luna

i could've restricted. i could have waited for my parents to have left. i could have avoided purging, i could've kept myself happy. it's not what happened but it's what i could have done instead

to be seen as sick in the eyes of strangers means to finally be seen as the struggles that have been happening from within. when you regurgitate the internal battles into the porcelain bowl that is your human body, you are being percieved in a way in which others finally see the reasons why. you become an enigma, something untouchable. they can all look, they can all wonder, but they cannot get close. as outsiders, there is nothing they can do but observe you descending further, further down. because for those who only watch you, cannot control you.

i love my guy friends but i swear it feels like sometimes im not even taken seriously by them.

for 10 years i've been aware of my body and food. for 5 years i've been aware that i wanted to lose weight. how can i let this go when it has dictated my life for so long? i dont think i'll ever find a way out of this because it is just so engraved in me. i have finally reached a point in time where i feel like i can no longer go on but theres still this desire to keep going and keep things hidden.

i am so happy today. i didn't fast or restrict as well as i would've liked, but the experiences i share with my friends are worth more than a stupid calorie

can't it just be winter again

why cant i find a single good header on pinterest bruh