a piece of me

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: "don't fall in love with me" but… she already had. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I always get nervous when I'm going to see him, not that it happens often, with our hectic schedules and everything else life throws at us, but the moment I find those tired eyes lighting up when they meet mine, everything else disappears.

We met on a random train ride, and ever since we exchanged numbers, he's always been on my mind. Around me like a cloud, in my thoughts, or as a notification on my phone. I've only seen Noah four times since the day I went to his band's show. Six dates, and the connection we've built during those moments and in between them feels both comforting and dangerous at the same time. It could just be comforting, but like everyone else, I have a bad history with romance, and I don't want to get hurt again.

I know six dates aren't much, but we don't even live in the same state. Sometimes we're not even in the same time zone, so I think our whole situation deserves a little credit. Being physically together isn't our strongest point, but thanks to technology, that's never really been a problem. He's more present in my life than so many people I can actually reach out and touch.

That's what happens when you date a rock star.

I chuckle to myself. That still feels absurd.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks.

We're lying on my sofa, our bodies intertwined, his fingers laced with mine.

"You," I admit, unable to hide the smile in my voice.

He pulls me closer into his embrace.

"I missed you so much," Noah murmurs, his voice muffled against my hair.

I pull back just enough to kiss him. His lips meet mine, and all my worries seem to disappear. All I can think about is him.

Here.

With me.

Before I realize it, I'm sitting on his lap, his hands slipping beneath my clothes as if the space between us still isn't close enough.

We pull apart just enough to catch our breath. I stare at his swollen lips, my hands cupping his face, savoring every second of being this close to him. I've been counting down the days until this moment.

He studies me too, his eyes heavy with desire and emotions I can't quite read.

His finger traces the curve of my face before his hand comes to rest against my cheek, his touch impossibly gentle.

"Don't fall in love with me," he whispers, his eyes locked on mine.

Noah's words hit me like a bucket of cold water, making me freeze.

"What?" I whisper.

"Those eyes... I know what they mean. You can't fall in love with me."

My heart starts pounding in my chest, but not for a good reason this time. The heavy rhythm echoes in my ears as every piece of emotional baggage I carry collides with the feelings I've been nurturing for him over the past few months. I knew this could happen. I knew it probably would. I chose to take that risk anyway… I also know what I have to do.

"Then we should stop this," I reply, going against everything I feel. My hands slip away from his face as I prepare to stand. 

Something shifts in his expression. There's regret there, and I swear I can hear a hint of panic in his voice. I pretend not to notice the way his other hand tightens around my waist, pulling me even closer.

"I don't wanna stop this. I like talking to you every day."

"It's too late, Noah."

My heart is lodged in my throat, pounding so hard it feels like it could come out of my mouth.

"I'm already in love with you."

I guess I'm the one who threw a bucket of cold water over him this time, because Noah stares at me as if I'd just said the most absurd thing in the world.

I don't know what he expected after saying something like that to me. Maybe he thought I'd simply accept his conditions and move on, but whatever this is between us has always been far more emotional than physical and... God, my mind starts racing with a thousand questions and possibilities.

I take advantage of his moment of shock to stand up. I walk over to the counter that separates the kitchen from the living room, stopping by the sink as if I'm about to pour myself a glass of water. But I don't even want one. I just needed to get away from him. Standing here almost feels like being in another room, even though we're somehow still in the same one. I can only hope the counter puts enough distance between us.

"I've had my heart broken too many times before, and I don't want to go through that pain again. So if you don't want to be with me for real, I'd rather you leave now. I can survive a little crush, but I can't risk loving you." I keep talking, trying to make him understand.

His eyes follow my every move, as if he's studying me.

"You're very sure about this," he says calmly.

"Yes." I meet his gaze. He's sitting upright on the couch now, his elbows resting on his knees, his eyes fixed on mine. "Like I said, I've already been broken."

Silence settles between every sentence we exchange. Somehow, we've stepped into dangerous territory, as if every word could set off a bomb.

"You never told me any of this," he says after a few seconds.

"We never talked about it." There's a hint of sadness in my voice because now it all feels so insignificant and so overwhelming at the same time. We've talked about everything in our lives except the one thing that would've forced us to face whatever this is between us.

"And that was a mistake, wasn't it? We should've talked about it sooner, but..." I shrug, taking a deep breath. "Did you ever think we had a future? No, right? You never did."

It's a rhetorical question, one that lets every one of my insecurities slip through.

"That's not what I was going to say," he says, his voice still so calm that it irritates me.

Why is he so calm? I'd rather he be yelling at me. I'm so much better at handling fights than quiet, vulnerable conversations.

Noah stands and walks over until he's right in front of me.

