🦋 𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧 🦋

here is where you’ll find all my work and yeah! Although I’m still creating, I’ll try and update it whenever I get a chance to !! also, some writing is taking longer as I haven’t found motivation or haven’t had feelings towards the guys !!

I also have other tumblr accounts:

@scftedits - icons and wallpapers

@stanthreads - threads of my faves

if you would like to be added to my taglist, click here

If you want to see my writings on wattpad, click here

𝘾𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙢 𝙃𝙤𝙤𝙙

Late

Dork

Surprise

𝙇𝙪𝙠𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙢𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨

Dress Up

Ok

Cute

Distracted

Confess

Stay

𝙅𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙂𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙠𝙮

Deep

Wait For You

Best Friends Thoughts

Cigarette

Love Song

Kissing

𝙏𝙞𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙚 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙖𝙢𝙚𝙩

Sneak In

Award Show

I Love You’s

𝙆𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙇𝙖𝙬𝙡𝙚𝙮

Forgot Something?

Is That My Shirt ?

𝙉𝙞𝙘𝙠 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙖

Polish

Roasted Marshmallows

Opening The Door

Lap

Hungry

𝙳𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚆𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚗 𝚂𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜

Moonlight : Luke Hemmings

Dangerous Woman : Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Be Alright : Timothee Chalamet

Into You : Jack Gilinsky

Side to Side : Calum Hood

Let me Love You : Timothee Chalamet

Greedy : Timothee Chalamet

Leave Me Lonely : Jack Gilinsky

Everyday : Hero Fiennes Tiffin

Sometimes : Luke Hemmings

I Don’t Care : Luke Hemmings

Bad Decisions : Calum Hood

Touch it : Nick Mara

Knew Better / Forever Boy : Jack Gilinsky

Thinking Bout You : Calum Hood

𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙨

PRETTYMUCH - Names on Each Others Phones

PRETTYMUCH - What You Like about Eachother

𝙊𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 :)

Hardin Scott - Day Out

Spell out your URL with songs

My Stan List Part 2

An Introduction To Me

↳ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 : 960 (without lyrics)

↳ 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 : you and Calum’s sexual life has its ups and downs

↳ 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 : I don’t know how I feel about this but here ya go ! enjoy ! :)

↳ 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 : nasa

I'm talkin' to ya

See you standing over there with your body

Feeling like I wanna rock with your body

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('Bout nothin')

I'm comin' at ya

'Cause I know you got a bad reputation

Doesn't matter, 'cause you give me temptation

And we don't gotta think 'bout nothin' ('Bout nothin')

Calum was passionate romantically in and outside the bedroom. He knew that he had a certain ripple effect on me and at certain points, he could use that to his advantage. He knew his way round a women’s heart and body and he’s proud to say the least. Calum in the beginning of our relationship was great. The determination and love Calum provided to make it work was motivating.

It was difficult at times as him being a public figure, people wanna know everything and then use that against you. He knew that he didn’t want that to drive distance between us both away and so he kept us both away from the spotlight for the first couple months of the relationship. This gave us privacy to get to know each other and enjoy our intimate moments together.

These kind of nights were amazing and memorable especially the aftermath of the actions from the night before. We both loved the intensity of the moment and other times, we basked in the slow and gentle touches and taking our time together. I liked it either way to be honest because I loved Calum and he made it different but comfortable everytime.

I've been here all night

I've been here all day

And boy, got me walkin' side to side

I didn’t want to seem Braggy when I talked or was asked about my sexual life and people have a certain perception of Calum, especially in the bedroom. Yes, it was great but the bruises and red marks that stayed on my body as almost trophies of the night and some hurt touching but others looking painful yet they’re was no pain endured touching it. Usually, either Calum would wake up with the dark colouring over his body or I showed them to him.

This morning, I had woken up from a previous night of getting frisky with Calum. He had awaken early as he usually let me sleep in more especially if the partaken actions were rougher. He had made breakfast which was the perfect timing as he kept his attention on me walk towards the breakfast bar. I slightly limped as the pain was evident, now and then. He grew a more concerned face and asked “you ok, baby?”.

I nod as my eyes stay on the floor, keeping my main focus sitting on the chair with minimal pain. I tried a weird seating position as Calum had a confused face and silently giggled as I let out a laugh. When sitting, I felt the on and off pain and continued with whatever was coming my way. I readjusted myself several times during the conversation and every so often, Calum would ask if I’m ok.

Been tryna hide it

Baby what's it gonna hurt if they don't know?

