Those Things 'll Kill You

I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with the idea of Compulsory Heterosexuality, especially in wondering wether they might be a lesbian, and what the signs of compulsory heterosexuality are. I decided to make this post, to help out anyone who might need it. Some of these signs might apply more to bi-identifying women, and some of them might apply more to straight-identifying women. I asked both lesbians who used to think they were straight about their experience with comp het and lesbians who used to think they were bi about their experience with comp het, and of course added my own experiences. Warnings: mentions of sex and sexual fantasies, but nothing graphic. Special thanks to michael @snugly and all other bloggers that answered my questions and let me use their content for this post - your advice, patience and generosity means a lot to me. 

You might be a lesbian if:

You wish you were a lesbian so you could escape the discomfort of dating men.

Men are okay in theory but terrible in practice.

You feel like you could live with a woman in a romantic way, even if you can’t imagine doing anything sexual with a woman.

You feel like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman.

You lose interest in a man as soon as they seem interested in you - very common.

You find yourself trying to be romantically or sexually appealing to men even if you’re not interested in them.

As a child you always thought you’d either never get married or platonically marry a friend.

You can’t imagine having a happy and fulfilling future with a man.

You feel like you’re performing your attraction to men, for yourself and/or other people.

You expect relationships with men to be unfulfilling by default.

You like the idea of men being attracted to you, but you dislike the idea of being attracted to men.

You dislike being attracted to men in general.

You only notice the attractiveness of a man when someone else points it out.

You think your feelings for women don’t count, or that all women have feelings “like that” but that they’re not valid because you think it’s a phase everyone goes through.

You don’t want to date men, but you feel like you have to.

You think that because you could survive dating, marrying, and/or having sex with a man, you’re attracted to men (hint: you don’t have to settle for just surviving).

You think it’s objective and uncontested that almost all women are way more attractive than most men. 

The men in your fantasies are faceless or symbolise an emotion. 

You don’t like fantasising about men. After fantasising about men you feel uncomfortable or wrong.

When fantasising about men, you’re not really into the man in your fantasy, or the fantasy itself. You imagine another woman in place of yourself or imagine that you’re the man in the fantasy.

Lesbian or gay feels like the label for you but you still doubt yourself for whatever reason. 

You’re only attracted to fictional men, celebrities, or man that are completely unattainable (i.e. your teacher, gay men, men in established relationships). Basically, you only like men if it’s impossible for them to like you back - very common.

You prefer/are exclusively attracted to “feminine” men, (i.e. men that wear traditionally feminine clothing, have traditionally feminine behaviors or appearances, and like traditionally feminine things) basically you only like men if they’re “womanly” enough. 

You’re repulsed by the dynamics of most/all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that”.

You think you might commitment-phobic because no relationship, no matter how great the guy, feels quite right and you drag your feet when the time comes to escalate it.

When you do escalate a relationship with a man, you do it mostly because you feel like he wants to, or because it’s the appropriate thing to doy.

You think your interest in seeing attractive women stems from the sexualisation and objectification of women in media.

You think all straight women feel attraction to women to at least some extent (hint: 100% straight women do exist).

You think you have to learn how to love men. 

You find yourself wishing you were a lesbian because it’d be so much easier to just be with women for the rest of your life. 

You think men-attracted women over-exaggerate their attraction to men and you can’t comprehend finding a man as attractive as they do. 

You can’t imagine being so invested in a man/relationship with a man or valuing a man/relationship with a man as much as men-attracted women.

You dread the idea of a future with a man.

Men expressing their attraction to men is more relatable than women expressing their attraction for men (there’s something specific about same-gender attraction that any form of it is just more relatable than different gender attraction).

You think you just have to give men a chance. 

You feel very uncomfortable reading or watching m/f erotica, or even just general m/f romantic interactions.

Other people tell you you’re acting like an over-invested lesbian ally or you feel like you are acting like an over-invested lesbian ally. 

You think your relationships with men don’t work out because you’re bad at relationships in general.

You think you just have high standards and that’s why you don’t want to date any men.

You think you’re just a late bloomer and will be attracted to men eventually.

You just. Pick a dude at random to be attracted to. 

The only men you’re attracted to are those who hurt you, harass you, or abuse you. 

You think it’s impossible for lesbians to have a happy future with women but you think you could be the exception to the rule (this ties in with internalised homophobia). 

Do you love them because they’re your boyfriend or are they your boyfriend because you love them? If it’s the first, you might not actually be attracted to them.

