victuuri催婚大队

(Reprinted with permission)

TRASH GARBAGE but also MY FAVORITE TYPE OF TRASH GARBAGE so when Pru (our favorite cdrama disease vector) started watching it and liveblogging on twitter we all ended up following along because she said it was trash garbage and she was gonna write porn about it.

So I’m gonna give you several warnings first and then you can decide if you just want to block the tag or watch me spiral in agony or actually watch it or whatever.

1. The writing and pacing is terrible. The special effects are uhhhhhhhhhhhh well I guess they sort of tried. The lead characters do all the work and they’re amazing. Apparently they completely lose the plot in the last third of the series because –

2. It’s based on a BL webnovel but it was made in Mainland China so I understand the ending is uhhhhhhhhh not so good. The webnovel author and the actors fully understand your agony however, and Zhao Yunlan’s actor read out bits of the novel for the fans and the author straight up wrote an epilogue fixing the TV ending. I have a faint idea both the webnovel and the epilogue are being translated but I haven’t gone to look for it and it’s definitely a Lot of Work (I’m not sure where to find it yet but I have a vague impression there’s one on Ao3. if you know of one for sure please let me know!)

3. in conclusion, to quote chinese sellers selling doujinshi, if this is what you’re looking for, it’s exactly what you’re looking for. if it’s not, maybe don’t try it.

So having said all that! Do you like eternal pining? Do you like identity porn? Do you like EXTREMELY COMPETENT PEOPLE with three piece suits / bad boy taste in leather jackets? Do you like special team shenanigans? Do you like wuxia?

HAVE I GOT A PIECE OF TRASH GARBAGE FOR YOU.

Guardian is set in Dragon City, I’m not sure what province of China but I’m genuinely hoping not the same one as Dr Qin was set in, hilarious as that crossover would be. In the world there are three types of sentient beings: humans, and two types of aliens who arrived 20,000 years ago and settled in. One became fused with plants and animals. One migrated underground and became a whole separate society that occasionally shows up and either tries to live peacefully or rampage. They’re technically called Dixingren, the underground people,but after about three seconds I gave up and started calling them drow and their land the Underdark.  About ten thousand years ago they tried to invade the upper world and four Holy Tools – a writing brush, a sundial, an awl, and it hasn’t actually appeared yet but it looks like a lamp? – were created from a meterorite to stop them. They lost and were forced back into the Underdark, and an agreement was made to keep them there.

So much for background. Present day, you have the Special Investigation Department, whose job is to keep the Dixingren from rampaging angrily, and their liason to the Underdark, Black Coat Envoy (nobody can agree how to translate this in the subs by the way but he is a Senior Official and you do not piss him off because he will kick your ass). The SID consists of seven or eight people who are mostly demi-human or Dixingren but a few humans.

Zhao Yunlan - the boss, human, I suspect in my heart he speaks very rough and manly. Zhu Hong says he acts outgoing and friendly but has a cold heart. The only one he really opens up to is Shen Wei, for reasons which become obvious in a hurry. Zhao Yunlan is very competent but he loves being spoiled by Shen Wei.

Zhu Hong - a member of the snake tribe and the department’s admin. I think she might be half human? She’s estranged from her tribe because she hasn’t fully come into her powers yet. Has a crush on Zhao Yunlan.

Lin Jing - resident science nerd, loves online shit and explosions, has a great wardrobe, is rightfully terrified of Hong-jie.

Da Qing - shapeshifting cat, hundreds if not thousands of years old. His nickname is Shitty Cat or Dead Cat. His hobbies are eating fish, being the voice of reason, and cuddling up on people. Since they chose a dude who looks like he’s doing this as a promotion for his boy band, this is extremely entertaining. I think people actually -ge or lao him because he’s old but I’m not sure because the accent everybody has is unfamiliar to me.  (by the way in some shots they actually use a cat for him but I’m not sure what breed it is. It looks a bit like a Scottish Fold but every time it’s the actual cat it just looks resigned to it’s fate.)

Guo Changcheng - the Newbie. a normal human taken in by the department because his uncle is somehow involved in their funding, as far as I can gather. Terrified at everything, tries his best, very kind. Honestly I have a feeling he’s already marked for death, but I’m a pessimist who has watched too many of these series. He calls everybody -jie and -ge. He mostly works with –

Chu Shuzhi - a Dixingren who is somehow connected to / owes a favor / respects? wants to fuck? the Black Coat Envoy (possibly he served under him?) and controls energy puppet strings. Usually he gets “lao” instead of “ge”, I think. He’s very big and gruff and mean and obviously he and Guo are the secondary ship for the series. They’re very cute.

Last but not least are Wang Zheng and San Zan, who are actually “energy beings” (ghosts) created by the Holy Awl but that’s like an entire episode and a half so I won’t bother explaining it. They are the Token Straights. Wang Zheng is the secretary and San Zan is the ‘librarian’ (he can’t read or write and he’s got a speech disability for reasons). They’re very cute.