Makin' everybody think that we solo

Just as long as you know you got me (You got me)

And boy I got ya

'Cause tonight I'm making deals with the devil

And I know it's gonna get me in trouble

Just as long as you know you got me

Calum knew he was rough and so he usually suggested me taking a long bubble bath with him beside the tub talking, almost like a date. Sometimes the days after the wrangled bodies was lazyily spent hours watching binge watch shows and sometimes, it would be us going through a normal day. Today, I had planned to visit my friends house where it was gonna be a get together.

Shortly after my calming bath and fixing together a outfit, I headed out the door with Calum driving me to my friends house. Calum knew it would’ve been nice to drive me and pick me up and so off I was to the house, walking towards the door. Shortly, I entered the house and chatted to my other 3 friends, while we swirled our drinks in our glasses. The topic of conversation arose “so y/n, how are you and Calum?”.

I smile and nod while answering “yeah, we’re good”. She then smirks and asks further “yeah, but what about, you know, the sex?”. I get a little uncomfortable with it but I go On to respond “yeah, it’s great”. The all look at each other collectively and one of them start “y/n, remember when we told you not to go with him since he was a bad boy? That must’ve worked in your favour”. I silently laugh and look up at them again.

These friends keep talkin' way too much

Say I should give you up

Can't hear them no, 'cause

The continue talking about their warning signs made to me about Calum but they seemed surprised and almost a little jealous that their plan didn’t work out. Fair enough but the conversation continued talking about the other girls relationships and their detailed sex life, and then moved onto other subjects and so I decided to leave. I called Calum prior to leaving, with him being outside in timing for me to exit the house.

The door opens and Calum sits there and asks “how was it?” And I respond while just getting into the passenger side “yeah, it was good”. He smiles and starts the journey home. Shortly after a drive, we arrive back to the house and make ourselves comfortable. The night grows later as the time suggests that your eyes were drooping and quick 5 minutes of sleep every so often in front of the tv. Calum then said “baby, let’s get you to bed”.

↳ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 : 973 (without lyrics)

↳ 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 : you realise that jack isn’t providing the love you are giving and bring a end to whatever you both have

↳ 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 : angsty but the songs message is this !! Enjoy :)

↳ 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 : nasa

Dangerous love

You're no good for me, darling

Yeah, you turn me away

Like I'm begging for a dollar

Danger, oh, how you hold me

I get a chill inside

And nothing frightens me, baby, oh

Jacks perception to the world was very much big in partying and socialising with lower ranked internet celebrities. Rightfully so, he worked hard and was known all over the woeld for his duo with Jack Johnson. The constant drinking, smoking and nights out made me feel uneasy and make me feel like I wasn’t satisfying him in some way. This usually didn’t hit jack due to his state of mind being encapsulated in that lifestyle.

I was a little apprehensive to say a word to jack especially when intoxicated due to his sober thoughts pouring out and leaving the two of us feeling polar opposite if we were to have it dry in the morning. His friends were sometimes egging jack on and ok, fine but sometimes they would make jacks thoughts manipulated and think of different things like cheating and toxic stuff like that.

I thought to myself that I might as well tell jack how I’m feeling or this feeling will eat me up inside and end our relationship paired along with his lifestyle and barely visible giving in the relationship. I usually followed my heart but this was blindly seen as my heart was covered in my admiration for jack but for once my brain made me aware of the toxicity I was in.

Is it love when so easily said goodbye?

Is it love when we've given up before we tried?

Is it love when you stole my peace of mind?

Is it love when you cry, and cry and cry?

I woke up and there was jack laying trying to quickly recover from the drinks from the night before. I retrieve my robe and enter the kitchen where the island was and the seats to go along. Entering my daily dose of internet, I spot several candids of jack from last night with several girls and being blatantly drunk out of his face.

The hour or two passes and jack enters the room with his hand rubbing his eye along with his sentence “Mornin baby” in a gravelly voice. I smile at him as the picture made me sick as he retrieve a piece of fruit and sits alongside me. He asks “what you lookin at? Trying to tilt his head to be face front to my phone. I look at him aggressively and state “I need to talk with you jack”. We both readjust our seating and I start “you need to seriously have a reboot jack cause honestly, the constant going out, with girls and drinking has to stop or this thing we have, is coming to a end”.

His eyes widen at my previous statement as I continue “there’s literal evident jack of you with girls and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of feeling not good enough for you, of not feeling pretty enough and it’s seriously just fucking me in the head”. He takes a moment and replies “baby, you know I love you but sometimes it’s just for the cameras or my friends, why would I cheat on you? With a strong stare into my eyes.

