Musicals as things that I’ve said/ heard other people say
Legally Blonde: You have a degree in criminal law and justice, and now you’re a service advisor, so I guess college really is useless.
The Book of Mormon: I bought a bell at the dollar store that says “ring for Jesus” and my mom took it and started ringing it in my stepdad’s face
In The Heights: I’m Puerto Rican, so fight me bitch.
Falsettos: There’s literally only two straight people in our friend group. Fuckin breeders.
In Trousers: I may be a psychotic asshole, but at least people like me.
Dear Evan Hansen: Nobody’s aloud to fucking kill them selves but me!
Be More Chill: I sold some kid a gram of oregano for like 25 dollars and he thought he was tripping balls.
Heathers: I may be the single most amazing person alive, but damn I really just want to die.
Hamilton: I swear to god if I’m not dismissed before history I’m going to shoot someone.
Matilda: I’ve hated school since kindergarten, so it’s not hormones.
Annie: If I had a million dollars I’d just go live in a mansion with some cool ass dogs.
Secret Garden: Damn this gardening shit is actually kinda cool.
Little Shop of Horrors: When I was nine I kicked my dentist in the dick and ran into the parking lot before crying.
Newsies: I’m going to write a letter to the government that reads “suck my pee pee.”
21 Chump Street: Babe, I’d let you come to my weed farm without blowing out your kneecaps, and if that doesn’t show you how much I love you then I don’t know what will.
Charlie And The Chocolate Factory: Does it look like I can afford a box of Mike & Ikes right now??
Groundhog Day: Why the hell does everyone in America get so hyped over a groundhog predicting the weather?? He’s got like a 50/50 chance of getting it right every year, it’s not that cool.
Les Miserablés: Welcome to my home. As you can see, my family is poor as fuck.
Into The Woods: I used to cry in the woods a lot but I moved so I guess I can’t really do that anymore.
Next To Normal: My entire family is mentally unstable. It was just fate for me to be so depressed.
Something Rotten: Romeo and Juliet was actually pretty awful tbh.
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