♡

still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here

i was born inside an airpod case 3 minutes ago your honor and i love abortion

EDIT: On the advice of my legal department, I would like to formally apologize to the elderly woman I called a "beta". I was not aware that she was the goddess Athena in disguise.

Im something called a stink turkey okay

THIS IS HOW I FEEL EVERY DAAYYYYY

i think that soy sauce fish and honey bear must be the very very best of friends

10 year old with a propeller cap, furrowed brow, and oversized plastic phone typing up "Anyone who likes toys more than me is an imaginationbrained activity addict, anyone who likes toys less than me is a joyless playcel"

pro tip you can just grab a bunch of random parts from dumpsters and hardware stores and computer stores and just attach them together haphazardly and then put it in your suitcase and take it to the airport and get arrested pretty much 100% of the time

follow for some more sick text posts that I reblogged from someone else

I hate when people shorten vacation to vaca. you gotta spell it “vacay” otherwise I’m just picturing a cow