Hi, miss ya, love ya, maybe I’ll just come on here once a year to post a selfie to track the years.

And I try my best to not be bitter

Give my rage a babysitter

Stop waiting for the adults to come home

It's a firework and you can't stop it

I'm cutting holes in all the pockets

Of everyone that's calling me insane

Waiting for rain, oh

.

I am going to Florida on Friday and it’s the first time I’ll be home in six months. Pre-covid me when I had a better relationship with my family would be thrilled and excited but present day me is guarded. Maybe one day I will move on but I am still sad from 2020. This will be the first time I see my sister’s friends who put my family at risk many times and helped drive the rift between me and my sister even deeper than it would’ve been without their actions. They are coming to my nepehew’s birthday party and my plan is to avoid them at all costs necessary. If we end up having to interacting who knows what will happen because just thinking about them makes me rage.

I am excited to see my friends and for the most part I know it will be a good trip. I just always have to codeswitch and walk on eggshells and everyone thinks I am fully responsible for everything even though it takes two people to not talk to one another.

My friends and I rented a home went up to Sheboygan for the long weekend and had zero plans other than to relax. I did all of the cooking and made: breakfast hash, BLTs, chicken Cesar salads, fresh pasta, and burgers. I also made stuffed peaches and creme brûlée and we made s’mores in the fire place.

We just lounged around, got high, read, played board games, and it was incredible. The town ended up being really cute and we did some shopping as well.

We might’ve found a new labor day weekend tradition.

I am not going to lie I usually hate August. It typically feels like the February of the summer and is never ending and the weather sucks. But this August was pretty great.

Jenn visited from NYC and we got to reconnect after not keeping in touch very much the past year and only getting to see her for a few moments when she was in town last summer. I veggie bingo-ed with friends at the hideout a couple of times. Did yoga in the park three Sundays in a row. Continued to Sundae Monday at Longman, and broke our streak last week when they pup cucumbers as a sundae topping- no thank you. I made my favorite ice cream flavor yet, miso brown butter pecan, I’ve eaten at least two pints myself. Read a book a week. Spent a magical 30 hours in Indiana at my aunt’s house with my family. We blueberry picked, swam in the lake, soaked in the hot tub, went to an art fair, made and ate great food. Had a bonfire on the beach with friends. Went to the Biscuit’s Man last weekend in business. Jazz night at the Shedd. Went on many long walks. Lots of quality time with friends and family.

Before the summer started I thought about how this summer I would like to get back into running. Four years ago I loved how strong both physically and mentally it made me feel. Then when I got into my biking accident it messed up my ankle and bit and while I healed fairly fast I was afraid to put any extra stain on it. I’ve been kinda bummed because biking is my main form of exercise but I don’t always feel mentally up for getting back on my bike yet so have just been going for walks. Gyms also don’t feel safe to me because of covid. But I just went for a walk today after getting off of work at 2pm for summer Friday and I did small stints of running and damn did it feel really good.

Life over the last few weeks. I turned 29 last Friday, had a bonfire on the beach with friends and family to celebrate. My mom visited at the beginning of the month, and Sara visited over my birthday weekend. Started my new job and have been easing into things slowly. Joined a queer book club. Ate many a sundaes on Mondays. Saw some live music. Celebrated multiple friend’s birthdays. Endless Mushroom snuggles. Was asked to be a bridesmaid in Val’s wedding. Got a haircut. Got back up on my bike after being hit by a car in May. Went to the beach multiple times.Took many solo walks. Bought so much produce from the farmers market. A weekend at my aunt’s with my cousins and mom.

July is always busy and I always feel very outgoing and calm and I am not sure if it is because of astrology and cancer season or just the summer and lack of SADs but I do always have a mental crash in august and I kinda feel it coming on already and am attempting to ward it off with walks and hanging out with people.

For the past three years or so I have posted a monthly recap on Instagram of my month and I am try and start to do that here. I do not say half as much there as I did in this post but here is more of a safe space. If we’re not ig friends (and we are mutuals here) and you wanna be just send me a message and I can send you my handle.

One thing I’ve really felt I’m lacking in adulthood is a queer community. I have queer friends but most are in relationships with straight dudes and they’re just peppered throughout my life and not in one friend group. Another thing I’ve been thinking about since accepting and starting this new job is that I will probably need to force myself out of my house more -especially once summer is over. So to work on both of those I joined a queer book club at my local bookstore and tonight was the first one I attended. The first photo is post me taking a shot of tequila and about to leave my house and feeling Nervous. It went really well, I did not say much but I predicted that is exactly how it would go. I did talk before the whole group was together with a few people and that was nice and there were a few others whose first time attending was tonight and it felt like some people knew one another/were regulars but not the majority. It was a really welcoming and warm environment. I did leave almost immediately because I did not have any energy to try and mingle and my anxiety was all over the place at times. Second photo is some cherries that I grabbed on the way home as a treat for putting myself out there.

Man I really love adult friendships sometimes.

My friend brought me a peach when we got ice cream sundaes earlier.

A friend and I always split a pack of toilet paper from Costco.

I made my friend food for her D&D campaign this weekend and she came into my apartment and scooped up the food while I was on my way to hangout on the beach with another friend.

My friends stopped by with Italian ice for my mom and I last week while also picking up her car she let me borrow when she was out of town.

This is my week off between jobs and today was my first day where it really felt like it! I got back on my bike - I never shared here or anywhere really but I was hit my a car two months ago and besides a banged up ankle I was/am okay. I went to the farmers market, grabbed some broccoli, romesco, and garlic scapes. I also grabbed a bagel and stated to read Stanley Tucci’s memoir. Then I went to the lily pool- which is where my cousin is marrying his fiancé in may!- and sat and read and it was so beautiful and peaceful. A family of ducks came and at on the rock three feet in front of me and it was truly so sweet and I couldn’t believe it. I then came home and showered and then sat in the park by my house and continued to read. I made pasta with the romesco, scapes, and lemons. Then I walked and grabbed popsicles with my friend and came home and made ice cream. 10/10 day.

My mom was in town Friday- Tuesday morning and it was a really chill and nice time. We spent most of it out at my aunt’s with my cousins and their friend and just cooked and hungout and went to the beach and it was nice for my mom to get to experience a classic summer weekend at my aunt’s. It was also my mom’s first time seeing her new house because she bought it in the pandemic.

The last two weeks at my job were stressful at times but honestly leaving at the end of the month made it easy for me to wrap things up and it was fairly uneventful. Some of my favorite coworkers and I went out for drinks on my last day last Thursday which was nice and a good way to end my time at the org.

I feel like this week off is flying by because of the holiday weekend and my mom visiting but I’m trying to just follow my mood on what I want to do when and not push myself or feel like I have to do anything. I don’t need to do anything!

My many faces and endless emotion yesterday right before I told my boss I was leaving the organization. I got a new job with a salary I never even considered achieving until recently. I’m leaving the nonprofit world and don’t know how this will change my identity/self view but it’s a good change and a necessary change and I’ll get to work from home and have unlimited pto and many other huge benefits. My last day is the last day of June and then my mom visits for five days and then I get five more days off before I start my new job!

Megumi gets here tomorrow and I have a three day weekend to spend with her!

Mexico City with my sweet cousins, their partners, and my aunt for five days was such a dream. Never not grateful for following through on my dream to move to Chicago almost seven years ago if nothing else just for the opportunity to be close with them and learn and grow with them. At this point they’re my best friends and it’s really nice to love your family so fiercely, especially when my immediate family and I have been turbulent in the not so distant past.