I used to dream of beauty and creating. I used to be excited and want to do so many things. I wanted to see people. I had longings and passions. And as I drifted into the world and into age those things faded from me. It’s hard feeling alone. It’s hard feeling like I’m just surviving. It’s hard being next to somebody who’s so constantly negative and empty, attempting to not only fill my own cup but theirs as well. At some point I was unable to fill either cup at all. I know it’s nobodies fault, I’m responsible for myself. But my flame faded and faded…

How does anybody gain or nurture a passion? What does anybody live for? I’m not fully sure what I even live for anymore. I just don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know if others feel this way or if it’s just me. I feel too old for this, but also so young and clueless. I do my best to extract whatever joys and pleasure I can from my day to day.

How do people live? How do they go on? I’ve been in limbo for I don’t know how long. I thought I knew where I was going. I thought I knew what my life would look like in five years. And I still haven’t recovered from that loss…