Untitled

We didn't put the heating on in the winter months. Too expensive. Instead my boyfriend liked to put on his long john's to keep snug. For me he had a little talent. His farts could raise the temperature of the room by several degrees. On particularly cold nights he would unbutton the back, I'd bend in close and he'd give me a warming blast direct from the source.

With a dad that looks like that ripping farts so blatantly in front of you, was it any wonder you'd developed a fart fetish. Now say "Thank You, Daddy" and sniff it up.

I've been paying my old school bully for years to keep subjecting me to his torment. It's embarrassing. It's shameful. I can't afford it. But at least once a month I hire out a hotel room and pay him to sit and fart on my face. I don't know what he did to my brain all those years ago, but I need it. I worry one day he'll say no, or jack up the price too high. Until then I'll continue to let his ass blasts melt my brain.