Hey, guys. Pretty boring chapter but I decided to go with my original plan. I think I will end it next part!! Or two more parts!!!
As always, please leave a comment! I love hearing what you guys think about the chapter!!
The state of equilibrium is harder to achieve when the ground is moving and your head is pounding.
With a blurry vision, you place a hand on the wall. The world is spinning and you swear this is the last time you’re drinking this much in one night. You hear a door open and your short moment of peace is ruin when the loud music creep through the only barrier keeping it out.
“Let’s go.” Sunghwa says, wrapping his arm around your waist.
“No,” You retort back by pulling your body toward the wall – trying to get away for his grasp.
For some reason, you’re fuming with anger. You’re angry at him for making out with some random girl; angry at him for making a scene in there just minutes ago; angry at him for making you feel this way. Most of all, you’re angry at yourself for unconditionally loving him.
“I don’t want to fight about this. Let’s go.” Sunghwa says sternly, wrapping his arm around your waist as he proceeds to pull your body toward the exit.
With no energy left to protest, you let him do whatever he wants. You’re tired. Tired of always following two steps behind his every heartbeats. Hoping that one day he’ll turn around to notice you – waiting for him to love you back.
Lately, you’ve been dropping hints that you want something more than just a friendship. You mention more about the attractive guys that you’ve met, thinking that it might sparkle a little bit of jealously or realization on Sunghwa’s part. Realization that perhaps he has feelings for you – but nothing.
He continues going to the studio to write his songs - you don’t know if he’s just dense or he’s ignoring your advances. Tonight, at least, you’re clear on that question after seeing him flirting and getting cozy with some random girl.
He’s not interested in you – he will never be interested because you are just a friend to him. Correction, a “very close” friend to him. You don’t know what would hurt more – having him in your life as a very good friend or not having him in your life at all.
By the time you stop thinking all to yourself, Sunghwa and you are in a taxi. You’re lying down with your head resting on his lap. He mindlessly play with the strands of your hair, twisting it behind his fingers.
You watch him through your lashes. His gaze is fixated on the road. When he licks his lips, you notice his bottom lip is busted – evidence of the fight earlier. You bite your lips, feeling your eyes tearing up at the sight of Sunghwa.
Why did you have to fall for him?
You reaches up, extending a finger to poke at his bottom lip, “You’re bleeding.” You say.
Sunghwa looks down at you, impatiently at first. His expression softens when he sees the tears welling up in your eyes, “and whose fault is that?” He whispers softly.
How is this your fault? Didn’t he started this whole thing? Wasn’t he the one to stick his tongue down some girl’s throat? You only wanted Sunghwa to taste his own medicine by allowing yourself to be touch by another guy – what’s the point of waiting for him to love you back if Sunghwa never even consider you to be a love interest?
Before Sunghwa can brush away your tears, the droplets come running down your cheeks. His gaze softens as he reaches down to dab away the stream of fallen tears into your skin. He is gentle – always gentle with you and that just drives you crazy.
“I hate you.” You say through the muffles of your quiet sobs.
“Oh yeah?” Sunghwa questions, looking down at you. “I hate me too.” He says, agreeing with you. He has a vindicated expression on, making you think he’s being sarcastic.
“I hate you, Lee Sunghwa. I fucking hate you.” You say, grinding your teeth together. His teasing tone only makes you weep harder. Seeing this, Sunghwa tries to soothe you with his touches but you brush his hand away and throw him a dirty look.
“Don’t cry –“Sunghwa tries to touch you again, but you snap back at him before he can finish his sentence.
“Don’t cry? Why the fuck not?” Raising your voice, you try to control the anger and sadness building up inside of you.
You only fail when you mentally picture that girl sitting on his lap, him kissing her neck, and his hands disappearing inside the back of her shirt. You cry harder to the point you start hiccupping.
“I hate yo-“You hiccup, “I hate you!” You must sound really funny as you yell, sob, and hiccup all at the same time.
