ALDER

Teagan paced around the room, holding papers. Today was the day she would finally do it. She was lost in her anxious thoughts when her husband Rodger walked in. “What are those papers for…?” he asked. But he really knew what those papers were for. Teagan looked at him and held the papers up. “I am divorcing you, Rodger.” she said to her soon to be ex-husband, frowning. Rodger threw his hat on the ground and said “aw, shucks.” But then he placed one of his fingers on his chin in an inquisitive manner, “might I ask… Why?” he said, also raising one of his eyebrows and lowering the other. “You know why.” she responded, “Sign it. Now.” Rodger rolled his eyes and took out a cool antique fountain pen from his pocket and wrote his name: Roger. He spelled it wrong. He handed the divorce papers back to Teagan and she sighed and added the D into Rodger’s signature. Neither of them considered whether or not this was legal but it probably isn’t that big of a deal and no one cares and this isn’t relevant to the story. 

Rodger left his and Teagan’s McMansion and walked down their very long driveway, past their 15 sports cars. 8 Lamorghinis, 3 Bugattis and 4 Ferraris. So what if he was losing his wife? He still had his cars. The cars were tandem parked so he could only really drive the one on the end. As he pulled out the keys and unlocked the door, someone tapped him on the shoulder. “Excuse me. You can’t drive that car.” the shoulder tapper said. Rodger turned around to see Teagan’s lawyer Dyle. Dyle put one hand on his hip and wagged one of the fingers on his other hand disapprovingly, “did you even read the papers? Teagan owns these cars now.” Rodger’s mouth flew wide open, “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!” he exclaimed. “T-there’s no way! She took my cars! I… I have nothing now…” Rodger fell to his knees, sobbing. “There, there.” said Dyle, patting Rodger on the head, then whispering to himself “this is kind of awkward, huh.” 

5 minutes passed and Rodger kept crying, now clinging onto Dyle’s leg like a child. Dyle wasn’t sure how to leave this situation. “Um, Rodger,” Dyle said, looking down at him, “I’m kinda late for my meeting with your wife… I mean… ex-wife… haha.” Rodger wiped his tears, “but she took my cars! What else do I have?” Dyle looked at the sky in thought. He was thinking about what Teagan left for Rodger in the divorce, but she took pretty much everything. “Okay. If you don’t let go of my leg right now, Rodger. I will shoot you.” Rodger immediately let go and ran down the street. Dyle is very intimidating. Rodger ran and ran until he couldn’t anymore, and ended up downtown. But wait… What was that in front of him?

In front of him was a BMW dealership. It was fate. He didn’t need Teagan or her cars. He was going to get his own. Rodger walked up to the front counter and greeted the sales associate, “top of the morning to you! I’m Rodger.” The sales associate smiled and held out his hand to shake, “Welcome to BMW, I’m Boxten.” Rodger shook his hand and looked around the dealership at the same time, avoiding eye contact with Boxten to signal disrespect and his superiority. “So…” Rodger said, “Give me your finest car.” Boxten smiled to himself. He was prepared to make a big commission. “Okay, let me lead you there.” Boxten took Rodger to the most luxurious BMW in their dealership. Rodger fell in love with the car, “I’ll take it” he said. “Okay!” Boxten said, “Cash or card?” Rodger didn’t know how to answer. Usually Teagan did the answering at this part. “Do I have to pay?” Rodger asked. Boxten bitchfaced Rodger, “Yeah. Idiot. Of course you have to pay. Dumbass.” Rodger could not believe the way the sales associate was speaking to him. “Let me speak to your manager.” Rodger demanded.

Boxten scowled, “Uh, no. Right to refuse service. Leave.” Rodger looked Boxten in the eyes intimidatingly, and applied a trick he learned from Dyle the lawyer. “If you don’t give me the car, I’m going to shoot you.” “What?!” Boxten looked at Rodger like he was crazy, “I- I would call the cops but my manager says I’m not allowed to call the cops or they’re going to find out all these cars are stolen and we aren’t a real BMW dealership! I’m calling my manager! Fine!”

