The wage will be the same. I've refused promotion because it's more trouble to manage people than the money would be worth to me.

But your theoretical wife ISN'T receiving extra benefits for managing the housework. Your theoretical roommate ISN'T getting a discount on the rent for reminding you there's laundry in the washer.