I'm Ready, How Bout You?

having a headache while hydrated is so unfair. you were supposed to protect me.

Waking up from a nap and still having a headache is so unfair. You were supposed to save me.

i have for a while been using stepping on somebody's toes as a metaphor for misgendering. and i genuinely think that it's kind of a good one.

if you give a grovelling begging apology after accidentally stepping on somebody's toes one time you're going to make the whole thing awkward, but not giving a quick "sorry" before moving on is still kind of rude.

okay. breathe. listen to my voice. can you tell me five things in this room you can fuck?

okay great. now list me four things in this room you can kill.

beautiful. there you go. okay. now: tell me three things you can impose unjust taxes on.

almost done. can you list two things you could shove in a pipe and smoke?

last one: one thing you could use as a makeshift weapon?

why are you still crying

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

I want my own Gaylord. If I don’t get my very own Gaylord I’m gonna explode

“Gaylord the pup” the pup lmao this guy has a mortgage and a demoralising day job. Gaylord’s on his fifth divorce.

When you ask Gaylord how it's going, he has no answer in his vocabulary other than "it's going".

Everyone clap for non consensual body modification everybody loves a character whose body has been altered against their will

No one tells you that one day you will get older and look around and notice that 95% of ppl who own a dog should not own a dog

Opposite curse of Achilles where you can choose to do something grand and dangerous and be forgotten or live a normal unremarkable life and be remembered forever and that’s what happened to Ea-nāṣir