The dean said I could start my rotation and finish it regardless of the results of my GI remediation exam. Equine field service. I have like no horse experience but the faculty is always telling small animal students “It’s fine if you have no experience, or don’t know anything, we’ll teach you everything and we’re happy to have you!”
When I was doing the PE for my first patient on Monday, the resident chewed me out for being “too nervous.” And I don’t know a lot about horses. I don’t know their vaccine schedule or the most common causes of colic or the normal TPR values off the top of my head. I don’t have a lot of experience describing where lesions are on their anatomy or naming the parts of their limbs. And she just kept lecturing me on “You really need to study the species on your rotations before the rotations.” Ok.
Today I did an exam on a horse and got a low heart rate, which I thought was weird, and I was going to double check it because I thought it was low. Before I got a chance, but as I was putting on my stethoscope again, this resident asked what I got for the heart rate and I told her. She immediately said, “First of all, you should know the normal range for heart rate by now. Second, don’t just make up a number if you can’t hear the heart.” And I was confused. She kept going, “Don’t lie about your patient.”
I didn’t lie. I realized I just multiplied wrong. Dumb, but I realized it, and I would have realized it when I was writing it down or talking about it if she hadn’t accused me of lying?
Later she had me give an IV injection, which I’ve never done on a horse. I’ve never touched a horse with a needle for anything. And it was hard—a different process than a dog or a cat. My fingers didn’t know how to hold the needle. The skin was thicker than I thought. I couldn’t get in the vein in one swift, clean motion, but I wasn’t hesitating. I was pushing it with a lot of force, maybe not super efficiently, but I’ve never done this before. She reprimanded me for hesitating, taking too long, putting the horse through more pain than necessary. Like I did it on purpose.
We had a patient this afternoon that I wasn’t even supposed to be the primary student for. The resident started her physical, and then the other student on the rotation and I each did one. When I gave the resident the discharge instructions, she freaked out on me because I didn’t get a temperature. I apologized, said I thought someone else had gotten it but I shouldn’t have assumed, I should have asked. Totally my bad. Won’t do that again, I’ll just always get the temp from now on (despite the times I’ve gone to take it and she stops me and tells me she already got it, and I’m making the horse suffer more if it keeps getting its temperature taken.) I said I was responsible for the error and I’d go back and take it if she wanted me to. And I know it’s important to get the temp on every patient. And for like ten minutes in the truck in front of everyone, she goes on to lecture me about why it’s important (I know), that I shouldn’t assume things (I know), that as the student I’m responsible for getting a temperature (I knew I had to do a PE and do the record, but she never told me that if the PE was incomplete, if get in trouble for it; for the record, she always just wants me to record her findings, not mine. Not an excuse, but trying to explain why I misunderstood, I guess.)
Anyway. Maybe other rotations are better, but every day this week I’ve come home and cried and I feel stupid and I’m learning some things, but mostly learning I maybe don’t want to be around horse people. On Monday night I had a panic attack just remembering I had to go back on Tuesday. I’m less panicked now, but still dreading every morning.
I kind of hope the dean emails me and tells me I failed and I have to repeat 3rd year.