✧⁠◝Noah◜⁠✧

the gossips

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I spent a long portion of my life wanting my art to be loved. I write stories, and it's only natural to want to be praised about it. I want to be told nice things. I want to know that my stories make someone's day or that someone feels inspired by my art the way I feel by other people's.

And for some time this chase of other people's approval blinded me and made me forget what art was about in the first place.

I've drawn things I didn't like, didn't have any passion for, just because I thought those drawings would get me more attention. It didn't happen, but even if it did - I don't think I would have been happy with it.

Because that's not what I want to do. That wouldn't be me.

Art is your self expression. Art is about the world that lives inside of you. When you draw, or write, or create anything of any sort - you are taking a piece of your inner world - and you make the choice to put it out there.

Machine can't create art because it's not born out of feelings or experiences. We artists shouldn't be content producing machines either.

You create for Yourself. Your own art should be made For You first and foremost. It should be what you want it to be.

I draw things that look less than ideal to me. I have a lot of artworks that I believe I could have made better if I'd just spend more time on it. But in the end, even if all I made was a small imperfect doodle - it conveyed the story I wanted it to convey, didn't it?

Could it have been better, would I get more attention if it was better? Well...

For whom does it have to better?

The only one pushing me to be better is myself. And I don't want to be better "out of fear that I won't get enough attention". I don't want to be better "for others". I don't want to hate myself for not being good enough anymore.

To me it's a struggle of being nicer to myself. Knowing that yeah if I sunk hours into it maybe I could have "been better". But that's not where I am today. I want to love who I am and what I do today.

I'm already here, I've come so far, I'm good enough to the point I can tell stories with my art. And I'm learning to celebrate that, and accept myself today, instead of envying what could have been. And so should you.

Sorry I think I lost track somewhere in this essay but I guess the bottom line is:

You deserve to love yourself and see your efforts as good enough For You. You've already come so far. The art you create is for You. It's a piece of your soul, and each time you choose to share it - you do the world a favour, not the other way around. Your worth is not defined by the amount of approval from others.

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