“Why?” Sunghwa asks, running his hand through your hair, trying to calm you down in any way he can.
At this point, you’re done. You are far gone from your normal composed self. You just want to release this burden that you’ve been carrying. You just want to tell him how you feel – tell him how he makes you feel.
“I hate you –“ You hiccup, “I hate you but I love you. I hate myself for loving you.” You say, closing your eyes and more tears start falling uncontrollably. However, a sense of relief washes over you – you finally declare your love to him.
When you open up your eyes again, Sunghwa is looking straight at you – waiting for you to finish what you want to say. In your current hazy state, you feel victorious in a sense because he’s listening to what you have to say.
“I love you. I love you so much –“ You hiccup again, sobbing at the same time. Pausing for a moment, you take a deep breathe to calm yourself down before continuing, “When I saw you kissing that girl, my heart was breaking but you don’t know that.” You whisper sadly, panting between the sobs.
You close your eyes to get away from Sunghwa’s scrutiny. Although you couldn’t see, you feel Sunghwa’s hand moving in slow and gentle stokes on your cheeks. Then you feel it, his soft lips on your eyes, kissing the tears running down your face away – but he didn’t say anything.
And you didn’t expect him to.
The emotionally outburst must have drained all the energy out of you. Before you know it, your tears stop and your breathing evens out. In no time, you are asleep in the comfort of Sunghwa’s lap.
What you didn’t see the moment you close your eyes to shut Sunghwa out – him looking down at you with all the adoration in the world.
You didn’t see him carrying you back to the apartment, laying you down in bed, and gently stoking and kissing your dry tears away.
You didn’t see the sadness in his eyes as he watches you sleep – reaching out to soothe away any distress you may have.
You didn’t see him kissing your template before making his way back to his own room – only to come back over and over again throughout the night to check on you.
You didn’t see it but it’s there – his love for you.
The morning after, you confront Sunghwa.
At first, you contemplate on bringing up the subject of last night at all. In all honestly, you don’t want to – but do you really have a choice? The two of you were drunk, but definitely not drunk enough to forget about what happened.
If you ignore the subject, it’ll just add strain to your friendship. After all, the whole incident is not that big of a deal, right? Sunghwa is a guy. It’s natural – no it’s only healthy for him to have sexual tendencies for goodness’ sake.
Waking up early, you quickly shower and prepare coffee and breakfast. It’s Sunday – Sunghwa and you normally run errands together on Sunday.
By the time Sunghwa enters the kitchen, you already finish cooking and setting up the table. He didn’t look surprise to see you as he mumbles the customary, “Good morning.”
“Did you sleep well?” You ask, reaching for the sponge to wash the dishes.
“Yea… Kind of.” Sunghwa says, “I’ll clean those later. You already cook breakfast.” He points at the dishes and pans in the sink.
“Wow. So generous today.” You tease him, grinning.
Your comment crack a sly smile on his face and you suddenly feel better. Still to this day, you pay attention to his every facial expressions. It will be a hard habit to break but you know once you move out of this apartment, it will be easier.
Sunghwa makes his way to the dining table, sitting down in his usual spot right across from you. He notices the leasing agreement is no longer there. You sit down at your spot seconds later. For a while, the two of you silently sip on your coffee.
“Look, I’m sorry about last night.” Sunghwa begins, looking up from his coffee mug to face you.
“It’s okay.” You reply, a little too fast. Casting your eyes down to your own cup.
“No, I’m sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.” Sunghwa says, giving you a pleading look.
“Sunghwa, this is why I’m moving out. You need to release some of that sexual frustration you’re building up.” You say, looking up at him. You try to give him a teasing grin – hoping to take away the tension of this whole conversation.
Before you know it, you hear Sunghwa choking on his coffee, coughing uncontrollably. “What?” He asks after his coughing fit stops.
“Really, I’m okay. Last night kind of made me happy…. I guess. ” You say as a matter of fact, “After living with you for seven years, you never attempt to make a move on me. I always thought that I must not be a womanly figure in your eyes.” You crack a smile that doesn’t seem reach your eyes.
