Stephanie Lange is a youtuber I genuinely like watching because of the videos she makes about ridiculous beauty standards and how they've influenced women for decades to try to live up to impossible ideals. She doesn't just talk for the sake of talking, she makes genuinely thoughtful analyses. I've considered myself a pretty self-aware person for years, yet I've still caught myself falling into those standards.
In the video above, she talks about something I'd been thinking about for a long time but couldn't quite put into words.
When I watched Olivia's response on that podcast, I understood what she meant, but I couldn't completely agree with her. Because I think the issue goes much deeper than simply trying to reclaim or redefine wearing childlike clothing. Her response felt superficial to me. It felt too simple. She basically said, "If you're sexualizing me, that's your problem, not mine."
But at the same time, the real controversy is that the people criticizing her can clearly see what kind of audience is going to enjoy watching an adult woman dress in an infantilized way. That audience being: pedophiles.
In the video above, Stephanie explains where Lolita style came from, how it became popular, and why she believes it can be harmful. She explains why, in today's context, these kinds of aesthetics can contribute to normalizing pedophilic fantasies. And I agree with her.
It's that tiktok audio: "then I realize what it's... there's a man."
Because so much of what we, as women, are told is empowering often ends up being just another way to keep patriarchy, misogyny, and even pedophilic ideals alive and profitable. As long as we live in a patriarchal society, I don't think it's empowering for women to dress in hypersexualized ways or to self-sexualize. I mean, women can do that of course but it's stupid to deceive themselves. At the end of the day, men are still going to get off to those pictures. They're still going to reduce those women to sexual objects.
And I don't think we can simply redefine dressing in a cute or childish way by saying, "I'm doing this because I think it's cute." Because somewhere, some disgusting man is looking at an adult woman dressed like a little girl - holding a fucking teddy bear! - and thinking about children.
That's the uncomfortable part.
Over the past few years, OnlyFans has increasingly been framed as a form of female empowerment. Girls turn eighteen and immediately enter that world. They're fascinated by the easy money, by how quickly they can make a living. And on the surface, it looks empowering. But anyone with a tiny bit of common sense can see what's fucking happening.
Young women are being conditioned to believe they're in control when, in reality, they're simply feeding the pornography ew industry. It's become much easier for that industry to recruit women because the stigma isn't what it used to be anymore. There is no more "shame". Not when artists like Sabrina Carpenter constantly sing about sex or pose in overtly sexual or submissive ways on magazine and albums covers. Not when almost every female pop star seems to be wearing less and less on stage. There are no more Disney or Nickelodeon divas for young girls to look up to, only hyper-sexualized singers. And the pornography culture loves that.
And the younger these women are, the better.
The more they look like girls, the better.
The more infantilized they are, the better.
For years and especially in recent years, I feel like the normalization of pedophilic aesthetics has only become stronger. After everything surrounding the Epstein files became public, I honestly thought things would get better. Instead, I feel like they've only gotten worse.
Do you see what I mean? It feels like we never actually fuckin win.
There's always a man who ultimately benefits from the "empowerment" we're told we're experiencing. That's what patriarchy does. The root of the problem has always been the way men are taught to see women.
At the same time, this way of thinking can easily cross into purity culture, and Stephanie actually talks about that during the video. It's a difficult conversation, but I think it's an important one.
And I also feel like, when you're a fan of an artist, people think you're not allowed to criticize them. You can absolutely be an Olivia fan and still think her response on that podcast sounded like it came straight from a PR team. This isn't the kind of conversation you can brush aside with a simple answer. She even says she cares about young girls being free to express themselves, and I believe she means that. I just don't think she fully understands the core of the criticism.
Women should be able to dress however they want without being sexualized. Women should be able to exist without being sexualized.
But the problem runs much deeper than that.
A much bigger deconstruction needs to happen, and it doesn't start with women. We can try to redefine these things as much as we want but if in the end, they still benefit patriarchy and sexism, then we're only fooling ourselves.
Anyway, I mostly just wanted to recommend this video. Yesterday I saw someone here on tumblr call it "the most anti-feminist video" they'd ever watched. They claimed Stephanie was blaming women for the way predators perceive women who dress in childlike ways. And it honestly made me think they either didn't watch the video or only read the title. Because no that isn't what Stephanie is saying.
She brings up really compelling points about why Lolita aesthetics deserve criticism and why she believes they contribute to normalizing pedophilic ideals.
It's not a hate video about your favorite artist.
It's an explanation of why she was being criticized.
Anyway, Stephanie explains it much better than I, you should definitely watch this video.
