all in history

“There’s only so many times I can go to the gym.” Lucas honestly felt like he was running whenever he went there and that wasn’t great. Felt like people would think that he might not want to deal with this whole thing. And he didn’t but he was always going to be there for Julian. Because he loved the man more than anything. “I could do that but I’m pretty sure that our kids might have a problem with it. Which you know sounds like an incredibly good thing to me.” He pressed his lips to Julian’s again softly, “I am all yours. For the next fifty years at least.” His breath caught in his throat as he listened to the words, it was hard to think of the fact that he would have to start telling people. Would make this all the more real. “Jules… only if it’s absolutely okay with you. I know you don’t want people to know and I only want you to be comfortable and happy. You know that.”

Julian looked at Lucas with a fond smile, still not sure how he managed to get so lucky with meeting the other. It made him so desperate to hold onto their future, their life, their kids. Julian would keep fighting with all his strength. “I know you do, honey. I’m okay with people knowing. I can’t keep hiding it... I don’t leave the house as often and when I do I try so hard to act like everything is normal but I can’t do that anymore. It’s exhausting.” Julian reached a hand out to take Lucas’s hand. “And like I said, I don’t want you to harbor everything inside, I want you to be able to talk to your friends and the support you need.”

                         ‘ why do i have to work? all i want to do is sleep, eat and – sleep more ’

now that was Julian’s own language. especially as of recently. He slept as much as possible and whenever he felt like he had energy, he was able to eat everything. “let’s just all stop working and do just that. i’m more than happy to do that.”

this is what he needs, a distraction and quite frankly this is the perfect distraction. “c’mon julian, a fry sandwich. i cannot believe you have never heard of that.” james retorts in dismay, brows raised and hands up. this really is a day for the books. “no, you don’t put anything else on them. especially if they have chicken salt on them. that just ruins the sandwich.” the accountant explains passionately, obviously taking the matter very seriously even with a slight grin on his face. “the best chips are salt and vinegar, without a doubt. then sweet chili. y’know what, we need to get you a fry sandwich.” 

suddenly julian feels as if he’s missed out on something very important in his life. and he’s also terrified that maybe he’ll be in trouble if he doesn’t like this fry sandwich concoction that apparently james favors. “chicken salt? i think i’m really missing out on something here. and i hate to tell you that i’ve never had the salt and vinegar chips.” julian can’t help but smile. “i think you might have to introduce me into this world of food that i’ve been neglected from enjoying.”

“ you know, i always thought people were kidding, when they would say how dirt stains ruin clothes.“  katie is shaking her head, she hadn’t believed it until she couldn’t get the stain out of her favorite jean jacket. “ it totally sucks, how true of a statement that is.“

julian shook his head, the vision of the mess in front of him something that haunted his dreams the moment kids were introduced into his house. “oh don’t fret just yet, you’ll be able to get that out with some magic touch.” julian had spent plenty of time over the washer and dryer getting stains of all sorts out of clothes. “i’ve found that club soda and baking soda works like a charm.”

“alright, but let me know if you want me to change majors. it’s never too late.” as much as brody is sure that he wants to continue down the path he’s chosen, he’s a bit to scared to graduate. though realistically, he knows that becoming a doctor is not in his future. as julian’s words weigh on him, he finds himself struggling to hold onto his denial. of course he knows that his dad just wants the best for him, but something about the way he says it makes him feel like it’s being said in case something happens. “just bring me home was probably the best thing that will ever happen to me. i don’t think any of the foster families were bad, but none of them felt like home.” it’s not anything that hasn’t been brought up before, he’s always made it clear how grateful he was to have been adopted, but now more than ever it feels necessary to bring up. “i still remember the first time i called you dad,” he smiles, remembering how nervous he was as the word left his tongue, “i knew that i was allowed to say it, but i didn’t know how you’d react?”

julian can’t imagine what his life would have been like without his children. he’d always know he’d wanted a family since he was very young. there had been a moment in his life when he wondered if it would even happen. but he found lucas and the two of them found a future that allowed them to bring home each of their kids. those were all moments that he would cherish in his life forever. “we never wanted to push any of you to call us dad or pops... but i remember secretly hoping for so long that you would.” julian chuckled softly. “i don’t think i expected to cry? i should have known, i’m so much of a sap.” how many times had he told himself he wouldn’t be emotional and yet he always went back on that? “i’m pretty sure i’ve cried at every important moment. and i’ll tell you know, when you graduate i’m going to have to bring several boxes of tissues and i’ll be yelling ‘that’s my son’.”