"You're defensive," he says. "What happened?"

He reaches for my hand, and only then do I realize it's trembling. I'm so cold it feels like I've just stepped out of an ice bath. In an instant, I'm wrapped in every memory and every trigger from a past I'd give anything to erase.

"You're scared," he says, pulling me back to reality before asking again, "What happened?"

"I..." I try to say something, but my voice fails me. I take a deep breath and try again. "I lost myself the last time. In my last relationship, it was... bad. Really bad. And it took me so long to find myself again. I'm just careful with my heart now. I can't give it to someone who..."

"Doesn't deserve it," he finishes. "I don't deserve it."

Noah lifts my hands to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss against each one.

"You're too good to be true."

I shake my head.

"That's not it. I just want to be with someone who's in this the same way I am. I can't keep hanging by a thread anymore. We've been talking every single day for eight months now. You know everything about my day, every little detail about me and my whole life. I know the same about you and... I don't know, Noah. I thought we were on the same page."

"Eight months," he says.

I let out a slow breath. 

"Yeah. Eight months."

Maybe I was expecting something else, not just the amount of time we've been doing this.

"And now?" I ask.

He stays quiet for a moment, lost in thought, before finally speaking.

"Now we're going to enjoy the weekend we've been planning for months. We're going to take a shower and relax because I don't think either of us is ready to have this conversation. And then, when we've both calmed down, we'll figure something out."

He kisses my forehead before pulling me into his arms.

We stand there in the middle of my kitchen, holding each other, as if time itself has stopped.

And that's exactly what we did. We relaxed. We enjoyed every second together until it was finally time to say goodbye, and we both decided that this goodbye would last a little longer this time.

That was the last time we ever spoke. 

I don't know if I dodged a bullet or if I just lost the love of my life.

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Author's Note: You don't have to, but if you want a bit more context on these two, feel free to check out the previous parts. 

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: a stranger in a train that captive her heart, never seen him again… but his face was familiar, maybe that was more than just a connection, maybe she already saw him somewhere. A lot of research and… oh, yeah, she really sees his face before, her and millions of people… it's just sad that he seems so untouchable. Right?

Author’s note: Okay, so part 2 was unexpected, but It's here!! And now I have a few more ideas for this same couple and context… I think there are more coming. Anyway, hope you like it! xx

Part One (You don't have to necessarily read the first part to understand this one, it's up to you)

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Just when I thought that my chances are over, I found him. The stranger I’ve met in a train coming back from my hometown months ago, talked for hours and I left without knowing his name.

I took the same train and visit my parents more times than is good for my mental health, I sat there and wait for him, but got nothing. Then I searched in social media, everywhere I could think of, but it is so difficult to search for something - someone in this case - that you know nothing about. I have an image in my mind, the sound of a laugh, and nothing more. We shared so much that day, but as the days passed it seemed like nothing. Then, when I gave up and convinced myself that I was making it bigger than it should have been, when I accepted that it had become just a great memory, exactly how I wanted it, I found him.

Screaming in my phone, I'm not the only one that think he's a cool guy. I feel kind of stupid when I realize that he's not just an ordinary person, and that's probably why I thought I already knew him that day on the train.

Not a surprise, just me romanticizing my life again.

And maybe that is the reason why I'm doing it again, because I swear that I feel something more around this - him. In my delusion mind, you don't meet someone by chance. You don't screw up the chance you have to really know someone when you feel a special connection with them. Not like I did. Maybe that's the reason that I feel the necessity to just see him again. I don't know what I expect of this, and maybe I should just let it go, but I have friends that are delusional like me, and they support me with this crazy feeling… So, yeah, I listened to all of his band's albums and came to a show - just because it was in my city. It's not like I fight for tickets when I found out that they would be here. Not at all. 

Everything was good, and I was already feeling that coming to the show was the closure that I need to this history when my friend Anna, that came with me, grab my hand while we're exiting the venue.

“Let's wait outside. I know some fans do it, sometimes they stop to take pictures and talk to them.”

I get nervous immediately. I've already seen him, discovered who he is and for me that's enough, I don't have the courage to be in front of him again. I don't want him to think that I'm stalking him and make this role thing uncomfortable. It was supposed to be something nice, just it. Actually, it was just supposed to be a memory. Everything that happened after I left that day shouldn't have happened, I didn't say my name because I didn't want anything to happen. I'm going further than I should, I'm exceeding the limit I drew for myself. It's more than enough.

“No! We can't wait for them!” I protest, thinking in an excuse when Anna looks at me, her eyes narrow, knowing me well enough. “I have to work in the morning.”

“You can miss one rehearsal.”

