make yourself at home

this cannot continue *continues*

what if I decide to let the joy slowly creep into my life the same way dread does…… what then

ok. enough suffering now. i am seeking out delight

why is life sooooooo beautiful and profound and sad and completely empty

I think every neurodivergent adult who was previously labeled as a gifted child due to their overcompensating behaviors deserves to have as much time now to indulge in satisfying their inner child as they want and need. Mistreatment and mislabeling stole their childhood, they deserve to have a second one when they want it.

maybe life is all about waking up every day and trying to learn how to appreciate the beauty of the world without allowing the ugliness of everything that has happened to me in the past to interfere with it

Huge fan of human connection, and love, and loss, and laying in the dark at night with the fan on thinking about things other people taught me and crying grateful happy tears

turns out that being compassionate towards myself during moments of uncertainty and stress is the best thing i can do for myself

i’ve seen how detrimental basing your entire identity around a person can be. the moment you identify yourself as someone’s girlfriend, mother, whatever, you are truly shooting yourself in the foot. nothing screams codependency more than getting joy through the existence of somebody else. especially w how volatile humans are. it’s the very definition of not having security in yourself

i’d say the best thing i have learned this year is to just let people be who they naturally are. no psychoanalyzing them, no overthinking my actions, no asking what i could possibly do to keep their presence in my life. i just bring my best self to the table and always move from a place of love and respect. how that person responds is ultimately up to them. if that causes them to exit my life, i just let it happen. i will never be in the business of changing people. people are only ever ready to change when they’ve made the conscious decision to. all i can do is check myself and be kind always.

Accepting that all you can do is work on yourself and you will never ever be able to change other people is simultaneously the most freeing/scary thing in the world. Also you will think you’ve accepted this and then realize you haven’t when you lose someone over and over again until you actually do. Btw

i will forever be the hurting child, the angry teenager and the lonely adult.