I Was 14 And This Was Deep

but also, she treats people the way her parents treated her. that's why it's just so hard for me to have empathy.

We don’t talk about the whole Evie being locked away in the castle across the way for ten years nearly as much as we should

Like. Imagine the repercussions of that. She was Double banished, and she didn’t even do anything

She went ten years with her only human interactions being with EQ who was self absorbed and obsessed with beauty and nobility, and as Evie mentioned in the books, would walk around the castle talking to herself as if she was talking to the magic mirror, insulting Evie while doing so

In the book she’d rather go back to school where the person who literally just tried to murder her goes than stay there

She said that it felt more like a cave than a castle

People always talk about how horrible it must feel knowing you’re being punished for something you didn’t do, something your parents did. All you did was be born. DUDE EVIE HAD IT HAPPEN TWICE

EQ was literally verbally abusive

The closest thing she had to a friend was a rag doll she made which wound up getting eaten by a vulture

She was taught that the only things in life that matters is being beautiful, to be royalty, and To Marry a prince. and the first thing she’s told when she got to Auradon was that she wasn’t a princess

Her life was used as a cautionary tale on the isle. Proof that you shouldn’t mess with Maleficent and Mal

Her biggest fear when she ate the poison apple was being abandoned

DONT GET ME STARTED. 

ok, ok, i wont go off like i would like, i’ll just say them all as simply as possible.

there should not be a descendants 4 and it’s honestly rude as hell for yall to keep asking them to make one for two reasons : they already stated it was over after 3. and one of the cast members freakin died. that should be enough for yall to get it. like i can tell sofia is sick of people asking her about it cause she always shuts it down.

it shouldn’t have been a musical. after the 1st movie they put more effort into the damn songs and musical numbers than the plot.

wicked world should’ve had hand-drawn animation. that cgi animation was an eye sore. 

I THINK EVERYONE IN THIS FANDOM NEEDS TO READ THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BOOKS. it will change your perspective of everything. like if your not gonna read the books at least read that one, its the most important imo (also rise of the isle of the lost is good too if you want sea 3 content)

ben should have been with evie. i’m not arguing with any of yall on this.

some of these outfits were extremely ugly for no reason. like yes i get it it’s suppose to be over the top, but can you at least have them in clothing that matches!?

the second movie is the still the worst out of all of them.

i wouldn’t have mind janelos, IF IT WERE DONE RIGHT. like if yall were gonna put them together they should’ve had them interacting in the 1st movie. them dancing at the end don’t count cause everyone was dancing with each other.

the wigs make me so angry. 

it’s full of misogynoir but that’s all i’ll say cause i made a whole video on it.

dizzy was pointless. 

the fandom is hella racist.

i have way more but the list getting long. 

....What doesn't really?

As much as I found problems with Rise Of The Isle Of The Lost, it at least had the sea three in it and thankfully, they were a large part of the book, so you could just enjoy them at least. But Escape??? I don't even know how this connects to the prior three books, let alone the films. The only things the book can say its connected to in the films is setting up VK Day and introducing Celia as a character.

But outside of those two things??? Its actually one of the worst books I've read and I was so thankful to be done with it when I was. Like, let's get the obvious one out of the way: the Mal worship is so strong in this book, it may actually outdo the films Mal worship. I don't know how but it did. The whole kingdom suddenly wants to meet Mal and celebrate her as their future queen to the point Corona will just, light up lanterns in her honor and China will make some dragon thing in her honor and I just...the Mal worship is strangling everyone I swear, and even on the Isle, Mal expects for everyone to listen to her only to get a dose of reality that's called not everyone cares for her existence, and near the end of the book, Doug comes up with the poster idea and....yeah, no joke, all Evie can name is making the posters make Mal to be some hero and suggest to everyone they too can be like Mal. And hey, since we on her: Mal's writing in this book is just literally stealing traits from Ben, Uma, Evie and Carlos and no one can make me change my mind. Like, this book actually goes out of its way to have Ben, the guy who fought to get the VK program started, now want to restrict the amount of kids they bring over while Mal is the one naming big numbers until they settle on four....just so Mal can be the hero who looks good here, especially when they act like Mal's in charge of the VK program and not you know, EVIE AND BEN. I just, you got a fucking terrible character if you have to make other characters now suddenly look bad just so the character can look better in comparison, just saying.

And then you cut to how they did Mal and Uma in comparison where the book now makes Uma into this bitchy person who seeks to basically kill Mal at this rate who isn't even interested in going to reunite with Harry, Gil and their crew but instead, works with Hades (we'll get to him) until the end where plan fails and Uma's locked out of the Isle and plots to get revenge on Mal and I just...we know that didn't happen in D3 but like, this book really didn't like Uma, especially when giving Uma's care about the Isle kids to Mal to make her look better in comparison. I know I addressed Ben's bad writing already but I cannot stress how shit it is they took such a hopeful character who was the one to see the wtfness of leaving kids on the Isle....and make him just want to restrict the amount of kids coming over, just so Mal can look good. And then we go to what I call....the privilaged four. Aka this is a problem in writing with Mal, Evie, Carlos and Jay as...they return to the Isle to try and recruit kids and for some reason, act surprised kids are scared to apply. GEEZ, almost like they stuck on an isle full of villains who abuse their kids and make it clear if their kids leave, they are traitors. But the four don't realize this and even....and I'm not joking here: say Celia has to basically prove her merit/earn the right to leave the Isle of Abuse, as the four don't intend to keep their end of the deal with Facilier. Like, love how Evie says to Facilier a pro for Facilier is knowing the kids are being cared for and its just, yeah, except his child who you four are bitchy to and speaking of four, ONLY FOUR KIDS WILL BE TAKEN OFF (we'll get to this I swear). And then just to continue the four being incapable of being self-aware, they actually act surprised their old hang out got trashed by the pirates and then proceed to eat nice and cooked food from Auradon on an Isle where everyone else below them has to hope their food isn't going to make them sick later. And instead of maybe offering Celia some of this food when she sees it cause lord knows they brought way too much for a couple of days, they just give her a doughnut. Like...wow, how nice...a fucking doughnut while they got a meal in front of them.