“What do you mean?” Sunghwa asks, watching you closely.
You shrug you shoulder at his question, “I don’t know. I’m just a friend to you. I guess that’s what I meant?” You answer in an unsure tone.
“You’re more than a friend to me.” Sunghwa says, a look of disbelief in his eyes as he continues to look at you.
“I know, I’m your closest friend. I know.” You say, casting your eyes down to your plate as you pick up your fork. A gesture to indicate to Sunghwa that you really don’t want to talk about this anymore.
Sunghwa in turn also casts his eyes down to his plate. He cut the fried egg with the side of his fork. The yellow yolk comes oozing out. His pushes the liquid back and forth on his plate.
Before Sunghwa could say anything else, you quickly change the topic, “So – I decided to get that studio apartment we went to see together.”
“Yeah. I saw last night – the leasing agreement.” Sunghwa replies, “When are you moving out?” Sunghwa asks, still not looking at you.
“Um.. I don’t know. Soon, I hope. Maybe in a week. The latest is two?” You reply, “Don’t forget me when I move out.” You joke.
“I can never forget you.” Sunghwa reply, his tone sounds more serious than it needs to be, “Don’t come crying to me when you miss me too much.” Sunghwa says, looking up and smirking at you.
You laugh, “Wow, look at whose full of himself.” You shake your head.
“Me? Never.” Sunghwa says cutely, shrugging his shoulder and pouting. His gestures only makes you laugh harder.
This is your relationship with Sunghwa. The both of you can never get too mad at each other. You both know when to back away and be considerate of each other. No matter what, you can never lose this relationship with him – even if deep down you want something more.
With that, everything is back to normal.
For the rest of the lazy Sunday, the two of you just spend the day joking around while cleaning the apartment and doing laundry. At the end of the day, the two of you curl up on the couch – Sunghwa finally guilt trip you into watching the new horror film with him.
Before he pulls up the movie, you disappear into you room. When you return, you look like a walking burrito with your blanket wrap around you tightly. Sunghwa laughs as he takes a picture of you to send it to everyone he know – meaning all the AOMG guys.
No shame on your part because if the ghosts come out of the movie screen, they won’t be able to attack you because obviously your blanket will protect you – duh. As the movie starts, you lay your head on Sunghwa’s lap.
Your fearfulness is somewhat entertaining to Sunghwa because he smiles whenever he feels your head shifting around on his lap. Near the end of the movie, he takes pity on you and helps you by covering your eyes – knowing that you’ll get scare at certain scenes in the film.
Once the movie is over, you refuse to sleep alone – blaming him for making you watch the horror movie. Sunghwa smiles and apologies. He teases you a little but still ends up sleeping next to you with the lights on.
Very soon, these ordinary, everyday life moments that the two of you share will be gone.
Your life is one untidy mess.
You look around, boxes everywhere. For the past 5 hours, you’ve been unpacking unstop but the bundle of boxes seem to just grow and grow. Giving up, you laying down in the middle of the living room.
“Woah, what’ this?” You hear Hyo-Seob’s voice behind you. You didn’t mind it until you hearing snickering belonging to no one other than the youngster you met weeks ago – Dean. You just know then that the two of them are up to no good.
Pulling your body upward, you turn to see Hyo-Seob holding his phone to film what’s inside the open box. You catch a glimpse of the flap reading “Hyo-Seob, do not open.”
In horror, you jump between him and the box. Hyo-Seob giggles in delight as he stops filming and quickly send the video to whoever he is talking to. Mistake number one, you told Hyo-Seob earlier to not open this box – of course being the big child that he is, he is not going to listen to you.
You shake your head in disbelief – now the whole world will see a box full with your personal delicates.
“Hyo-Seob, tell me what did you just do.” You ask, getting ready to chase him down.
“Relax, I only send it to Ki-Seok.” He says, still giggling.
“You’re so dead!” You scream, charging at him like a wild boar. Hyo-Seon laughs as he runs away.
