Fairy Tales

I have not updated this blog in quite sometime. A good friend reminded me. It's nice to know that someone reads or looks at the this thing.

I found this song is very beautiful. This song is me. <3

My life is just as strange as it has always been. It's full of many unique characters. These characters hold such interesting lives and that is something I have been learning about life recently. Its all about the people we surround ourselves with which makeup the stories to become. I have rid myself of some of the parasites in my life, which in the least I can say has made me grow up. To realize that somethings are not worth the struggle and to see perspectives that were once skewed and somehow being able to make sense of them.

I know exactly where I am and who I am. Its amazing.

I could never really get a good sense of utopia throughout my years. I have learned that what is divine for me is simplicity. I used to think there were outside forces that I needed to make sense of my days. Turns out I just needed a new lease on life. A fresh start. I have somehow managed to rid most of the paralyzing dissapointments that lingered in my life. From low-life friends to shitty ex boyfriends, crappy jobs or a scourned childhood.

I have conquered many defeats I didnt think I could.

Though I have been enlightened by a vast reality check, I still dream. Which will always be apart of who I am. I have found the perfect balance of life hanging... above with clouds and still doing all the necessary things to have a healthy life and stable mind.

<3

I feel so different these days.  It is not a strange feeling.  I feel more whole actually.  My perspective has changed simply based off of some events that recently fell upon my life.  All very very different and yet connected at the core of everything.  If you have never felt anything like that: I pray that at least you will have the opportunity once.  I still have not felt inspired my creative side is just subdued at the moment.  I'm not to worried about it, I am more focused on right now rather than tomorrow.  When I hear songs like "unravel" it does make something inside of me flourish. So that's good.  I always thought listening to bjork was like observing a hypnotic painting, where my eyes follow the lines and the colors and the contrast and I cant stop trying to figure it out and yet it captivates a certain beauty that rings something true to my heart.  Something I "get" without actually knowing that I do.  Anywho...

I saw your dream the other day.

I was standing at a distance

trapped in the cage of our yesterday.

I cried only once

As I learn everyday

strength can be redeemable. 

I close my eyes to it everyday.

As it sits in my chest,

my soul,

my head...

"I am not a part of your dream anymore..."

I woke up blurred and sick.

My brain bleeding.

I threw it all up.

Watched the night before and it's mistakes

drown.

I couldn't blame you

for you are only human.

But I can hate you 

because I am a woman. 

My body I told you is mine

"You are nice, but stay away"

I couldnt tell you what its like to be used

I dont remember.

Its all fuzzy.

My eyes fell back...

you saw attack.

I could regret it

instead I will keep my distance.  

From it all.

From it all.

From it all.

I am not afraid 

to put anyone to shame.

It is the fate of your decision...

besides, I as well

am only human.

Its been a while

since I saw your hands

You wouldnt know it,

I never told you.

They are not the hands that I fell in love with years ago...

They are new

and strong

and soft.

You wouldnt know it

I keep things from you.

You are far now.

I saw you.

You are beautiful

perhaps lost

but simple

and warm.

I never imagined 

with my imagination

full of robots, guitars

the moon

and cartoons

that it would be you

who I would choose.

You cast yourself off

as somebody skewed 

off balance.

I know though,

you are normal.

and broken like me.

We held each other beneath 

2am stars.

You told me I still had a wall up

I smiled a little 

it's true.

i have been blue for sometime.

Somehow beneath our past loves

for others far now.

Beneath drunken nights

and foggy perspective

Beneath alter egos

and nicknames

we can stand there

connected somehow

beneath it all

always

connected beyond 

the shit we call our life.

we go our separate ways because 

we have to

but maybe someday

we could explore

the world

and mountains

or skies

something far away from 

the crutches we lean on today

and have no excuses for

why

and no qualms over

where

if we could just let go

and go

I would take your hand

and run.

Sometimes the ocean is pretty.  

Sometimes its just not.

"You feel what you feel it doesn't have to make sense..."

Smoke break.  

"Despite of my rage I am still just a rat in a cage..."  Well it's been a while since I tumbled.  I missed it I must say.  Not a whole lot has changed.  I cannot wait for the new year; this one blew hard.  

I am still in love with what I cant have.  

My head is held high.

far past the skies' clouds

the moon

and that stars.

To dream is to deceive

the moment of now...

usually now is empty...

tomorrow, I hope is better.

So I will be taking a disconnecting from the world of online for 3 months.  Wish me luck.  Cheers to new adventures in life!

I love Charmed.  It's so cheesingly (made up word) fantastic.  There is nothing like mediocre acting and weak plot lines not to mention horrible graphics...I cant get enough!!!

I FAIL AT TIMING.

My time is never on time.