I won't allow myself to feel happiness.
I've realised that the reason why nothing is making me happy is because I subconsciously refuse to feel it.
Every time I've let myself feel happiness it turned out to be based on lies and bullshit, the reasons for my happiness were made up, so why feel it again, only to be destroyed by realisation of it all being fake.
Isn't misery and sadness that is completely true better than happiness based on lies and betrayal.