Their main contact with the Underdark is with

The Black Coat Envoy – he’s very mysterious. He wears a mask that I think I actually could buy at the art store in my neighborhood. He wears hooded gothy robes. He is also

Shen Wei – a mildmannered professor who looks a bit like Eriol Hiwagizawa and teaches bio-engineering at Dragon City University. He wears very formal clothes and my Chinese is … not existent …. but I suspect he speaks very formally and kind of old fashioned. (Whereas Black Coat Envoy speaks old fashioned but uhhhhhh okay like it’s very obvious that he says tu to them and they say vous to him, except for Zhao Yunlan who has never heard of ‘vous’ in his life unless you kick his ankle.)  He won’t or can’t use computers or cell phones and it’s my personal belief that the poor guy stepped out of the upper world for like three fucking seconds and the Cultural Revolution happened, so he still acts like he’s from just before then. He’s the idol of the school, and for obvious reasons Zhao Yunlan is like WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS GETTING MIXED UP WITH OUR WEIRD SHIT and Shen Wei is hastily shoving his glasses back on like Clark Kent and trying to look like normal human beings just kind of land awkwardly in the bushes and survive falling a 20 ft drop.

Shen Wei’s actual life goal is to be Zhao Yunlan’s sugar daddy / service dom, a calling that Zhao Yunlan is very happy to help him fulfill. Someone hands Shen Wei a water bottle and his automatic reaction is to open it and hand it to Zhao Yunlan, who drinks it without a word. They’re driving to a site and Yunlan’s like NAP NOW, shoves a pillow on Shen Wei’s shoulder, and Shen Wei’s only reaction is to move the pillow so Zhao Yunlan will be more comfortable / he won’t have his view of Zhao Yunlan blocked. Yeah. Zhao Yunlan gets sick because he can’t take care of himself, and Shen Wei stays up all night watching over him and folding his laundry. He’s not whipped, but he’s frantic to spend all the time that he can with Zhao Yunlan because

Zhao Yunlan is the reincarnation of a dude Shen Wei fell in love with during the war 10,000 years ago!

Meg, eating ice cream, watching raptly: This is the good shit, China. This is the reeeeealll gooooooood shiiiiiit.

He died (I feel like he was a human but don’t quote me, I’ve only seen flashbacks) and Shen Wei was left with memories, an amber pendant, and the promise to find him again. The first time Shen Wei sees him as himself and not as the Black Coat Envoy, he can’t let go of his hand after they shake hands. Zhao Yunlan says something about  Shen Wei’s name (I’d have to rewatch but it’s something about standing above people and being mighty) and there is an actual honest to god damn truth flashback to when ZHAO YUNLAN’S PAST SELF GAVE HIM THE NAME.

it’s gay.

Anyway the effects are bad, the plot goes increasingly off the rails because the censors were like “you realize it has to be technically not homosexuals finding each other and living happily ever after or we will make you regret it, right?” and they made weird changes to the plot, and the props department is like three unpaid interns and their pet monkey but if you like supernatural shit, EXTENDED PINING, and team family shit, its definitely something you should look into.

It’s unfortunately not on Viki but there IS a Youtube playlist here:

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLvpAVnYN4lb2Gfz6Feq3KA1r5trkUxMU-

which might actually be licensed?

i think its english name is Guardian? but the title of the book it’s based on can be translated as Guardian of the Soul. 

so the book, 100% mlm, is about these two ancient gods living in the modern day and yes they met and fell in love thousand of years ago and it’s really cute. however, only one person retains the memory and power, now acting as a professor at a uni while looking everywhere for his bae (it’s been more than ten thousand years jfc), whereas the other, captain of a paranormal investigation team, reincarnates and loses his.  

their story revolves around solving supernatural crimes and hunting down ghosts or demons that wreck havoc to humans basically.

you can watch the trailer here (it’s subbed in vietnamese lol because i don’t speak mandarin). pretty sure some sites will pick it up and sub it with english soon.

this is the poster for the movie. like i said, it’s a chinese web drama and therefore isn’t allowed to keep the romantic aspect of their relationship (which is lol bc if you watch it you’ll see how much the one who remembers, he’s on the left, loves his captain). 

there’s this scene where ^ he has to fake being hurt and the captain’s like ‘go the fuck to the hospital immediately jfc’. honey he only scratches his fingertip a wee bit. 

can you believe the audacity of this pose

the professor is also a bit of a grim reaper (for the monsters) but our captain doesn’t know this which works brilliantly for our bespectacled god who’s super protective and will kill a demon if it harms his boo 

Voltron Hogwarts AU

Finally finished this series of pics! I adore Hogwarts AU and can’t resist putting there characters of any fandom I’m in :p 

Lemme know if you want more because I have plenty of ideas for this one ;)