free hand settles on his racing heart as he recognizes julian and he’s quickly shaking his head at his apology. “i thought you were going to some nosy random, that’s all. that’s on me.” the huntzberger patriarch replies, shoving the fries into his mouth as to mask the sound of his heart thumping in his ear with his chewing. he cannot remember the last time he’s eaten fries with ice cream but it’s had to have been years ― since the kids were, well kids probably. “jeez, you’re taking me back years julian. i haven’t done that in a while.” the man admits, gazing up at him. “what i do love is a good fry sandwich. you know what i mean? put french fries on bread and make a sandwich out of it? or even doing it with crisps.” 

Certainly not a nosy random. Maybe a concerned neighbor. A worried friend. Julian moved to sit down across from the other, slow and steady. It makes sense now why the mall seemed far more... packed than it normally would. Vultures waiting for any piece of information they could take back or quell their curiosity. “i’m sorry, a what?” julian questioned as he took one of his fries and dipped it into his chili. “i have never in my life heard of a fry sandwich... do you put anything else on there? That sounds awfully dry,” he said with a chuckle. “I’ve put chips on sandwiches before, but usually loaded with other stuff. But just fries and bread? Nope.”

it’s hard to stay strong when he feels his dad breaking down in his arms. the hug was meant to be comforting, but now he feels like he’s only made things worse. despite this, he can’t bring himself to pull away just yet. not until his dad’s ready to let go. “it’s alright? i mean, it’s tough. i’m sorry that you have to go through this.” any bitterness he feels over julian’s secrecy is temporarily put on hold as he tries his best to help him through this moment. “but we’re going to get you through this. maybe i’ll just stay in school and become a doctor. i’ll find a cure. i already have some medical training.” though he means well, they both know his capabilities and for the safety and well-being of others, it’s best that he sticks to the career route he’s chosen. 

despite the reveal of the news and the feeling inside of julian like his world is crashing in on itself, he does manage a laugh. “the thought is nice but just keep doing what you want to do. i’m sure i’m in very capable hands,” julian assured brody. at least, that’s what he hoped - he had searched for the best doctors in the area. pulling away from the hug, julian takes a deep breath and tries to bring himself back to his centered ground. he’d made a promise that he wouldn’t cry in front of his kids. that’d have to start over now. “things are going to be hard but regardless of that, we’re going to try to keep things as normal as possible. i want to give all of you the best life possible with all the love and support - the promise i made when we brought you home.” julian would be happy with his life so long as he knew his kids were happy and healthy, having been given everything they deserve.

Lucas smiled, kissing the man again before he pulled back, sitting on the side of the chair that Julian had offered to him. He wrapped an arm around Julian’s neck as he thought about the question. “I’m not planning on going back to something full time, just an ad campaign or two. A few hours in one day and then we’ll have more money that we already don’t need.” But it would give him something to do, and them some kind of cushioning for medical bills if they were needed. “I was, I do. But yeah the kids are older now, they can survive without me being home all the time to annoy them.”

“I think we’ll be fine in the money department, but I’m glad you’re doing something. Even if it’s just to keep you a little busy.” Julian ran his hands over the dog’s fur as he leaned his head against Lucas’ shoulder. “You really should just become a model. You’ve got the looks for it and I can rub it in everyone’s face that you’re all mine.” Not that he hadn’t done that at one point when they were younger and Julian couldn’t help himself. There’d always been a bit of a jealous streak in him. “I also wanted to talk to you about something,” Julian sat up straight again, turning just enough to look at Lucas. “You can tell Arthur. Or Sam. Or both of them. I don’t want you to have to keep this all to yourself and I know there are times you might not want to talk to me about everything. Especially the bad parts. I know we try to talk to each other about everything, but sometimes it’s hard. I don’t want you to have to keep everything bottled up inside. You always want to be so strong for me.”