You go through past memories trying to prove your attraction to men (”But I had a boyfriend when I was 13!”).

You put yourself through having romantic or sexual relationships with men to prove to yourself and other people that you’re attracted to men. 

You know that lesbians exist but you think you can’t possibly be one of them because if you were, you’d know already - very common. 

You think you’re attracted to men but just don’t want to date them.

You don’t like kissing/touching/having sex with your husband/boyfriend or you’re not attracted to your husband/boyfriend but it must be because he’s not the one for you (or another excuse). 

Most of your experiences with men are/were men being attracted to you, and you sort of going along with it. 

You only develop attraction to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to them. 

You find yourself wishing you could just have one hot fling with a woman just to try it out, or fantasise about it. 

You think attraction is just “not being disgusted by a man”.

You enjoy consuming f/f erotica a lot more than any other type, and find fantasising about women a lot more satisfying than any other fantasy. 

You crave “platonic” physical contact with your female friends but wish that men would just leave you alone.

You’re only attracted to men whose attention would somehow be profitable (i.e. men in positions of power such as your boss).

Deciding who to be attracted to, or asking people who you should crush on.

You try to pursue your feelings for other women through going on “platonic dates” with women and “practising on women”. 

You think you’re too young/busy to be attracted to men or have a fulfilling relationship with a man. 

“I would totally date [x woman] if they were a guy!! ! !!”

You have abstract crushes that you don’t actually want to progress into romantic and/or sexual relationships - very common.

You date men because it’s what you’re supposed to do, and stay with them because you can’t find a good reason to break up.

You really want to be a lesbian and only date women but feel like you can’t because of some lingering, vague idea of attraction to men, but the idea of dating a man is distressing, gross, upsetting, boring, unsatisfying or makes you feel trapped.

Being very specific with the men you’re “interested” in but having absolutely no type when it comes to girls because they’re all so beautiful.

Your favourite character in every show is that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman (examples: Shego from Kim Possible, Spinelli from Recess, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica).

You wish your boyfriend/husband was more like a female friend.

You can flip on your attraction to men like a switch - very common.

here, have some happy girls and their girlfriends/wives/significant others ♥

This is a meme that mainly involves using the phrase “oh, worm?” and variations thereof.

The phrase “oh, worm?” seems to be a purposeful alteration of the phrase “oh word”, a phrase associated with a macro on Meme Generator which has been dubbed “Lil D-wade” [archived link]. The macro features what is presumably a childhood photo of the American basketball player Dwyane Wade.

In one instance of the macro, the image was captioned with “OH WORM?”. From scrolling through the instances of captions for the macro, one can see that the meme with the “OH WORM?” caption has been generated several times. (Here is an example of one.)

It is unclear as to when the “OH WORM?” caption was first used. However, it seems to have existed since at least November 2016.

The phrase “oh, worm?” was brought to Tumblr thanks, in part, to Tumblr user @6thhouse. (The user wrote to us in this reblog here.)

On 9 November 2016, the user published a text post that simply stated, “oh worm?” Then, on 10 November 2016, the user made another post referencing “oh, worm?”; this post stated, “i’ve devolved into a caveman that can only say ‘mood’ and ‘oh worm?’”. This latter post has proved to be quite popular, garnering more than 15,000 notes.

Interest in “oh, worm?” returned in 2017 when the user @6thhouse made another post about it on 18 February 2017. This post requested for “oh worm.jpg”, which was then supplied in a reblog.

Subsequently, the phrase “oh, worm?” became popular on Tumblr. After the post from 18 February 2017, there was a relatively slow growth of the meme. For example, a post originally published on 11 May 2017 featured the phrase “oh worm” in a glittery typography.

However, the meme seemed to have had a greater growth in popularity starting around June 2017. For example, one post originally published on 8 June 2017 makes mention of “oh, wyrm?” Another post, originally published on 5 June 2017, crossed the oh, worm? meme with the nut button meme.

The meme has experienced continued popularity after June 2017. For instance, one post, originally published on 27 July 2017, states, “Literally how does “oh worm?” express every possible human emotion”.

Part of the interest in the meme appears to be the fact that the meme’s origins have remained elusive despite its popularity. For example, there was a submission to r/OutOfTheLoop from 8 June 2017 asking about the oh, worm? meme which has remained “unanswered”. (Also, this post makes reference to how not even Meme Documentation knew the origin of the meme.)

Acknowledgements go to @6thhouse and all the users who helped us research this meme!

わしょーい　わしょーい