And lets continue this with now...the way the kids are to be taken off the Isle. We are finally here and I might be related to Ares at this point with my anger, cause WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT. Lets be real: Ben started with four kids cause it was a test run of the VK program. And not just a random test run, it was four kids of four of the worst villains. If they could turn good, then its clear the program will work. But....instead of changing the number...we still with four kids, just...wonderful. No change, but surely the process will be more fairer- oh wait, it's not. No, instead, the privliaged four who left the Isle with a plan to steal the wand, now expect all the villain kids to be perfect little villain kids for Auradon, acting surprised they not interested in Auradon at all and the only one who has applied is Dizzy. You know, the girl who was INVITED back at the end of D2. How nice of them to have left her waiting on the Isle this whole time only to tell her she has to apply, but she's still guaranteed a spot over everyone else basically. Already off to a GREAT start with a fixed spot already. And the other VK they COULD get to come to Auradon, Celia, they just bitches to. Basically saying she has to earn her merit/the right to leave the Isle and when she tries to warn them about Uma, they don't listen and its just...yeah I see why Celia was more Uma's side in D3. And speaking of that merit thing: yeah uh, what the fuck is that??? You have to EARN the right to leave the Isle of Abuse basically....via proving your merit??? What??? THESE ARE CHILDREN. Ben took the core four off at the start of D1 because look, they would not willingly leave on their own if you asked them if they wanted to apply. But now they messing up the process via putting ALLLL responsibility onto the kids to apply to leave and therefore, if they don't apply, well, sorry kids, you don't get to come to Auradon. And even if you apply, you still have to prove your merit, aka Auradon gets to pick which kids are more appealing I guess. Seems a little shitty to do that, really. But the privilaged four see nothing wrong with this and preach it, telling kids they have to be appealing VKs for Auradon to pick and its their job to apply or enjoy being stuck on the Isle. If you wanted a more good example of the core four being out of touch with their Isle roots, Escape is the biggest one.

And when graduating....Carlos for some reason, thinks it'll be great to air the graduation to the Isle. Yeah, Carlos, great idea to show off your privilage that only FOUR kids will get to enjoy. Great idea! Oh and yeah, they graduated. Meaning they 18...meaning Ben and Mal married right out of high school. Great message for the kids, Disney.

And now...we come to my favorite bitch to rant about: Hades. Just, we know my opinion on him in the films: going for the worlds record for shit father. But what about book???? He's honestly still the same here. Seems perfectly fine partaking in Uma's plan against Mal at first but when....for some reason, a memory erasing spell happens (we'll get to that), Hades seals Uma out and I think its the book being like Hades is better then Mal and I just...that is such bullshit writing. Oh and for some reason, the book decided to include Under The Sea song moment, hinting at Marry and shit. Marry is not canon, stop trying that books, and don't bring this shit-show music thing into this shit show of a book. And yeah uh, for some reason a memory spell ensures no one remembers ANYTHING by the end....its such bullshit, but can they spread that spell to me so I can forget I read this book???

And like, they really don't give Evie, Jay and Carlos much to do here. Jay is debating on colleges, including one in Agrabah that...for some reason, has genie's to give to students, I...that feels wrong with Aladdin's ending. Fairy Godmother has a sister (don't question it) who runs a college and I think Robin Hood's place has a college. Lonnie at least appears in this book, admitting she's debating on taking a gap year before college to do ROAR stuff, so guess we know where she was during D3. Evie does her fashion stuff where we meet Ariana, Audrey's cousin...again, don't question it at this rate with these books, it kills your brain cells less and Carlos...does stuff with Jane, that's it. And if I had editing skills, I would edit Infinity War's snap moment but its all the characters we lost by this point, with Hadie now added to it cause he's not mentioned at all and doesn't appear. Aka more evidence these books being canon is just questionable. Oh and this book acknowledged Celia can do shadow magic as she uses her shadow to seal up the cracks at the end and is shadowless afterwards....that's the only cool detail I could think off with the book.

And finally...we bring this rant to a close. In summary: this book is garbage and should have never been allowed to escape the Isle of the Lost, and I curse my inability to just let some books go unread after reading it, as by the end, the book just made me feel like this:

the secrets of auradon prep

mal’s spell book

mal’s spell book II

evie’s fashion book

uma’s wicked book

audrey’s diary

The only reason I can see this happening is cause of what Hades said but honestly, if they wanted to have a villain say that….they chose the wrong character. Hades earned his imprisonment when he tried to kill Hercules as a baby, tried to kill him more times if you count the TV show, and basically freed the titans, potentially causing more deaths. And that’s ignoring that in this film, he also attacked Mal with the ember. Like, he was not the right character to do that bullshit line. 

The whole plot of the third movie revolves around having to close the barrier because of the villains and the danger they represent. The point is valid- being from the isle doesn't necessarily make you a bad person just like being from Auradon doesn't make you a saint.