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@angstdom

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i stg i only take my blog off private to comment on the awsten knight shenanigans hi awsten yes you still have a chokehold on the parasocial relationship between us
Moodboard for when you finally get back into Parx and remember Awtto đ
give me a break!
âIâm sorry. Iâm sorry that he hurt you, Iâm sorry that youâre still afraid to talk about it, and Iâm sorry that you think Iâll never understand. Iâm sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it."

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hmmmm thinking about Kevin Day
needless to say i made the mistake of re-reading the sunshine court and my brain chemistry has been permanently altered thanks to these books im looking at that feral cat jean moreau and i just wanna give him a cuddle and a kiss
back on tumblr to say i have some FEELINGS about jean moreau and those feelings are that he needs a HUG and for everyone to leave him the fuck ALONE
anyways they are somehow both the trophy wife and i feel as though a dark sickness has taken over me when looking at these images

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i watched the season 2 finale ! congrats on the divorce louis <3
Scene / awsten doodles
travis is doing what now???
congrats. or not. you made it to part 2 of my explanation/summary of that. you can find part 1 here.
cw: some (not too graphic but still present) smut written by a guy who is friends with the people in this fic + discussion of religion in a very general metaphor way
Maybe youâve posted about this before (I know youâve mentioned it for sure) but whatâs your opinion on the fanfiction Travis wrote? I read all of it and I thought it was decent enough, itâs just sort of weird that he spent so much time on a fanfiction about his friends fucking đđ idk I wish he would have finished it. Also do you know why he stopped? He mentioned people âpsychoanalyzingâ him, but I wasnât around at the time so Iâm not really sure what he was referring to.
oh he ended it. because uh. i made a post on my main making fun of it. two actually. i know heâs a parxdrama lurker still specifically because once i reblogged it here after a week, he made a post saying how he was stopping it because i talked all that shit but also im literally an rpf guy of course im gonna rip into fics especially when they are this insane. you can read it and guess which parts he got offended at but this is the wild west of rpf and i really donât know what he expected. psychoanalysis by strangers is like literally half of it. - iz
aw dudes i don't hate the new song like wow actually the over production really suits this kinda intentionally overproduced, 2010s era style remix

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and honestly? losing my goddamn mind
interesting stuff youâve been bringing up about spencer in relation to panicâs dynamics post-split. i mean like as far as i remember even before panic became just brendon it did already seem like that but i never noticed if spencer was just going along with it because of *waves hand* everything
do you think peteâs influence is the main culprit for planting the seed of needing brendon to be The Frontman especially since fob was going on hiatus because of messed up band dynamics or do you think brendon already had the idea before pete could even influence anything? i never actually realized how weird some of the post split songs were if they were referencing spencer leaving alreadyâŚ
No. I think Pete definitely was pushing Ryan/Jon and Spencer/Brendon apart pre-split because everyone felt Ryan was not taking Panic in a profitable direction. I also think Ryan and Pete were not getting along anyway and Jon was also driving a wedge between Panic and FOB from day one.Â
However, I think itâs clear Brendon is not able to be in a band with ANYONE, regardless of whether or not Pete is whispering in his ear.Â
It seemed like pre-split, Panic honestly did not really have âa frontman.â During Fever, most journalists perceived Panic to be âRyanâs band,â but Brendon did all of the talking onstage and Spencer handled a ton of the press.Â
Additionally, pre-split, it is actually pretty obvious that Brendon often refused to speak to or cooperate with journalists, which is pretty important if youâre going to be the frontman.Â
I feel like he did that because even back then, he was incredibly resentful and bitter that journalists were more interested in Ryan, which was an omen for his villain arc in the future lol.Â
Then during Pretty Odd I think the band was fighting for control a lot more and were kind of on separate planets completely.Â
Brendon was the youngest member of Panic and Panic was originally Brent, Spencer, and Ryanâs band that they had for years before Brendon joined. I think at first Brendon felt like an outsider and a baby so he did what he was told. But once he got a taste of writing and started to become an adult and feel like it was âhis band,â he turned into a power hungry maniac.Â
Then I believe between Pretty Odd and Vices and Virtues Spencer went from like abusing benzodiazepines and alcohol to getting chemically addicted to opioids after his dad got diagnosed with ALS. I think at this point he stopped saying anything at all and you can kind of tell by his eyes he is really unwell. I think part of it was like you said âgoing along with itâ because Brendon wanted to do the talking, or because he wasnât able to.Â
But if you look at the lyrics This Is Gospel and Emperorâs New Clothes, I actually think Brendon and Spencer were fighting creatively as well and that Spencer did have strong feelings about the band and his own ideas too. Emperorâs New Clothes is so bitter and insane, especially because Spencer had already been out of the band for three years.Â
Also, I think the fandom is under the impression that one day in 2013 Spencer voluntarily left the band to go to rehab. But if you read and watch all of the news coverage and âstatementsâ in chronological order, it actually seems like Brendon asked Spencer to step back/leave during the recording of Too Weird and started pushing the band in this direction. Then people started asking questions, and they decided Spencer was going to stay and get treatment, and then as soon as tour started, Spencer relapsed or something and Brendon kicked him out.Â
If you watch the interview Spencer did with the co-author of Peteâs book, the one right before he got kicked out where he says heâs staying in Panic and getting treatment, it is really awkward and intense. Itâs also surprising that this is even allowed on YouTube at all given how aggressive MTV is about copyright and the fact that the interviewer basically went into emo witness protection.Â
Because of that I think itâs probably important to either the label or the band that this is out there. I kind of got the vibe that Spencer going public about this and posting the Instagram statement and doing the interview was kind of a condition of him staying in the band as like an accountability thing.Â
Also, I think everyone is under the impression that Spencer was always cool with leaving and left voluntarily and he and Brendon were always completely chill.Â
But after seeing Brendon talk about Emperorâs New Clothes and reading his annotations on Genius, given the fact that Spencer had already been gone for THREE YEARS, I kind of wonder if Spencer wanted to come back and Brendon was like âNoâ and really pissy about it. Thereâs a lot on the Genius page that wasnât written by Brendon about Spencer holding Brendon back, but itâs just incredibly bizarre because he had already been supposedly out of the band for three years.Â
Spencer is very low drama compared to literally everyone else in Panic so I donât think he and Brendon hate each other or anything but the Emperorâs New Clothes video is bonkers lmao.
On a final note regarding Peteâs involvement all of thisâ
I talked about this in my Brent Wilson essay, but Spencer initially said that touring messed up his perception of normal alcohol consumption, then walked this back and said nobody on the SRAR tour was binge drinking, and then years later the Drunk History video got posted where Brendon is beyond wasted.Â
But thereâs another video of Brendon where he is asked if he is excited to go on tour with FOB for SRAR, and he says yes, but heâs glad he doesnât see Pete often because the first time he toured with FOB, Pete made him chug a bottle of champagne and he blacked out. Pete was a main driver behind the Drunk History thing too. So yeah, thereâs that.Â