So when you walk out that door

Don't you come back no more

My heart has had enough of the give and take

And as much as I want you to stay

I start “you know what jack, I can’t even trust you and to be honest, I’m sick of your lies and I’m done with you, I’m done with this thing we have whatever it’s called and I want you out my apartment by tonight or else”. He seems shocked and tries to apologise in some way “baby, you know I love you”. I make a disgusted face and reply “I don’t think you ever loved me jack, I’m in your little pawn and I’m done”.

His face was frowned as I continue “you know, I was better than this. I stooped to your level and that in itself is emabarassing.”. He walks into to fetch his clothes from the previous night and bundle himself together. I analyse my last comment and I was right, the fact that I put my heart in his hands was terrible and dangerous for myself. I was almost forcing myself to like or love him now and that just points at the direction of a end.

The hour passes and jack seems almost complete for his exit and he says “you know, I really am sorry y/n. I didn’t mean to hurt you, I do really love you”. My face was frozen still with the same expression of little effect of the current climate we were in. The face he made was sad but he added “y/n, I know you probably hate me right now and I get that but please, think about this”. He starts to walk towards the door and he looks back, almost to remember the environment.

You're a dangerous love

Baby, you're no good for me, darling

'Cause if you're gonna love me and leave me hanging here

Then I'd rather you leave, leave me lonely

Even though it hurts

Dangerous love, baby

He shortly leaves and I sit down and sigh deeply, letting myself stop the charge that was our relationship. He hadn’t noticed the damage he had caused but that’s for me to acknowledge and repair, although it’s his fault. His words of “think about it” really irked me. I had already thought about it, I’m done. No more acting like everything’s perfect and dandy when really my tears leave my eyes the majority of nights.

The night grew deeper as I had called my mum and said “me and jack are over”. He takes a moment and there’s silence until she says “oh honey, I’m sorry. I’ll come over Tommorow, how about that, a girls day”. I sniffle and reply “thanks mum, I love you”. She responds “love you honey. You have a good nights rest, ok?”. We later on end the phone call and I end up heading to my bed.

↳ 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 : 1512 (without lyrics)

↳ 𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴 : you don’t wanna be greedy but can’t imagine Timothee with anyone else but yourself and confessing your feelings to him

↳ 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 : hey guys ! So basically if you live under a rock, prettymuch are being exposed for sexual assault, racism and other things and so it’ll be a little difficult making imagines for nick but yeah, I’m still deciding whether not to give up his writings after this series but yeah, enjoy ! :)

↳ 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘦 : nasa

Boy, you give me feelings, never felt before

I'm making it obvious by knocking at your door

I know that I'm coming tonight

You know I'm coming tonight

Don't want to deny it anymore

Me and Timothee had been friends for a while and everytime we were in the same environment, it just made me want to spend time with him even more, if it’s in a crowded room or just the two of us. He was always smiling whenever our friend group did something, he just made my world a little brighter with not only his bright white teeth but the genuine happiness radiating from him.

Tonight, our friends were together in one of their apartments and it was dark with mood lighting changing colours every now and then. Timothee was coming and so beforehand, I decided to talk to one of my close friends in the clique. I whisper to her “can I talk to you for a minute?”. She nods with a puzzled face. We make our way to one of the bedrooms and I await for her to enter the room before closing the door.

I say before telling her the reason of her escape from the party “before I tell you this, don’t tell anyone this, ok?” As I lay out my pinky sticking out as she interlocks her pinky with mine. He ly out a deep breath and say “well-“ and smile at her. “I think I like Timothee and I don’t know what to do, if I should tell him or make hints-“. She interrupts as she answers passionately “follow your heart y/n. Besides, you wanna make sure you’re comfortable if you tell him. Maybe Timothee would like that, just being upfront and besides, he won’t hold it against you, he’s not like that” while holding the ends of my fingers, like a mother talking to her daughter about something important.

Baby, you got lucky cause you're rocking with the best

And I'm greedy

'Cause I'm so greedy

'Cause I'm so

Somehow, I had to pluck up the courage to tell Timothee and besides, I’ve never done something like this. When I start getting comfortable with the idea, I immediately think of the other factors, like what if he wants somebody in the industry or isn’t liking me like that. My mind and body then become more tense and more uptight, resulting in worrying and fidgeting.

When I exit the bedroom, I enter the main room where all our friends where and the main event of the night, Timothee. When I fully enter the room, Timothee makes a smile at me and I do the same as I turn to my friend from before and she makes a face raising her eyebrows. I laugh silently and plant my eyes on the floor alerting myself that I don’t want to embarrass myself, especially tonight.

