It’s not the actual goodbye that hurts.

“I wonder when exactly it happened. When the cracks in the foundation turned into something we could no longer bridge with words or actions. When we started doing the bare minimum for each other and felt like it was enough. It was kind of validating, wasn’t it? Liberating, in a way. The occasional checking in, the questions that were asked without any real intentions behind them. The guilt that was lifted off our shoulders every time we decided to swallow our pride. How are you? Fine. What have you been up to? Not much, you? How’s work? Okay. We didn’t ask because we cared, not for the past months. We were following routines, a play, a dance we knew every step to. Both of us ignoring the truth we’d understood a while ago: we’re not what we used to be and we will never be that to each other again. And at some point, we just stopped asking altogether. The more I think about it, the more I figure out that the breaking was no fixed point in time, but a process. There was no argument. No falling out - only the slow and painful realisation that I‘d been wrapping my fingers around something that was long gone. A shadow. A memory. A ghost. I know what I would answer if you reached out to me again. How are you? Kind of sad. What have you been up to? Missing you and everything we used to be - what can we do to find our way back to each other? But you don’t ask. And I don’t ask, either.”