𝕕𝕖𝕤𝕡𝕒𝕔𝕚𝕥𝕠

“Well I’m involved now. I know you’re not ruining anything for me- that’s not what I meant.” Hiro didn’t know what to say to make things right. He didn’t know how to fix this, but he wasn’t going to let his twin fall for him. He couldn’t. “Don’t ruin yourself for me. We’ll figure this out. I’m not letting you do this to yourself.”

“It’s hard to do that when I’m already knee-deep in this shit.” it came out ruder than he wanted, defensively. He hated how on edge he suddenly felt, and it for sure wasn’t Hiro’s fault. “I don’t want you involved. That was the whole point of keeping this a secret.” he shook his head, frowning. “There’s not really anything we can do..”

A look of horror crossed his face the second he realized what was going on. Hitoshi was doing it to protect him wasn’t he? While he’d been assuming that they could both get away from their family, Hitoshi was taking the fall himself. “…Why didn’t you tell me? We can figure out a way to escape that shit. Don’t… don’t ruin shit for me.”

“Because telling you would have only gotten you involved.” it wasn’t that he didn’t trust the other, but it was a lot easier to just watch his own back than to watch both of theirs. “We don’t have to, that’s the point.” he was metaphorically doing all he could to push Hiro further and further away from all this. “I’m not ruining anything for you.” he argued, glaring at the floor. “I want you to be a hero, and this is the easiest way for that to happen right now!” even if it meant he didn’t get to partake in their shared dream. That was fine.

“How can I trust you when you won’t even tell me anything?” Shinsou dug his nails into his palm, a deep frown etched onto his face. He didn’t know what to believe. All he knew was that he couldn’t let his twin get dragged down. “What’s probably best? …We’re supposed to be heroes together. To get away from all the bullshit and help people.”

“I know! I know!” he snapped, unable to help himself. It wasn’t like he was enjoying this. He wanted to be a hero, just as much as his brother did. But when faced with ‘its either one of you or both of you’, what was he supposed to do? “I can’t help that! I’d rather you be a hero than both of us be fucked--” he went quiet a moment later. Well that was probably confession enough to what was going on.

“Then what is it like? Hitoshi just… explain it to me then.” He didn’t want to believe his twin was up to no good. No, he thought they shared the desire to become heroes, to move past what their family was doing, but he wasn’t sure anymore. His twin was acting weird and he needed to get to the bottom of it.

“I can’t explain it now. I just need you to trust me.” he felt horrible, blatantly dancing around the truth like this, but there was no helping it. Even if he wanted to be a hero { and lord did he } some things just didn’t work out. He’d rather drag himself down if it meant pushing Hiro up further. “I’m doing what’s probably best.” probably since he was unsure himself.

❝ you saw the messed up parts of me, & stayed. ❞ ❝ all i’ve ever wanted was for someone to save me. ❞ ❝ since you left, i have no one to talk to. ❞ ❝ i apologize for the nights in which i cannot breathe. ❞ ❝ everytime i look at you, i want to kiss you. ❞ ❝ we said no strings attached but now we’re in knots. ❞ ❝ there’s a difference between missing someone & missing having someone. ❞ ❝ for which f are you drinking? fuck, forget, or fun? ❞ ❝ my biggest mistake was thinking i could live without (pronoun/name). ❞ ❝ whenever (name/pronoun) rose to kiss me, i fell even more. ❞ ❝ i wish that ‘goodnight’ was followed by ‘i love you’. ❞ ❝ let’s smoke a pack of mentholds & talk about love. ❞ ❝ your deep, sleepy voice makes me feel like i’m okay. ❞ ❝ i read both of our horoscopes looking for an answer ❞ ❝ reality is the absolute last place i want to be. ❞ ❝ i didn’t expect that drunk kiss could mean this much. ❞ ❝ all i need is a late night drive with you. ❞ ❝ feeling pain is nowhere near as terrifying as feeling nothing. ❞ ❝ your eyes are the color of summer fading into autumn. ❞ ❝ you are the warmest home i will ever, ever find. ❞ ❝ the world is less scary when i am with you. ❞ ❝ i still can’t tell which of us was the victim. ❞ ❝ i just need an excuse to hang out with you. ❞ ❝ your expectations for me have been set way too high. ❞ ❝ i don’t want to feel this way about anyone else. ❞

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He hadn’t expected someone to confront him so suddenly, and especially not his own brother. He couldn’t help the look of surprise that crossed his face at the ‘accusation’, even if it was true. He couldn’t think of a good excuse, either. So he was left wide eyed and obviously stunned, unable to really defend himself.

“What are you doing?” Shinsou didn’t even pause in what he was saying. Pulling his twin off to the side to speak with him, well he had expected his twin to at least try to defend himself. No, he’d hoped his twin would defend himself. He was left disappointed. “Are you getting sucked into… the “family” business?”

This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have. Ever. But of course it would come up eventually. He knew his actions were shady at best and downright suspicious to someone who knew what to look for. “...It’s not like that.” except that it was and that was obvious. Someone had to do it though, and he’d rather it be him.

     /// Doesn’t matter. I had an internal struggle because of you /// 

“I don’t really see the point, though. You’re mad because of something completely out of your control in literally every sense of the word.”

CONTROL // HALSEY {photo credit: mbacani}

It’s said with a blatant sarcasm, a tired tone in Shinsou’s voice. He is more than used to being ignored by this point, but it does not make it any less annoying. 

         ( QUIET )    —  He wouldn’t let the other person take control again. Ojiro steeled himself from the purple haired boy’s remarks. NOT AGAIN. His eyes scanned the area before an idea popped in his head– Surely this would work, RIGHT? Tail coiled around his leg as he scavenged his backpack for a notebook. Quickly writing a comeback to the other.           /// I’m not risking any chances ///    Showing the note to other student. 

“Why would I have any reason to do anything to you? The Sports Festival was a one-time thing to further my own goals.” that just sounded awful, but it was true.