angelbbyjourn’s top 10 songs to sit in sorrow to
it’s currently 1:33am (at time of writing) and I’ve been sitting in my bed with all the lights off, my face is only lit by the soft glow of my laptop and the only sounds are my music and my leaky aircon dripping...but alas I have decided to write this.
Lately I’ve been feeling a bit off; like something’s wrong but I don’t really know what, but you don’t know what to do about it. Everything is great in life so I don’t know why something’s not working/clicking. I’m sure we’ve all been there before though. The last time I felt like this was when I was getting ready to graduate high school, specifically March 2021 because it was a little bit after my mock exams and I did well, but not fantastic but not terrible. I was trying to figure out how do I do better for finals while also lacking the motivation to do anything because the mocks had drained me. That’s when I discovered the concept of “senioritis”. I’d heard about it before, especially when starting senior year as I felt my grades were dropping (due to not retaining anything from online learning), therefore affecting my attitude toward myself and self-esteem. It’s often defined as “common affliction describing the lack of motivation felt by students who are reaching the end of their courses”. It’s the crushing feeling of de-motivation and everything is slipping away in front of you but you can’t do anything about it. You know that in a couple months your life for the past twelve or so years is just a memory, a closed book, a sweatshirt, a folder on your laptop, a fancy piece of paper.
Currently I keep thinking to myself, “you’re no longer a senior in high school so why do I still feel like this?” but I realise that I just associate it with high school but I don’t necessarily need to be in high school to feel it. I’ve come back to a point in my life where I have many big decisions to make which is just all too familiar, there hasn’t been enough distance since the last one.
So I did what I often do when I have really strong feelings about something...I made a playlist.
Here’s 10 songs from that playlist that I feel really encompass that disgusting feeling but are also good to just sit in sorrow:
1. Space Song - Beach House
2. What Once Was - Her’s
3. Remember Me - UMI
4. 2009 - Mac Miller
5. Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve
6. Clay Pigeons - Michael Cera
7. First Love / Late Spring - Mitski
8. Dandelion - Jesse Jo Stark
9. Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers
10. Rosyln - Bon Iver + St. Vincent
btw here’s the link to the full playlist, hope you enjoy!
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0wPV3JJwjtB3TqbcaU0V32?si=637d3acaaa01421b
