I volunteered at lentils this past week. It felt really good. I took orders, brought them out, cleaned glasses, poured juice & chai, cleaned tables etc.
It was nice to feel like I'd accomplished something that day. I had a lot of fun doing it too, mindless stuff really, always something to do when the place was running. You get a free meal when u work there so that was nice too.
Therapy wants to discharge me, I don't know if I've wrote abt that on here yet. I don't really look back over these considering I tend to post here when I'm upset.
I'm a success story. It's sad how because I was in a Really Bad Place when I came in that now I'm not self harming and have a healthy relationship that means I'm good to go. I can understand that. I get it, everyone wants a success story and a discharge - it looks good. Goes on a list as a patient completing their course and a pat on the back for everyone I presume.
I just feel like since I'm not self harming or suicidal anymore, all the other stuff has popped up. Now I have to face my sexual abuse. I still have to face my mother's cancer and her existence in general. I don't know how to do this. I can't burden Chris either. I don't have other friends, I feel alone in this.
Of course there's the abandonment fears, my psychologist is leaving me and returning me to my caseworker. My caseworker is looking to discharge me and I'm sitting in this baby period between now and June where they're Easing me into leaving me.
Speaking of, again don't know if I've said this - Ashlee ghosted me. Which probably also feeds into my abandonment fears. I feel very sad about that. Facebook notifies me when she's online and sometimes I check to see if she's read our chat. She hasn't. It's sad bc I know she's probably still being hurt by her boyfriend and Catherine. It also hurts because she was my friend and we'd sorted things out.