The Social Loner

So afraid of death but at the same time I'm just already so fucking tired of living.

I just don't think anyone will really listen until I'm gone. Doesn't matter anymore though. That's the worst of it.

I've time I've extended my heart I've lost another part of the hand that holds it. The fingers. Forearm. Bicep, shoulder. I just literally don't have it in me to offer myself again to someone.

And I feel it harder than every other time I've felt as such. I feel broken. Like it's raining the shards of my crystal enclosure.

I've been kicked out by my girlfriend's roommate at two in the morning and ghosted for three months while she fucked her ex.

Ive been made out to be the bad guy because I asked for accountability for someone's actions. All because I'm a darkskin male and shes a lightskin woman.

I've worked 7 months for a car just to have it totaled by the person that was fucking her ex and my friends, three days after I got my tags. Never recieved a dime.

I've had my deepest darkest secrets shared with people in my grade, above, and below because my journal was taken and read aloud to class. By a friend.

I've been jumped for just swinging on a fucking public swingset. And it was recorded. 7 men. 16-18. I was 13.

I've been in car chases with my mother.

I asked for a break after working for eight hours. Got called a faggot on a public street by my "boss" and lost my temper. Cost me my job.

I asked for a break after working five hours with a sprained shoulder in 90 degree weather. Cost me my job.

I had to sit with my dead uncle for two and a half hours until coroners showed up because no one else that loved him could bear to be in the same room.

I've fallen in love with someone and the very next day had to move because my parents got into an argument.

I had to face a wall with a broomstick in front of 300 people because some stuck up sergeant couldn't believe someone told me to march them to the destination. And I did it with no mistakes.

I was called faggot for seven weeks straight in basic training. Got less time to do everything compared to everyone. The drill sergeant even whispered it in my ear in front of my parents.

I've been choked and stomped out because I wouldn't let someone take my gameboy and play with it.

I've been beaten. Abused. Lied to. Led on. Used. Manipulated. Slandered. Laughed at. I could go on.