xgirl

Remember the time when I said that he makes me smile just by having a thought of him? It was true. Until this time.

I'm hurt. Really hurt. But to whose fault was my hurt coming from? Mine or his? I used to blame myself for losing him. I thought that maybe I have set my walls way too high for him to climb. Maybe, I was too busy thinking not to lose myself in those feelings because I know what it will cause. I have been so wary around him and very much careful that I have not seen how hard it was for him to also, show his feelings. Hence, I used to blame myself.

But it occurred to me now that all that I ever wanted, was someone to pursue me. Someone who will not give up just because I am a difficult person. Someone who will be brave enough to stay and calm the storms inside my head.

I lost him because he lost me first. And it hurts me that he went away without me being able to say "I am slowly healing because you came."

#change

#soul

#young

2:24 a.m thoughts. 

You don’t even have a bloody clue that I like  you. But that’s okay. It’s actually part of the Win-Win game plan I have in my mind. It wouldn’t be fair for me if you’ll know because you know, we’re friends and I’m definitely stuck on this friend zone thing.You’ll never talk to me again if you found out!

Damn it. How can you be so likable? How can you be so good-looking? You’re like the sun; Hell of a beautiful stuff but damaging at the end. You’re whole being is just fascinating. I can’t help but just like you. Every. Single. Moment. Every day. Every minute. Every second and millisecond! And that’s the problem; I can never, ever, unlike you.

I hate to see you go, but I have to  watch you taking  steps away from me. As much as I want to keep  you, I just can’t. You’ll choke and suffocate, eventually.  

I’m still groping  for the right words to say to you. But there’s no sugar-coating this painful goodbye I am but to tell you.

You weren’t even mine and yet, and yet, I am losing you. 

The last good thing that I can come up with? Maybe it’s time that I start finding myself and put back the lost pieces that were tucked with you for like, ever since.

Yours,