By the time you catch him, you voice is full with venom, “You’re dead meat, Hyo-Seob.” You say, pitching his ears.
“Ow, I’m sorry!!!” Hyo-Soeb yells. You hear Dean laughing in the backaground.
When you release him, Hyo-Seob rubs his ears painfully. You give him a side-eye as you continue to unpack. Dean continues to laugh at Hyo-Seob but stop when you throw him a dirty look.
“I’m sorry!” Hyo-Seob says, dramatically falling to his knees in front of you. You roll your eyes.
“If you’re sorry, go get us food.” You say without giving him a second look. Hyo-Seob quickly agrees, disappearing out the door and leaving you and Dean together to unpack.
You hear your phone ringing in the kitchen. Getting up, you run to pick up the call – Lee Sunghwa, the caller ID identifies the person calling.
“Hey, I thought you’re filming the CM right now?” You quickly ask, finding it weird to receive a call from Sunghwa while he’s working.
“You didn’t tell me that Dean is helping you unpack.” Sunghwa says, ignoring your question.
“Well, I didn’t know. Hyo-Seob just brought him to help out – since I need all the help I can get.” You say, leaning on the kitchen counter.
“Why are they going through your undergarments?” Sunghwa asks and you suddenly feel like you’re planning 21 questions with him.
“Hyo-Seob sent the video to you? He said he only sent it to Ki-Seok.” You ask.
“He did. Ki-Seok just showed me. I told you to wait until tonight to unpack. I could drive over after I’m done with the shoot to help you.” Sunghwa says, you can tell he’s annoyed right now.
Before you can reply, you hear a staff telling Sunghwa that they’re getting ready to shoot again, “Look, I have to go but I’ll be done later tonight. I’ll call you, okay?” Sunghwa hurriedly say.
“Sure. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” You say, hanging up. You feel confuse. Why did Sunghwa even call?
“Couple’s sqat?” Dean comes out of nowhere from behind you, scaring you in the process.
“We need to be a couple for that to be a couple’s spat.” You reply, your tone sounding more bitter than what you intend it to be.
“Are you and Gray are not a couple – because you guys sure act like one.” Dean says, playing with the piece of wrapping on the kitchen counter.
“What are you talking about? We’re not a couple.” You reply, making your way out of the kitchen. Dean trails right behind you. You sit down and Dean copies your action – also sitting down, across from you.
“You love him.” Dean states, staring at you. You just look back at him – hoping your facial expression does not betray you.
“Oh my god, you love him.” Dean repeats, his eyes widen at the realization.
“Stop jumping to conclusion – I don’t love him. We’re just good friends.” You reply, busying yourself with unpacking the next box.
“Oh come on – you love him.” Dean says, not letting the topic go.
“I don’t.” You say, pulling out the picture frames with Sunghwa and you – great, perfect timing.
“Okay, let’s say you don’t. When was the last time you dated someone?” Dean asks.
“I went on a date last month!” You exclaim.
“Did you go on a second date?” Dean continue to ask.
“No but I do date.” You retort back, hoping to end this topic.
“When was the last time you had a boyfriend?” Dean asks, his eyes sparkling with amusement – as if he just finds an interesting toy to play with.
You look at Dean, “I don’t need to tell you that.” You say, returning to your unpacking.
“Do you want to date me then?” Dean asks. You suddenly look up to meet his gaze. He has got to be kidding.
“I’m six years your senior. Please think about what you just asked me. Don’t be stupid.” You reply.
“But I like older woman and you’re my type.” Dean says, leaning closer to get your attention. You continue unpacking – but you suddenly stop when Dean grabs your hands.
“You’re not in love with anyone. Why don’t we try dating for a week?” Dean asks, remaining persistent. For the first time, his eyes sparkle with hope – not flirtation and mischievous.
You don’t know if it was the lack of sleep – or the fact that you’ve officially gone crazy, but you agreed.
You agreed to go out with Dean – a guy six years your junior.
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