Rodger and Boxten waited 10 minutes in silence for Boxten’s manager to descend down the stairs. It was a really tall building for a car dealership. Probably like 15 stories. But when Rodger’s eyes met with the manager’s eyes, he fell in love with the manager more than he fell in love with the car he was trying to buy. “What’s the problemo?” the manager asked Boxten. Boxten took a deep breath and began, “This crazy man said I need to give him this car for free or he’s-” Rodger interrupted Boxten by covering his mouth with his hand. “No, no… Haha… What I said was he needs to give me his gorgeous manager’s number or I’m going to shoot him. Shoot as in take a photograph. LOL.” The manager giggled and blushed too but his cheeks were already pink so it was hard to tell. “Haha… Really? I mean… yeah I get asked for my number a lot. I’ll give it to you I guess. My name is Glisten.” Rodger smiled and removed his hand from Boxten’s mouth and held it out to Glisten for him to hold. Glisten grabbed his hand and they skipped out of the fake BMW dealership together. Everyone’s happy! Oh wait… Except Boxten.

Boxten was seething. He kept thinking to himself about what a terrible manager Glisten was. He didn’t even try to protect him from that crazy guy who threatened to shoot him. He needed revenge. But what could he possibly do to make Glisten feel sorry? He thought about telling the cops about Glisten’s auto theft ring but that would be kind of boring probably. Boxten rubbed his chin in a thoughtful way so that he could come up with a good revenge scenario, and one finally came to him. He walked up the stairs to Glisten’s office and opened his computer. The password was easy to crack, it was just “glisten”. He opened Glisten’s LinkedIn account and began typing out a post. Oh… Glisten was going to get what he deserved… Boxten laughed maniacally and hit post once he finished typing. 

So have this random Trophy I doodled last wednesday

@glistenling

Glisten sat in his dimly lit padded room, dying of boredom. “oh man” he said. There wasn’t anything for him to do here. he really was not sure how to pass this dreary wednesday afternoon. Then… he had an idea. He unlocked the door of his room and climbed the exit ladder to the street. He walked down the cold wet concrete sidewalk until he reached his destination.

The bowling place.

He opened the doors to The Bowling Place and was greeted by a familiar face. “hey’ said Looey. Looey owned the place. He was what some might call a master bowler. Like, he really liked bowling. “Hey” glisten said back. “So, “ glisten said “how much is it for one bowling lane for one hour?” “Oh, this is a hard question” said looey, “have you tried looking at the sign right there?” Looey pointed at the sign on the wall that said all the bowling prices and times. “Thank you looey” said glisten, who also sighed. He gave Looey 2 quarters and looey gladly accepted them. “Oh wait, does this also cover the bowling shoe rental?” glisten asked looey. Looey shook his head and held out his hand (if he had one). Glisten sighed again, but this time more dramatically and then gave looey another quarter and then looey gave glisten a shoe or two.

 Glisten put on his bowling shoes and walked away to his lane. He looked at the selection of bowling balls. “Wow, there’s a lot of options” he thought. But before starting to bowl he entered his name on the display to track his points. He picked up the heaviest bowling ball (18 pounds). The ball he picked up was pink. He tried to bowl it but he really couldn’t because he’s not that strong. It went straight to the gutter. He tried bowling again but with another ball that was less heavy. This time, he tried with the ball that was 10 pounds. He bowled it and was able to knock down 2 pins. He jumped with joy, but then felt a hand tap him on the shoulder. He turned around, to see his good old friend blot. 

“Hey” said blot. “Hi” said glisten back, “long time no see, yeah?”. “It has certainly been a while glisten.” said blot. “That’s cool” said glisten. They shook hands. Blot raised his hand for a high five but glisten didn’t notice. “So you like to bowl?” Glisten asked Blot. “Yeah, i dabble.” replied Blot. “Cool,” said Glisten. Blot then waved and walked away.