“I have class tomorrow. I can't miss it, I'm the teacher.” I say, but Anna doesn't take me serious, she knows that I'm having a meltdown right now. “What if they don't even came out? We’re just going to lose time waiting here.”

Squeezing my hand, she smiles at me.

“Then at least you tried.”

So we wait, talk with some people that are waiting there too and it's cool. It's nice. But I can't stop feeling that I'm doing something wrong being here. I don't know, betraying the universe, maybe? I made my choice that day and just because I regret it now, can I just switch sides? 

Uh, no, I don't think so. 

Maybe it's supposed to be just like it was, some nice exchange in the train between strangers. Maybe it supposed for me not saying my name.

I'm almost given up and going home when I see them coming in our direction. Anna has a big smile in her face, her eyes shinning, and I almost can hear her saying - he's here! He's here! - but I just look at her and then at him approaching the others, and I freeze, taking a step back. 

There's another member of the band with him - with I know now that his name is Nicholas - and they start to talking with the little crowed waiting for them. I stay in the corner with Anna, without a clue to how to start this interaction without being a weirdo.

I'm still considering running out of here when his eyes catch me one time. Two times. A little frowning in his face in the third time. What if he doesn't remember me? 

“I know you” he says, his eyes studying mine, coming closer.

“We met at…” But I don't need to finish when his faces changes. He recognizes me. 

“Yes, I remember” he smiles. “You found me.”

I let out a small nervous breath, forcing it into a weak smile.

“It took long enough, but yes. I did found you.”

There’s a grin that won't leave his lips, and I cannot stop staring at it. 

“What's your name?” Yeah, here's the million dollars question.

I finally tell him my name, answering the question I should have answered months ago when I had the opportunity, then had to beg the universe for another chance.

“Well, I’m Noah” he says next.

“Nice to meet you.” I chuckled nervously.

I already know his name, but him saying it to me feels more legit. I think I can finally stop referring to this man in my mind as him or the stranger.

He finally has a name.

“You liked the show?” Noah asks.

“Yes! It was so great!” I rejoiced. “You guys are so talented! I was shocked when I was listening the albums, I'm just… I became a fan.”

The smile in Noah’s lips grows and the shy look in his eyes makes strange things happen in my stomach. I really hope that's not butterflies. It's like something frozen at the moment, at the same time suddenly I'm well aware of the people still around us, hoping for a little more time with the members of the band they came to see. 

Noah gives me a little embrace, catching me off guard when I hear his voice so close.

“You found me, now it's my time” he whispers in my ear.

“I follow you” I replied, the words coming out my mouth like it's an urgency. 

“Great.” he says, stepping back and giving attention to the person next to us.

I look around for Anna, who I didn't even see leaving, she's back at my side in a second.

“How it was?” she asks as we leave. 

“He said he's going to find me” I chuckle. “ I think on social media? I don't know.”

“It would be suspicious if he asked for your number in front of everyone.” She considers. “Or even invite you for, I don't know… their bus” Anna makes a funny face, giving me a side look. “I wouldn’t let you leave with him like that anyway, he’s cute and talented, but he’s still a man.”

I laugh, loving her a little more for taking care of me.

“I wouldn’t abandon you like that.” I say. “Thank you for coming with me.”

"Of course. As if I would miss the chance to help my best friend meet her train crush, who happened to be a fucking rock star." She rolls her eyes, getting into the car.

“It don't even make sense.” I let out a disbelief laugh. “Did you see how many people were there today? This is like impossible, he's famous, a celebrity, I'm not the kind of person…”

“Stop it right now.” She interrupts me. “He's a person just like you are. Yes, he's talented and is in a band that obviously is getting bigger every second, but it doesn't mean anything. He's human. You're human. It's all we need.”

“You're right, I'm thinking too much again.” I say, starting the car. “At least I tried.”

I'm already home getting ready to sleep when a notification came on my phone. A message on Instagram from an account with a peculiar profile pic. I don't make a ceremony and open it right away.

“I can't believe that I spend two hours talking with you that day and don't ask your name first thing!” 

“I swear, I'm not like this in normal situations”

“You got me nervous”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to stop myself from smiling.

“I'm sorry for not saying my name when you asked. I regret it every day since I left.” 

“Two fools”

“How did you found me? I tried to look for you but get nothing”

“Well, I'm not as popular as you”

“A video of the band randomly appeared on my timeline, I think I talked about the guy on the train so much to my friends that the algorithm took pity on me and threw it in my face.”

“For once social media did something right”

“So… You're going to stay in town or…?”

“No. We already left”

“I didn't want to expose you out there earlier, but if you get me your number, I can let you know when I'm around?”

“I'll understand if you don't want to, my life can be a little crazy sometimes.”

