aqueeryus

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So, I have run out of patience but I haven’t found my voice  yet, and what do you do when  that happens.

Do you pack your bags and  leave? Where do you go when you have nowhere to stay?

How do you ask for help  with no tongue, who do you call with no numbers saved? 

Which road do you take - forward, left, right, back? left?  right? left? back?

It feels like I haven’t slept  in three hundred and sixty five  days times how many, how many now? 

Oh god I haven’t slept  and where do you go when  that happens: when you have  run out of patience but still don’t know how not to be voiceless, when the road calls but you know of no shelter on the way, no hearth that would take you in  and let you rest, even just for  the night?

Similarly in AoU, he tells the Avengers that they weren’t anywhere close to an interface, meaning “something outside of our work on the program caused this” and when they ignore him (without asking for clarification) he stops bothering to defend himself because he’s already said all he can say, rather than trying to walk them through why this cannot be his Ultron.

#ActsofPride Day 12 - Take a mental health break

We partnered with Tumblr Creatr @animatedtext to make an original piece for today’s #ActsofPride. Here’s what the prompt meant to her:

“It’s not always easy for me to prioritize mental health during stressful times. Over the years I’ve learned that small breaks make life more manageable. I was inspired by organizations like Therapy for Black Girls and Beam who provide mental health resources to the black community year round.”

it takes me seven days to pick up the pieces 

the first one i wave goodbye to the book i bought because you said it’s nice

the second day I swim in the ocean until my skin’s all shriveled up, i ride the train back, at the station I eye the bookcase and consider taking the book back

day three I sign up for an acting class

4th day I give up the skateboard you left behind, that’s a lie, I leave it outside, leaning against the wall like you used to while waiting for me, and when I go back for it it’s gone

the fifth day I sneak up into your empty room at night, but it’s ok, a relapse, the room still smells like you and as I sit on the mattressless bed, uncomfortable, I cry, but tomorrow i’ll be fine

the sixth day the dawn breaks like every promise ever made between us, and I watch it, i’m alive, and i think: the mountain the sun climbs over is something I’d also like to climb

it is a very human thing to love through heartbreaks, but love, on the seventh day I get up with a smile, I unfold, I smile, there’s an unkempt garden waiting for my hands right outside, love, love, love, it is a very human thing to love through heartbreaks, not self though, but I try

Sometimes i wonder…  am i chasing a dream or  just refusing to grow up?  Sometimes i fear this is all  bound to go up in flames: it’s all in the palm of my hand -  the tragedy, the failure, the pain - taking the wrong steps - mistaking  cowardice for bravery, hiding  for taking time, staling  for evolving. I fear. Is this all destined to go up in flames? It’s outlined in the palm of my hand, it’s star-shaped.