AnneSo Et La Musique

I am back from deleting all my youtube-video playlists about conducting, choir warm-ups and rehearsal technique. 

A couple of months ago I was planning on writing the closing entry of this blog. Conducting seems very far. Conducting at a level I feel appropriate feels so far it is no realizable in this life with my background. Then there is my dayjob. My limited energy reserve. The pandemic.

And yet - since a few days, a couple of weeks, I have thoughts swirling, unformed ideas - I am not finished with music just yet. I am not sure I will be a conductor. But I do have some sort of strange desire and ideas on how I could be part of the professional music/artist life. It is very much not formed ideas. And they all hinge on in part collaboration with somebody I have not talked about all of this yet. But - I might not be done with music after all. I have restarted writing some music (and realizing I am never a composer). I have relooked at my conducting stuff, old videos, old books. And started twirling ideas around. 

Recently, I have been kind of drawn back to conducting again. In myself. Yesterday learned about projects other “peers” are doing and heard the encouragement of others. Encouragement I do not get. 

Also got rejected by one of the people there on another level and I feel really lonely, musically and else. 

I am following the Paris “La Maestra” competition and I am surprised at how emotional and very grateful I am to see so.many.women conducting! It is such a joy and frankly, it is empowering to see so many of them, to see them so confident. The sheer number of women makes it so that they are not THE WOMAN in the competition, but we see them for the person they are. and theyare glorious and wrong and passionate and diverse and hard to read and confident and they are my empowerment.

It is an easy read. Sparks concentrates mostly on what I call “big ideas” or inner attitude of the conductor. Which is good. However, with the title of “toolbox”, I would have liked to have also more concrete input, i.e., tools for small, “everyday” challenges.

Documentary on Alondra de la Parra’s journey.

Hello friend. 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted one of these. Prepare for a long read. I hope I did not forget anything. Prepare for edits and ask if stuff is missing. 

Previously see x.

1 - Instruments

a) Piano

In the process of changing piano teachers, because of the aforementioned imcompatibility teaching-wise (I am still a beginner, I simply lack the technique required to be productive with the current teacher as I have confirmed even more in the past 2 years, 3 years with her in total. Plus the language barrier is huge). Trial lessons with a new teacher done, have talked abt my requirements (even mentioned conducting), so far all seems ok and we are both excited and language barrier way smaller since we both are fluent in each others mother tongue.

Still not advanced enough to serve any purpose in choir rehearsal or conducting practice.

b) Vocals

Took another 3 voice lessons. Good relations with the teacher. Also sung a solo part in a choir concert and liked it very, very, VERY much.

3 - Choirs

Currently still singing in 2 choirs. 

At some point also helped in another choir as an extra. In the process of giving up one choir, doing the last rehearsal cycle now. (reasons are multiple and interrelated, basically new conductor, section sizes are very, very much varying, more time required by job, plus other choir continuously schedules more concerts and concerts interfering with this choir)

4- Composition

Got nothing done. 

started on some kind of quintet in summer 2017 while travelling/jetlag but stopped due to lack of piano available atm. roughly 10 bars maybe? does that even count? have not touched anything since.

5 - Research

continuously reading books in musicology from the library. Not a lot but consistently. Going ok. Purely following interest, no logic in my curriculum.

6 - Conducting

a) Education

Currently working with the Phillips book (university class text book) in a autodidactic way. Basically it’s me conducting in front of a camera or mirror. Definitely learning a lot. Still feel it would be even  better if I had experienced person giving me feed back _and_ if I was conducting somebody who produces sound (in contrast to my bedroom wall)

Challenge: Working continuously on the course at night at home (still working my normal engineering dayjob which has increased in workload)

b) Practice

Slacked in the preparation of choir music. 

Often tried to do one or two songs in detail, got frustrated for not understanding all and ... yeah

Intermediate plans: Start with studying the new program intensly of one choir (We are going to play with the orchestra that kicked me out, so that is going to be quite the challenge on the mental level. But I really truly want to be ready if the stars align and they would need a conductor in addition to the choir responsible and the orchestra responsible ones ;) )

c) Interning

well. I would not call it interning. BUT, this happened. So, WOHOO.

It was short-lived, however. I have reached out to the conductor, they gave me tipps on how to improve (no feed back on the actual thing but more like what they would recommend I should do). Unfortunately, the conductor had to leave due to some very sad and very unfortunate circumstances.

So back to square one.

7 - Theory

Not much has happened. Need level-appropriate resources.

Tried a few youtube channels, have not found the one with the right ratio of solid information and funny bits yet.

8 - own project

By now have done a total of 3 small projects in this town on my own. They went ok. 

Am behind on planning the 4th one. By now I have well defined what I want this small series to be, but currently I have not found the next appropriate piece yet. Am pretty behind, since it should be happening in spring this year because of other job logistics. For now people are still motivated to engage in these small projects.

Common negative aspect of these projects is that I am always making music myself, too and that I am mostly the least accomplished musician. This will not change in the foreseeable future. (Musicwise, it is more of a chamber music situation, so a pretty egalitarian input from everybody. I will take the lead most of the times. However, I still list it since I do the whole project management). 

I have learned that I absolutely need to set the “concert”. I would like to address more people, currently it is more a pretty private thing. which is also fine from an artistic point of view. 

Bref, I really should start planning for project No 4.

Currently do not have the energetic capacity to think about something outside my small little series.

9 - Networking and coming out

a) networking

Slowly growing. Because of my involvement with the choirs I get to know people, even a few professionals in the local classical music business. Still not the biggest network.

b) coming out

have talked to more friends and choir members about this conducting dream. Most of them are supportive on an abstract level since they have not seen my conduct. 

And then of course talked to my conductor in the aftermath of the famours warm-up. First coming out to a professional conductor: done. As metioned above, they had to leave and unfortunately we do not have any personal connection. Even when saying good bye to them I was so stressed to do the right thing I could not ask to keep in contact (but at least managed to thank them in specific terms for what I have learned from them). Not sure over all about this. 

Next steps (short term): 

-get project no 4 in line

-get in contact with a vocal coach to work on the stuff suggested by the conductor

-study the new program in detail (focus on the choir pieces)

-have a warm-up sheet ready (hell yes)

-finish the conducting text book