There's no hesitation in my answer.

“I really want to know better the guy that I met on the train three months ago and can't stop wondering about, so… Yes, If that's okay for you.”

“Great. I've searched for you in every city that we go to since that day, can't wait to properly get to know you too, stranger.”

So I sent my number.

And God, I should have known I was in trouble the moment I got that first message from him. As the days went by, I realized that I was crazy to think that Noah was untouchable just because of what he does for a living, he has become the funniest and sweetest person I know.

We're definitely not strangers anymore.

Not when we talk every day now.

Not when I learned all his favorites.

Noah Sebastian x Reader

Summary: Two strangers on a train.

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I hate weekends in my hometown. I hate the person that I’m there and how everybody already has an opinion formed about who I am, there's no possibility of change when I'm in that place. But it's family… And we are supposed to visit family, right?

Sometimes I think the weight in my chest when I left isn't worth it. 

I'm already on the train coming back to where I live now, but I still can't take my mind out of that place. Flashbacks of moments that I lived in the past three days keep coming for every word that I read in the book that I’m trying to finish. Everything that I can think about is: how can people that I love so much can be so mean? 

Silly girl, she doesn't do anything right.

Did she win a prize? Well, but that one doesn't matter.

She's feeling too much, seeing things where they do not exist.

Silly girl, you are never gonna be enough.

“What are you reading?” A throaty voice takes me out of my thoughts. My eyes flew to the man sitting opposite of me, something on his face tells me that the question was unexpected for him too.

“Uh?” I ask, even if I understand what he says, maybe giving him a chance to just pretend that nothing happened. But now all the unexpected things are gone in his posture, the corners of his mouth turning up.

“You already stopped three times now, so I'm guessing that it's embarrassing or really bad that you can't even continue?” he speculates. “Just got me curious about what you're reading.”

I chuckle, shaking my head.

“A romance. A good one, but…” I sighed, looking down at my e-reader. “I'm just not in the mood, I think.”

When I look back at him and our gaze connects, it's like something changes in the air. His dark brown eyes studied me and I feel my heart racing. I don't know what, but something is happening here. Some detail on his face gives me the impression that I've already known him. Dark brown hair, pale skin covered with tattoos, he's obviously beautiful, but… These eyes tickle my heart. It's almost too comfortable. It just feels… right.

Jesus Christ, am I going crazy?

I'm not the kind of person who talks with anyone, I'm the opposite of an extrovert actually, but I don't want - don't even think that I can - ignore his presence and pretend that nothing happened. So I make words come out of my mouth, transforming any chance that I see in him into a subject.

“What are you listening to?” I ask, noticing that he's wearing earbuds.

“Nothing. I put this on so people don’t talk to me.” He grins. “You should try this next time.”

My eyebrows rise and a teasing smile forms on my lips. 

“Right, so strangers on a train don't start conversations with me.”

“Yes, people are so inconvenient these days.” He mocked. “Like, it's the first time that I take this train but If I knew it was so well attended, I would take it more often. Even though I'm just passing around this area… But you don't want to know about this”

“No.” I laugh, biting my lip. “Actually, it's the first time that this train is well attended, if you randomly want to know.”

He adjusted in his seat, crossing his arms with a pleasing look on his face. 

“So, you take this very often?” His question is a snap of the fingers, reminding me of where I am and why I'm on this train one more time. My smile slowly fades. “Yes. More than I want.” 

He's quick, changing the subject and dragging me to talk about things that I normally don't talk about with strangers. The time flies and I wish I could stop the world from spinning just for a little more of this moment.

Two hours later, when we arrive, all I can think about is: how can a person that I met less than a day make me feel better than someone that I had known my entire life?

The conversation slowly fades while we arrange the baggage that we have with us so we can leave. I stand, thinking how to say goodbye. 

“Hey” he shouts and I look at him. “Can you tell me your name?”

I force a smile, feeling my whole world crashing inside when all my insecurities involve me in a tight embrace that I have no choice or escape. I like the way he looks at me and I don't want to ruin that image. Sometimes - every day - I have this feeling that I’m invisible. Everybody passes through me and doesn't notice, too ordinary to stain a life. If he gets to know me, whatever we create here, it's going to vanish. The voice is back whispering in my ear. “You have the personality of a door, nobody remembers you.”

A memory worth more than a disappointment? 

A mystery certainly does.

“You're a good trip partner, stranger” I said, then left.

Stupid girl, you should have said your name. 

Three months have passed since that day, I've already taken this train more times than I should. Every single time I remember him, hoping that the universe gives me one more chance.

I keep looking at the door, he never comes back.

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Author’s note: I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, english isn't my first language. I hope you like it. xx