Now that the kids knew about everything going on Lucas had stopped hovering as much. Not to say he didn’t hover, he definitely did as much as he could but now it wasn’t at a point that he looked ridiculous or overprotective. He had been out that morning, being put up for some kind of audition to be a spokesperson and it had been something that he’d eventually gotten. Not that it had been hard for him there, being Lucas Meyer-Coulson had come in handy there, they had wanted him for his face. Still he was happy to come home, shrugging off his jacket as soon as he walked in the door. The heating in the house was set perfectly for Julian, that much he tried to make sure of. He grinned when he heard the voice, quick to enter the room. He leaned over, hands on either side of the chair as he leaned in for a light kiss. “Well I’m home now, you’re welcome.”

Julian’s all smile when Lucas is in front of him, happily leaning up to meet Lucas for a kiss. There’d never come a day when he didn’t turn into a melted puddle just being near his husband. How’d he end up getting so sappy? Once upon a time he would have never considered himself such. Sensitive, probably. Sappy? Maybe not. “Have you decided about working again?” Julian asked curiously when he leaned back against the chair, an arm reached out to pat the arm of the chair beside him. “I thought you were loving the stay-at-home dad routine.” The sound of pattering claws caught his attention, Julian looking over to see Clark coming bounding into the room. Patting his lap for the dog to jump up, Julian settled the dog onto his lap, petting his soft fur. “Or not as much fun since our kids are all grown up now?”

      “no yeah! definitely. love going to the doc’s,” dorothy tried for playful sarcasm, hoping it might ease her dad about the idea. she didn’t want to be the cause of more stress for him, not anymore. “they give out free candy when you’re all done. it’s like a total sham, because y’know…it’s the doctor’s… but who doesn’t want a free lollipop?” the blonde recognized she was rambling and stopped herself, slipping into her coat while julian went to find lucas. she moved to the car instead, waiting beside the passenger door and silently preparing herself for the ride. 

A part of Julian is curious about his daughter’s interest in taking him to his appointment. Likely in a normal situation he wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but recent times had proven that something between the two of them had been rocky. Julian had a few days where he’d sat in the quiet of the night, trying to figure out what could have been wrong. Had she figured it out before everyone else? No... Julian had been careful. So careful up until Lucas found out. Shaking his head, he went back on task to telling Lucas the two of them would be leaving before he went outside, donning his thick winter coat and his cat to cover his head. “by the way, they have a jar of lollipops but they also have a jar of caramels. i snag a few before i leave every time,” julian said when he’d gotten outside. unlocking the car, julian moved to the drivers side and pulled himself into the car that was thankfully already heated. a cold car was not a friendly car. “you’ve got control of the radio, kiddo. but i might still break out in showtunes. i can’t make any promises.”

as julian opens about about his illness, he finds himself becoming more sympathetic towards his secrecy. it doesn’t change the fact that he’s been hurt, or that he’s been angered, but he understands a little more now. with his dad’s hand resting on his shoulder, he pulls the older man into a hug, “hey, don’t cry?” his optimism goes into overdrive the moment his dad starts to get choked up, “you’re going to be okay? we’ll be okay. i mean, there’s so many treatments out there. they’re discovering new shit every day.” it’s the words that follow that showcase his inability to accept the situation for what is, “don’t sweat it.” rather than delving into the gravity of julian’s confession, he’d rather blindly hype him up. “cancer is stupid. we’ll get through this.”

it’s the hug that breaks him. it wasn’t the intent and julian’s comforted by the hug, but it still breaks something inside of him as he wraps his arms around his son. julian holds him close, silently letting all the tears flow freely. would he be okay? would they be okay? it was only the beginning and the bad days were already impossibly hard. he kept trying to tell himself that it would be worth it. julian can’t help himself and finds himself chuckling softly. “it is stupid... but we’ll get through it.” he pulls away from brody and straightens up, wiping away the tears as much as he could. “i’m sorry. i thought i could be stronger and not cry in front of you. i didn’t want to make it worse.” after this, he’s going to just fall into lucas’s arms and refuse to move.

      “can i go with you to your appointment today?” the two hadn’t talked much since the news; it was dorothy’s fault. she had avoided julian consistently, narrowing escaping conversation each time it seemed like her dad might start one. given the fact that the blonde had treated him so bitterly and angrily before had weighed heavily on her shoulders, and the daughter now felt it necessary to explain why. she hoped the trip to the doctor’s would provide that short window opportunity. “i can drive you? i don’t mind… please.” 

