youre not supposed to be here

made therapy appointment with a therapist who specializes in helping people with eating disorders. we’ll see how it goes i guess

i have way too many followers on my main blog i’m getting scared. it’s honestly not even that many but i’m still scared

ok so i wanted to go for a hike but the timing didn’t work out and also i don’t think it’s necessarily the safest idea right now considerjng that ive been getting dizzy very easily lately.and for some reason i didn’t do the one thing i needed to do today which was to call therapists so i can actually start working this out

playing a game called am i getting sick or is my body fatigued from not eating enough. and it is NOT a very fun game i must confess

getting into a piece of media where one of the main characters has an unaddressed eating disorder that is constantly joked about by the fandom was maybe not my best move

they should invent an eating that isn’t a goddamn nightmare

um anyway.

i’m a little bit nervous that my mom is going to ask me about the way i’ve been eating lately at dinner tomorrow. because i know i’m gonna eat weird in front of her because i can’t turn that off and she’s of course going to notice because she actively pays attention to me. and also she’s a professional psychologist.

but fuckkkk i have dinner with my mom tomorrow

unfortunately they did gross me out pretty bad now i don’t think i’m going to eat for a little while

i made the fucking muffins

ate too much and now i fear they are going to put me down

if i bake a whole tray of blueberry muffins then maybe i will be forced to eat them. or perhaps they will make me feel so sick that i don’t eat for a couple days. i’m leaning towards the latter but right now i’m hungry and a blueberry muffin sounds really nic

but like actually though is there really anything my doctor can do about it other than just telling me to go to therapy