hello. it's been quite a while.
i have been very busy working on myself. i am finally at a place where the top of my hierarchy of needs is accessible for work, so i can address the near-crippling levels of CPTSD ( complex post-traumatic stress disorder, stemming from emotional neglect ) & RAD ( reactive attachment disorder, characterized by a lack of trust, impulsivity, & an inability to accept compliments or care from others ) that have sabotaged my life & relationships for thirty-four years. i have been hard at work each week with my therapist breaking down these walls & how they have impacted not only my mental health & the way i see the world, but the way that i perceive others' actions towards me & relationships with me. i will not be going into detail about these things with anyone, but i will say that the scars run far deeper than i expected & i am more damaged than anyone knew.
what i will say is that i am not a bad person. i am not undeserving of care & understanding. i am growing & changing, i am a person on a journey of healing — & it is time to accept drift's role in my healing as someone following me side-by-side.
i will not dedicate a set amount of time to tumblr, as i have started working full time at my warehouse & now work fifty hour weeks. i will write when the mood strikes me & i have the time. i will only be writing with a select few for the first few months as i continue to navigate my healing alongside drift.
i do have a few firm boundaries that need to be adhered to at this time.
transformers blogs only. i will no longer follow or interact with multimuse blogs that contain characters outside of the transformers franchise, at least while i find my footing here. apologies, but this is for the good of my own mental health as i navigate the lingering effects of my RAD & attachment styles.
drift is not on the lost light by default anymore — he is operating within the constructs of the empire of stone comics as a mech in exile. he is not a member of the lost light. he is not part of the crew, let alone part of command. drift lives, works, & functions completely on his own & has zero ties to the lost light as of this point in his story.
i will be adhering more closely to drift's comic portrayal rather than my own former portrayal. his polychrome optics & biolights remain, but now his default build is from the MTMTE comics rather than my former fusion of his designs. he still struggles with his role as deadlock from the past, but he has accepted deadlock as a part of himself & is trying to make peace with it. deadlock will appear as the 'hyde' part of him, a voice that constantly whispers contrary notions that his younger self might follow. please note that this is simply how he navigates the world, similar to the way that i do ( google the 'inner critic' & how it affects people with CPTSD & RAD if you are curious ). it is a helpful tool for me on my journey of healing — if this is an issue for you or you do not wish to interact with deadlock at all, please let me know in advance & i will forego mentioning it in our threads.
looking forward to a better future ; please be patient with me as i navigate these changes. thank you for reading.