Chapter Two

The most troubling part of the debate is that there are no tangible pros or cons on either side. The way I see it, the cons to Lund are the money and the fact that I am doing so poorly. Its not that I need encouragement that I can maybe do this, but at the rate i'm going it does not make sense to spend such an exorbitant amount of money to not succeed or do exceptionally. I cant put a practical price on what I would gain from the field experience or the people that I am meeting but that is somewhat of a two edged sword because I also cant make myself rationalize it as reasonable. Thinking mathematically, it makes sense for me to leave as soon as possible, because the longer I am here the more money I am spending. I cant stay much longer without deducting the loan putting me at least $7500 in debt. When I add my monthly living expenses, estimated around $800 a month i'm looking at nearly $10K just to finish out this semester....and for what? To go home? To just say I had the experience?

The longer I am here, the harder it is to leave. The more friends I make, the more invested I become in the program, the future....Everything in me knows I cannot do this but I cant quite figure what it is about this that wont let me go. I cant make charts, I cant weigh pros and cons, I cant equalize the two alternatives because there is so much unknown, so much doubt. 

The lasting headache this is creating is making functioning impossible. I also feel resolved to "nap" because I cant handle the weight of it all, only perpetuating my academic failure....

As in...Jag är så himla bakis :(

This will be me soon, very soon at the rate we're going...

So I've JUST started my program, just figured out that if I walk down Tunavagen and then up biskopshuset I will reach the AF building faster than going past all of the faculties via Solvegatan yet it is already time to think about my field placement. My THIRD SEMESTER field placement.

I think my classmates help at least partially in making things more overwhelming than they need to be, but honestly they are just extremely proactive and this is the pace at which things should be handled. You see in my class there is some very...aggressive? personalities. For example, today we had a meeting from 1-4 that ended about 345 and already by 4:15 there was a meeting set to discuss field placement ideas, thesis partners and a slew of postings about how, when, why and the next steps.

I havent even begun my first paper mind you, yet we're already planning for our third semester. People were discussing nitty gritty details of thesis production which will be due in June, June 2014!!!!

I had a different vision for how things would go in my head, a very different picture actually and that is maybe making my anxiety worse than it would be/should be? so I am trying to go with the flow, but while everyone else is floating rapidly upstream I feel like I am barely getting my life vest on and may not be up for the challenge. 

So I joined a nation :) Now what is a nation? how to join? why to join? la la la.

I joined Krischan nation on September 3rd, the opening day of the semester and I have worked there twice at the pub and the club, so i'm an expert (HA!)

But what is a nation? When I first heard the descriptions I couldnt get fraternity out of my mind. I envisioned them battling each other in an annual competition for bragging rights, but its nothing like that. The nations are the student life on campus. You go to them for social activities, pubs, clubs, comedy nights, quizes, thing like that. Each nation offers different things, different dates but they all generally offer a weekly club night/party and a weekly pub/bar plus daily lunches. They are great because they are student run and organized and also much cheaper outing options than general establishments in town. You can get lunch for 35kr ($5-$6) whereas in town that MAY get you a falafell. A beer 20kr ($3) vs 60kr ($10) ...i'm using very lazy math and simply dividing by 6 FYI

So okay, nations are cheap and offer social opportunities, but you can also work in them!! One important thing to point out is YOU CAN GO TO ANY NATION NO MATTER WHICH YOU JOIN* When we first heard all the presentations we were trying to choose the best nation for our personalities then realized we can go to different nations on different nights, go to everyones clubs, parties, resturants, whatever. The only benefit to joining one nation or the other is the ability to work (or as far as I know at least) By working I mean volunteering. You volunteer to help with programming, putting on one of the clubs or pubs and end up gaining some perk or benefit. Krischans, my nation is awesome, and everytime you work you get a free sittning. A sittning without overloading this post with too much information is like a dinner. So by working you meet new people, socialize, learn how to work in a bar/club/resturant and get yourself a free meal and entry in to the night club :)

Now a small Krischan plug. I joined this nation because the qurator was really nice. And honestly once I realized it didnt matter for partying purposes I didnt put too much more thought in to it than that. Since joining I have met a variety of people and they are all really nice and extremely diverse...also majorily swedish which is a perk, helps me get off the island of exchange students and I feel slightly accepted....they could all secretly hate me but i'll go on pretending they dont.

Soon I will post about

sweden, traveling, bicycles and the bike auction I attended

Swedish and my status of learning the language

Residence permit process

what to pack and what not to pack

my new living quarters :)

I havent said a proper good bye to my family or quit my job...Who will let Louie inside and feed him inappropriate food? Will he remember me when I come home?