Reader's Choice

Would you want to be like before? At least remember me a little more? Forgetting all the bitterness, And leaving behind all the aging anger That erupts in you like an endless volcano.

I’ve been trying to make more room for you inside of myself lately, not because the nights are longer without the comforting rhythm of you breathing next to me, not because I know I can close the gap between who I’m not and who I know I can be with a brush your fingers, but I know one day you’ll wake up and the war inside of your head will be over. I learned how to swallow screams too early in life and now they sit at the back of my throat waiting for a name quieter than winter, but my words have loved you since forever, and every time you touch them I know it's you. I don’t know how to fit all my love for you in to this lifetime, but I’m going to do everything I can to try.

Falling in love used to be like breathing for me, like finding mention of it in old scrolls discovered during a dig. but now when I write to describe the loss, I’m unsure if any of the words belong together. they say a little bit of pain makes it real, yet I’ve tucked myself into sunsets that taste of red forgiveness, but I wanted you to be the reason I came home. I’ve got enough oceans for the both of us. I’m breathing, but I’m not alive. I’m just trying to find all the pieces of myself I lost when I lost you.

In every blank space, my heart writes your name. I may have gotten close to love a couple of times, but it’s only with you that I got there. I stayed and laughed there. I fell in heartache there. I grew wings there. I loved the world there. You’re made of all the places that hold me above the stars.

Its taken me a dozen seasons to think of you outside of myself, another dotted line to erase my name from. it rains and rains and rains, and I wonder why all of these memories aren't washed away yet. I wish there was more to write about than wishing. maybe there are no more smiles left inside, just a space to keep the skeletons I’ll never use again. time and distance have kept these heartbreak fault lines active, but if sadness is only a visitor, I hope she doesn't stay too long. I know I can love something with every bone in my body, but I know one day I’ll stop loving it, and I think I’m always waiting for the day I can look at something that used to break me into pieces and feel whole again.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀ ᴘᴏᴇᴍ, ɪ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴋɴᴇᴡ ʙᴜᴛ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴘᴇɴ ᴅᴏᴡɴ.