@antiquxjul​

the question takes julian by surprise, looking up from where he’s sat on the mudroom bench putting on his shoes. it’s been obvious that things between himself and dorothy have been tense. even before julian told everyone the news of his cancer. julian hadn’t been sure where it came from, but he did his best to try to respect her space and hope she came to him eventually. “of course you can come with me,” julian finally said with a smile to his daughter. standing up, he grabbed his coat along with her own and held it out. “i just need to go let your pop know, you sure you want to come?”

brody doesn’t want to wait to see if the chemo will work. he wants the cancer to go away right now. and if the transplant doesn’t work either? brody can’t even bring himself to consider a reality in which that happens. “yeah, i get that,” he reassures his dad, though he’s still angry, “but this isn’t something that you should have felt like you needed to keep from us?” the one thing he fears the most is that julian’s cancer might be worse than he’s letting on. a thought that brody struggles to shake because his father’s been so secretive about his failing health until now.  “i would have been there for you from the beginning. i mean, you guys have always been there for me.” though he hasn’t always taken advantage of their support. there’s still a few things he’s kept to himself, but they’re not comparable to cancer so he doesn’t believe himself to be a hypocrite. 

“i know, i know all of you would have been there are my side from the very beginning.” it’s the one thing that he’s always been able to count on with  his family. “we’ve all been so happy and doing so well, i didn’t want to ruin everything and it took longer than i even realized it would for me to accept the truth of it all.” julian reaches over to place his hand on his son’s shoulder. “i’m sorry, i made a mistake in not telling everyone when it happened. i don’t have any good excuses other than having been terrified. how could i--” julian stops, getting choked up. “the thought of having to tell my kids...not being able to reassure all of you that everything will be okay? it was hard. it is hard.”

as cliche as it does sound, a genuine smile still tugs at ava’s lips. she gives him a nod of understanding and also a shrug. “i like it ― a little cliche but that’s meant to be the real spirit of christmas, right?” the blonde offers, shoulders still tense in the shrug before releasing and rubbing at the end of her cold nose. bring back summer, she thinks. as much as she doesn’t mind the cold, ava is a summer girl through and through. give her the sun, sand and surf and she’s in her element. “well, you never know. i swear you and lucas know each other like the back of your own hand so, new pots may be heading your way.” 

it’s easy for julian to laugh at the words, but he knows they’re true. there isn’t anyone julian knows better in the world than lucas. not even his own self. in that regard, lucas always seemed two steps ahead. “well lucas and myself weren’t always like that believe it or not but I think i’ve managed to drop enough hints that i want a new set for him to pick up on it.” he loves being in the kitchen, creating new desserts or new dinner ideas. it’s where he gets to spend the most time with his familly. “i’ve been wanting to do a dinner party, that’d give me the perfect excuse.”

𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽  𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁     /     @ashcroftstarters​

coming to the conclusion that hiding away at home is not going to make everything normal again took a lot out of james ; in fact, he still doesn’t believe that everything will be ‘normal’. he needs to get out and try to make a new normal with people knowing what he is, who he is and what their family is. sitting in the food court in the pavilion, james is on alert. it feels like people are looking at him, but whether they actually are is unsure. he’s paranoid, worried that someone is going to question him face to face though there’s a part of him that doubts it. it’s a small town, people do that behind your back, don’t they? as he goes eat some of his french fries, he can feel a presence and goes to snap as he looks towards them before refraining. “you scared the fucking shit out me. sorry.”

julian certainly hadn’t had the intention of scaring james, but it seemed like he’d managed to do that regardless. the trip to the mall was a rare one for him these days--any trip outside of the house a rare one. but he’d had an appointment for just a check up and felt decent for the day that it called for ice cream. and buying of gifts but that came more out of impulse than anything else. “i’m sorry, i didn’t know you were going to be so jumpy,” julian chuckles as he slides around to stand in front of james rather than behind him. “you know, dipping fries into ice cream is the best thing you could ever do.” it was his attempt to try to keep things light and normal. julian isn’t going to be stupid enough to ask how james is doing considering everything.