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*petting my cat* please cure my depression cat: *prrbhbphr* me: thanks

that philosophy sure as hell went up and died out the window

wtf is a credit score i wanna die

we do a lot of stuff we don’t realise like breaking someone’s heart and never suspecting they had a crush on us, or having your hand on your boob for 3 hours straight

whenever a site tells me i need to be 18 or older to enter i always go all like “lol yeah sure i’m 18 right yeah” and it takes me a second before i realize oh wait i actually am over 18

i love watching the olympics. i know nothing about these sports but by hour 4 i’m like, “poor dismount. look at those knees. not enough elevation or rotation on that last move. clear 3/10 points deduction. tsk.”

wow you really cannot be kind to men or they swear you’re in love with them…like ok

guys really do not appreciate girls who love them at all…when beyonce said what a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you she was talking about all men

im glad fergie is consistently spelling out words like delicious, glamorous and independent for me. queen of spelling. queen of the english language. queen of syntax.