Headcanons For APH States!

Maryland: 🎶Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, li- D.C.: NO! I big kid.

DC is Mary(land)'s Little Lamb. Maryland saw a chance and they took it.

California is like the hippie grandmother who lectures you about your weight every time you see them.

California trying to get Texas and New York to eat healthier. It doesn't work

I feel like Texas and Florida are those people that when they say duck, everyone ducks because they're probably about to blow something up.

Headcanon that DC knows everything about every state. That embarrasing emo phase? They know. That one time you ate an entire chicken leg in one go? They know and are very impressed

I would like to point out that that last ask was meant for a vampire AU on another blog. I didn't pay attention to which one I was on and sent it here by mistake. Very sorry.

Tex notices a mark on Okla that doesn't match the ones they made and realizes it looks a lot like the ones CSA put on the Confederate territories. When they ask Okla where they got that, Okla says that CSA told them they looked a lot like Sequoyah and wanted to know if they tasted like them, too.

"i wonder how i’m gonna die. will i be shot because they’re jealous of my massive penis? car crash because i’m distracted by my massive penis? die of old age, i have a massive penis." -Ontario, probably

I can see California and Nevada getting along really well. Like Cali is completely chill with pretty much everything(and almost always high) and Nevada is a party animal so Nevada could just be like "Hey buddy wanna get ridiculously drunk and gamble away everything we own" and Cali would just be like "K just let me finish getting dressed" and it's 3AM and they're nuts

Oklahoma has taken years of ballet and gymnastics. They don't really consider themself to be that great, but Kansas tells them they're amazing after every performance.

Utah unironically loves the Bee Movie

Ont playing 'Ahead By a Century' on guitar for Queb

Rhode Island tastes delicious pan-seared in butter.

Wyoming and Montana are functioning alcoholics. They have to be to put up with the rest of the states bull****.