Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, I can go by days without a shower and feeling disgustingā¦I do what I can to make others happy, I worry about others peopleās health and making them feel happy, Iāve been doing that for a while, yet again I find myself feeling empty and realizing friendships are just momentaryā¦
But nowā¦I se myself in the mirror, I donāt recognize myself, I donāt know whatās real or whatās not, I want to believe in something but I canāt, I donāt even believe in myself.
All the progress I did, wasted on one month, another game that end up hurting me, but I wanted to feel something, I wanted to get attached and to let go of fears, so i did and again rejections threw up on my faceā¦
Now I feel too much, I have too much anger bottled up and I canāt deal with myself, finding myself having a breakdown for something I know my mind is making me feel intensely is draining. I want this to end, Iām tired of this, I donāt want to keep dealing with feelings, I want to let go of everythingā¦this isnāt even about losing people anymore, Iām used to it and truly donāt care, but Iām lost and t feels like as much as I want or try, life is just not going to make me happyā¦itās been around more than 10 years finding myself feeling miserable over nothing and everything, at this point I have no hope left, I truly give up on me, I truly gave upā¦
This is a never ending cycle, another day just on survival mode, dissociating hard while Iām doing a million take a the same time, maybe I should just leave it as it isā¦
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