andy-is-pathetic

im well aware that i have issues, but i also feel strongly that it doesn’t really make me a bad person, it js means i have to work a little harder to be a good one. and ig that shows up a lot in my relationship. i know it’s js objectively really abusive and manipulative to want to isolate your partner, which is why i really insist on them having other ppl they talk to, even if it makes me unhappy. plus ik it’s unfair to expect them to only be with me all the time especially with how inconsistent i am to be in any kind of relationship with, romantic or not. this is in part due to my bipolar disorder sometimes making me want to completely isolate myself and ignore everyone around me during manic episodes (although i’ve  never really had a problem with that as far as he goes. i’ve never really wanted to not talk to him, besides yk my avoidant attachment tendencies-that i explained to him abt so i think he understands-and even then i end up talking to him anyways bc I love him sm i can’t say no T-T) and not only bc of episodes, but also bc of everything that happens at home, and how often i’ll like, get my phone taken away or sometimes i js get really busy with life. but i really don’t know how to feel bc he’s js so willing? like, it’s hard to explain. but he knows i get really jealous all the time, and it kinda bothers me that he’s js so willing to not talk to other ppl for me. which i really like and am very grateful for but at the end of the day, I js want him to be happy. and he says he is, but part of me just wants him to make other friends js so I get used to like, not getting my way or something (that makes me sound like a brat T-T) but yk js not to feed my delusions so they don’t get worse. but ik how miserable that would make me. idk? im js confused abt how I feel like always AJAJSBSKHSKE