My attention is stolen as the mood coloured lights switch into a new vibrant ambience and a burst of laughter exits one corner of the room. I sat myself down beside my friend from before and she comes closer to my ear and whispers “you’ll be fine y/n, besides, he’s your friend” and moves back with a smile on her face.

I don't need a phone call

Got nothing to say

I'ma tell you when it's over

Got no games to play

You know that I'm coming tonight

I know I'm coming tonight

I just need to get this out the way, oh baby!

I waited till the perfect moment to pull aside Timothee in order to get a accurate response from him. I take a breath before lift myself off the ground and walk over to Timothee and ask him “hey, can I talk to you for a sec?”. He smiles and replies in a high and gentle tone “yeah, sure” before he stands up following me. The walk towards the same room was daunting and almost like a make or break moment.

Before we enter the room fully, I make sure the door was shut before anyone was coming in while I was spilling my guts out. While shutting the door, he asks “have I done anything to offend you? If so, I’m so-“. I brush off his sentence and for a split second, I admire his caring nature. I respond assuringly “no, not at all”. He breaths out of relief and looks back at you.

I take a deep breath in and out and start “so, I know we’re friends and I don’t want to make you feel weird or make you feel anything like that. So, I feel like I should be honest with you and I know that this is between us. But basically, I think I’m gaining feelings for you.” I look at him as he does the same and I let out a deep breath. His stare is a bit blank as I start to worry what he’s thinking.

Been in this state of mind

Been in this state of mind

Been in this state of mind, oh yeah

I add “I know but if you wanna go with someone in the Industry or whatever but... I thought I’d tell you I’m into you”. He gives me a muted smile and makes a effort to say “you know, y/n, you are a lovely person and just having a good energy but I’m a little overwhelmed I think but, I mean.. you’re feelings aren’t anything to be ashamed of but I’m just a little shocked that this something you felt”.

I look at him as he does the same with me and he tries to put together what else to say as his former sentence was a little bit of puzzle piece. There was a feeling of a awkward silent tension yet this wasn’t addressed. I try to make my conversation starter from before seem better as I say “I know this is new but I don’t wanna feel .. greedy but I just want to make sure that you are ok and that our friendship isn’t.. you know.. tarnished”.

His face now has a sympathetic face as he makes another sentence leave his mouth “y/n, you’re fine and besides I’d rather you tell me than you feel all bottled up and you feeling comfortable. But I get what you mean, feeling greedy almost but y/n, I’ve had worse encounters with girls and let me tell you, you’re no where near their tier of bad” as we both end that with a laugh.

I ain't talking money, I'm just physically obsessed

And I'm greedy

'Cause I'm so greedy

'Cause I'm so greedy, ooh

You know that I'm greedy for love

You know that I'm greedy for love

'Cause I'm so greedy, ooh

You know that I'm greedy for love

You know that I'm greedy for love

'Cause I'm so

Our conversation kept revolving valid feelings, joking about past encounters while in the romantic situation and reassuring the other person that we are fine with each other. The night seemed to go by fast as somebody walked into the room as they shout “heyyy, timmys gettin it on with y/n” which his tone seemed under the influence and a little comedic making me and Timothee silently laugh.

The guy leaves the room with the door opened ajar and makes the talk with Timothee seem sped up as he must’ve wanted to make this seem less awkward and get back to normality within the friend group. He covers the current climate we were in and starts “so basically, y/n, I don’t think of you any differently and while we were speaking, you are cute but” and a laughing sigh leaves his body with his hand on the back of his neck. He continues “but yeah, we could maybe go out some point this week and catch up with each other”.

He later leaves the room as I silently realised that he just asked me on a date... I think. I let myself take a few minutes to calm down from my excitement and seem cool leaving the room to maybe catch his attention. I quickly check my makeup before exiting the area and she was all good. I adjust my outfit as the second it was fine, my foot entered the room, the bold lights making it a little dramatic.

Greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy

I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy, I'm greedy for love

The eyes of some people were captivated by me and one of those pairs was Timothee. I always high fived myself internally as that was my goal as I quickly come back to reality and sit next to my friend from before. She asked “so, how was it?”. I smile and reply “better than I thought” as she’s quick to say “I told you so”. I laugh and add “yeah, he was so sweet about it and I think he asked me on a date”.

She readjusts her seating and has a shocked face plastered on her face as she asks “really? No way!” As I nod my head to confirm her question. He smiles as she asks “so, where and what you gonna wear?” As I have a serious face as I continue the questions but to her. “How come your so invested?” As we both laugh. She responds “I’m just excited, thats all. Besides, y’all would make a cute couple.... just saying”.